what's the polite way to communicate with waiters/waitresses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't say please or thank you. Put a pile of bills on the table that approximates what the correct tip would be. When the server first greets you say, "this is your potential tip. Each time you do something not to my liking, I'm going to remove a bill from this pile."
How's that for communication?

Is that the way you're treated at work by your clients and/or superiors? Do you like it?

[Anonymous]

That post was clearly sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't say please or thank you. Put a pile of bills on the table that approximates what the correct tip would be. When the server first greets you say, "this is your potential tip. Each time you do something not to my liking, I'm going to remove a bill from this pile."
How's that for communication?

Is that the way you're treated at work by your clients and/or superiors? Do you like it?

The eye roll usually indicates sarcasm, PP. Consider that YOUR tip for the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a favor. It is the person's job to take the order. "I will have the chicken, thanks," is totally acceptable at a restaurant. Obv if asking Grandma to make her chicken, please is in order.

Even if it is their job, why is it so hard to say "please"? Really, people, does it make you feel that much more superior to withhold please from a waitress when putting in your order? Is that how you fuel your ego?

It takes no more effort to be polite. Go for it.

Saying "I will have the caesar salad. Thank you," is completely acceptable. I do not feel superior (quite the contrary), nor do I I seek to make the exchange awkward with excessive pleases or thank yous. I used to have a friend who would thank waiters, etc., by saying "Thank you SO much." It just seemed excessive and a little awkward or patronizing. A simple thank you, as in, thank you for taking my order, is appropriate. It is also impolite to fall all over yourself thanking the little people for something that is their job--like you need to make up for how demeaning waitressing is in your mind with excessive thanks. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a favor. It is the person's job to take the order. "I will have the chicken, thanks," is totally acceptable at a restaurant. Obv if asking Grandma to make her chicken, please is in order.

Even if it is their job, why is it so hard to say "please"? Really, people, does it make you feel that much more superior to withhold please from a waitress when putting in your order? Is that how you fuel your ego?

It takes no more effort to be polite. Go for it.

Saying "I will have the caesar salad. Thank you," is completely acceptable. I do not feel superior (quite the contrary), nor do I I seek to make the exchange awkward with excessive pleases or thank yous. I used to have a friend who would thank waiters, etc., by saying "Thank you SO much." It just seemed excessive and a little awkward or patronizing. A simple thank you, as in, thank you for taking my order, is appropriate. It is also impolite to fall all over yourself thanking the little people for something that is their job--like you need to make up for how demeaning waitressing is in your mind with excessive thanks. Get over yourself.

This post deserves an eye roll too. Lordy.

[Anonymous]

To those of you who think the server must do what you say, you're in denial. There's no rule saying the server can't spend 20 minutes walking around the restaurant, filling water glasses and talking to friendly guests, before they take the time to put your order in. There's no rule saying they and everyone in the kitchen won't fuck with your food. I was a server for 4 years before I finished culinary school. I've done front and back. The culinary world comes with very few perks other than being able to silently fuck up your night. I will laugh when your food comes out 40 minutes after you order, and I will laugh harder knowing what has happened to it.

Be kind to the people who help you get what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I know that I'll get some snark back on this but I'm going ahead anyway.

I'm hearing all kinds of grief from DH that unless you say "please" to wait staff you are rude. Example: waitress says -- have you decided? Mom says: yes, child will have x, I'll have Y, thanks! DH says "thanks" is not "please" and this models "rude" behavior for child (young preschool age).

Please I'm quite serious when I ask for feedback. I know this has all kinds of deeper implications for our marriage, communication, etc. -- really. Feedback appreciated.

Why on earth would you not want to say please and thank you? It doesn't cost anything, and look at how the wait staff treats you when you do it. Win-Win.

[Anonymous]

When the server comes to the table and says "I'm John an ill be taking care of you" I usually smile and say, "Hi John." When I order: "I'm going to have the lasagna and side salad, thank you." When they refill drinks or bring something to the table, I thank them. If they apologize for a wait, I tell them it's no problem. If my daughter plays with the sugar packets or something, we always put them back in the little caddy, and when she was very little, we'd pick up any food she dropped around her high chair. At least a 20% tip. Pretty basic decency really.

