what's the polite way to communicate with waiters/waitresses?

[Anonymous]

The two words you can nevr say enough-Please and thank you.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I say please when placing an order, although I do say thanks at the end of the order, and thanks for refills, etc. I agree with PPs who said that it's really about the tone. You can be perfectly polite without saying please, if your tone is pleasant.

But, if you're at the teaching your kids manners stage, I'd err on the side of too many pleases and thank yous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the tone you adopt with the server is far more important to the words you use. So many people refuse to make eye contact, are condescending in tone, bark out their order, and above all don't tip.

I agree. I've been a waitress and the person who shows overall respect wins. You can be rude and condescending, yet use "please," or polite and friendly without the please. Teach your children that waitstaff are people and that all people deserve respect. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Being polite is a basic standard of human decency. The fact that you even have to ask this question speaks volumes about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being polite is a basic standard of human decency. The fact that you even have to ask this question speaks volumes about you.

Being polite isn't about one specific word. People who obsess about the formality, like OP's DH, are usually people who can't read social cues very well so the rules are all they have to go on. The same word can be a sign of respect or of condescension, depending on how it is used.

[Anonymous]

This shouldn't be a discussion - saying please and thank you whether someone is serving you or not should be automatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"May I please have..." But I grew up in a farm town and I understand our customs are completely alien in cities. I hear a lot of "let me get" or "I want" when I'm out and it's grating.

Thank you for this. I grew up in the Big City and feel the same way. May I, please and thank you are not subject to anyone's pay status. Geez Louise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being polite is a basic standard of human decency. The fact that you even have to ask this question speaks volumes about you.

Being polite isn't about one specific word. People who obsess about the formality, like OP's DH, are usually people who can't read social cues very well so the rules are all they have to go on. The same word can be a sign of respect or of condescension, depending on how it is used.

Well, I agree. I used to wait tables and personally when people would say "I would like the XYZ, thank you" that was good enough for me. I was glad to get ANYTHING that smacked of polite. But honestly, if her husband wants their child to learn to say "May I please have the chicken?" instead of "I'll have the chicken, thanks" is it really worth coming on here to parse words and argue about it? No, IMO. Talk it over with your spouse and move on. Marriage is give and take - if her DH feels strongly about this, what does it cost to just do it? Unless he's some overbearing ass about everything, but it's hard to tell that from a post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"May I please have..." But I grew up in a farm town and I understand our customs are completely alien in cities. I hear a lot of "let me get" or "I want" when I'm out and it's grating.

Thank you for this. I grew up in the Big City and feel the same way. May I, please and thank you are not subject to anyone's pay status. Geez Louise.

I went to dinner with a friend last night and must have said thank you 16 times. Someone hands you something, brings you something, or takes away something, you say thank you.

[Anonymous]

I love to snap my fingers twice like Paulie Walnuts on the Soprano's, followed up with a rough toned command but ending with "dear".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think as a general rule you should always say please and thank you to everyone you meet, even people whose job is to serve you. It's a basic foundation of civility.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think the focus should be on how you speak, rather than the exact words used. In your situation, it sounds as if you're being polite even if the wording you use is not precisely what should be used.

You will want to avoid demands, snapping fingers, and yelling. All of these things I experienced when I was waiting table. The rudeness that many people show their servers is truly amazing.

[Anonymous]

I was a server all through high school and college. Common courtesy should be the standard. Sadly, it isn't.

I consider it my job as a parent to model appropriate, considerate behavior. We expect the same of our children at home and at restaurants. If they want more milk, they need to say please. If I want another glass of wine at a restaurant, I say please. Simple.

There are many people who provide services in our lives, and I feel strongly that common courtesy and polite behavior should always be applied. I say please and thank you to the neighborhood teen who babysits. I say please and thank you to the guy who cuts our lawn. Same with our house cleaner. Even the cable guy. Yes, they are doing their job, but these are not glamorous jobs and I greatly appreciate their help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a server all through high school and college. Common courtesy should be the standard. Sadly, it isn't.

I consider it my job as a parent to model appropriate, considerate behavior. We expect the same of our children at home and at restaurants. If they want more milk, they need to say please. If I want another glass of wine at a restaurant, I say please. Simple.

There are many people who provide services in our lives, and I feel strongly that common courtesy and polite behavior should always be applied. I say please and thank you to the neighborhood teen who babysits. I say please and thank you to the guy who cuts our lawn. Same with our house cleaner. Even the cable guy. Yes, they are doing their job, but these are not glamorous jobs and I greatly appreciate their help.

I totally agree.

No need to say please or thank you ... if you don't mind them spitting in your food.

[Anonymous]

Don't say please or thank you. Put a pile of bills on the table that approximates what the correct tip would be. When the server first greets you say, "this is your potential tip. Each time you do something not to my liking, I'm going to remove a bill from this pile."
How's that for communication?