[Anonymous]

I do teach my kids to say "may I please have..." because I want them to say that if they are at a friends house.

May I please have a snack, may I please have a glass of water, etc.

Practice makes perfect.

But I think it is okay to say.

I will have X, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those of you who think the server must do what you say, you're in denial. There's no rule saying the server can't spend 20 minutes walking around the restaurant, filling water glasses and talking to friendly guests, before they take the time to put your order in. There's no rule saying they and everyone in the kitchen won't fuck with your food. I was a server for 4 years before I finished culinary school. I've done front and back. The culinary world comes with very few perks other than being able to silently fuck up your night. I will laugh when your food comes out 40 minutes after you order, and I will laugh harder knowing what has happened to it.

Be kind to the people who help you get what you want.

And when we realize, as we usually do, what has happened to the food, you get no tip and often a call the next day to your manager, complaining about the poor service. With your luck, it will be a reviewer that you fuck with, and there go your ratings and reputation. Karma, darling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those of you who think the server must do what you say, you're in denial. There's no rule saying the server can't spend 20 minutes walking around the restaurant, filling water glasses and talking to friendly guests, before they take the time to put your order in. There's no rule saying they and everyone in the kitchen won't fuck with your food. I was a server for 4 years before I finished culinary school. I've done front and back. The culinary world comes with very few perks other than being able to silently fuck up your night. I will laugh when your food comes out 40 minutes after you order, and I will laugh harder knowing what has happened to it.

Be kind to the people who help you get what you want.

And when we realize, as we usually do, what has happened to the food, you get no tip and often a call the next day to your manager, complaining about the poor service. With your luck, it will be a reviewer that you fuck with, and there go your ratings and reputation. Karma, darling.

I can guarantee you, you have no idea what your steak was dipped in or dropped on. 10 years in the restaurant industry and I don't eat out anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for the responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the question is, if your child came to you and said "I'll have . . . " or "Can I have . . . , thanks" would you consider it rude? I'd want my child saying please, so I'm with your DH.

and as others have noted, it's not "Can I have" . . . it's "May I have".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a favor. It is the person's job to take the order. "I will have the chicken, thanks," is totally acceptable at a restaurant. Obv if asking Grandma to make her chicken, please is in order.

Even if it is their job, why is it so hard to say "please"? Really, people, does it make you feel that much more superior to withhold please from a waitress when putting in your order? Is that how you fuel your ego?

It takes no more effort to be polite. Go for it.

Saying "I will have the caesar salad. Thank you," is completely acceptable. I do not feel superior (quite the contrary), nor do I I seek to make the exchange awkward with excessive pleases or thank yous. I used to have a friend who would thank waiters, etc., by saying "Thank you SO much." It just seemed excessive and a little awkward or patronizing. A simple thank you, as in, thank you for taking my order, is appropriate. It is also impolite to fall all over yourself thanking the little people for something that is their job--like you need to make up for how demeaning waitressing is in your mind with excessive thanks. Get over yourself.

I don't recall recommending anyone fall over themselves with sugary and patronizing words of appreciation. The words please and thank you are pretty basic courtesy though in your book they should be used sparingly with the "little people" since they might be viewed as excessive. Stop rationalizing being an ingrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a favor. It is the person's job to take the order. "I will have the chicken, thanks," is totally acceptable at a restaurant. Obv if asking Grandma to make her chicken, please is in order.

Even if it is their job, why is it so hard to say "please"? Really, people, does it make you feel that much more superior to withhold please from a waitress when putting in your order? Is that how you fuel your ego?

It takes no more effort to be polite. Go for it.

Saying "I will have the caesar salad. Thank you," is completely acceptable. I do not feel superior (quite the contrary), nor do I I seek to make the exchange awkward with excessive pleases or thank yous. I used to have a friend who would thank waiters, etc., by saying "Thank you SO much." It just seemed excessive and a little awkward or patronizing. A simple thank you, as in, thank you for taking my order, is appropriate. It is also impolite to fall all over yourself thanking the little people for something that is their job--like you need to make up for how demeaning waitressing is in your mind with excessive thanks. Get over yourself.

I was a waitress in college and completely agree. Drop the SO. And make eye contact, please.