SAHM vs. WOHM, the cost difference is $16,500 help me decide

[Anonymous]

Do you have an accurate picture of the cost of having a baby, op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please dispense with the bizarre/antiquated notions that (1) childcare expenses are somehow uniquely entailed upon mothers, rather than upon parents jointly; and (2) working out of the house means not raising your child. Both are offensive and frankly don't hold up to reason.

Who are you tell her the notion is bizarre or antiquated?

We are talking about marginal economics, here. She's the one who's expendable with her career, obviously, or the family wouldn't be running the numbers. The only question is whether the utility of remaining in the workforce is greater than the utility of staying home with a baby. They've already decided that Dad isn't going to be doing this. So, yes, the childcare expenses in this case are, in fact, "entailed upon mothers" (whatever that means).

I won't touch the working out the house means not raising your child issue. That's a red herring.

[Anonymous]

I decided to stay home with my now 1 year old for a variety of reasons. As PPs have mentioned, it may be difficult to get a comperable job after taking time off, but my job wasn't really a career track and though I loved it, there wasn't much room for advancement. I do intend to go back to work eventually, but I am comfortable having to start from the bottom up in a new industry since I was going to do that anyway. I tell myself I can fall back on contract attorney work if I need to. Part time was not an option for me, so I didn't consider that.

A huge portion of my salary would have gone to daycare so that was part of the decision, and there were several practical things too. DH works long, unpredictable hours, so it would have been a problem if we both had to work late and couldn't pick the baby up from day care, or if we had important things going on at work and the baby was sick or daycare was closed for some reason. If either or both of you have a flexible job, or if you can afford a nanny, this may not be as much of an issue. My mom worked when I was in elementary school and I remember her being very stressed out about how often she was missing work when one of us had to stay home from school.

My staying home helps little things around the house go smoother. I can do most of the household chores during the day so we're not rushing around doing laundry or dishes all weekend. I can take suits to the dry cleaners, go to the grocery store, cook dinner, and run various other errands. Nothing major, but it frees up nights and weekends so we can enjoy time as a family.

I had thought that we would save tons money by cutting out my other various work expenses - eating lunch out, buying and dry cleaning my work clothes, transportation costs, takeout for dinner when we were too tired to cook etc. Turns out that staying home comes with other costs so it's probably about even. We probably bought more toys than if I were working because I need to occupy DS all day every day. I still go out to lunch with friends and spend more at a restaurant than I would have getting a sandwich. We pay for activities like music classes, zoo membership, and trips to the play gym. We definitely cut down on takeout dinners, but I'm not convinced it saves us a ton of money over the expensive ingredients I buy at whole foods. I'm sure you could use your SAHM status to cut costs in these and other ways, I just haven't made it much of a priority.

The biggest factor for me was that staying home just felt right. I waited until close to the end of my maternity leave to make the final decision, and I haven't regretted it at all. I do sometimes miss being able to go to the bathroom alone, or have adult conversation, but I know I will get back to that soon enough. I wasn't worried about daycare 'raising' my son or not being bonded to him, that is ridiculous. If you go back to work, you'll choose the best childcare you can find and you'll certainly still be bonded with your child. But for me, I knew within a few weeks that the small amount of money I would bring home was not going to be worth it for me to leave my baby.

Good luck with your decision!

[Anonymous]

Life was much easier when a single income was the norm

[Anonymous]

I think it's really hard to judge from the outset whether you'd want to stay home. And really hard to judge after you've just had a baby. If nine months in, all you want to do is stay with DC, money be damned!, then great.

I was able to go back 32 hours, which has been great for all around for our family. There are drawbacks, yes, but there are to any of your options.

A consideration others have touched on: I'm looking to change jobs, and (in my field at least) most of the job postings have clearly stated they will only consider candidates currently performing the described work. If I'd stayed at home those first couple years, I would have fallen pretty far down my career ladder. Like, needing to go back to school or take an entry-level position. So perhaps also survey current job postings that you find attractive and see what the requirements are.

[Anonymous]

13:09 with an additional thought:

Going back to work is its own adjustment. Just when you finally have the hang of taking care of your baby, your entire routine gets thrown again. It takes another 3-4 mos for your stamina to build and for your new routine to feel doable. So, if you go back, give it at least 6 months before throwing in the towel.

[Anonymous]

My daughter goes to a licensed in-home in Arlington and it's 265/week, so that's a little less than what you were estimating, just FYI

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm guessing that if you're honest with yourself, you're hoping that posters here will help you justify one of these options over the other one. Whichever option that is, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,
You've already gotten a lot of great comments and it sounds like you're considering them all thoughtfully, which is great. No matter what you do, I am sure you will make the best decision possible. I just wanted to throw (yet another!) variable in there, because I hadn't seen it mentioned:

I'm single, so I don't have the option not to work. However, I am extremely fortunate in that my parents have been more than willing to help me with childcare with my baby (he's now six months old). As important as it is to be present when your children are babies, I feel like the time when you really can't "outsource" childcare is when they hit their tweens and teens.

Right now my son seems to love me and my parents equally. His needs are important but they're very easily met with lots of hugs, kisses, and food. But once kids get older, and need to be shuttled to a million afterschool activities, and may want to talk to you about sex, or being bullied, or friends pressuring them to drink or take drugs...that's the kind of connection that you can't expect a child care provider or a nanny or even loving grandparents to provide. A tween or teen really needs Mom and/or Dad, even if they think they don't!

So, it may turn out that if you stay in the workforce now, even with the child care expense, you or your husband may be in a better position to pull back in a decade or so when your kid(s) start going through some of those emotional times. Not that you'd need to stop working entirely at that point, but maybe you'd be financially stable enough for one of you to go part time, or work some kind of flex schedule that allows one of you to be at home when the kid(s) come home from school.

I'd love to be at home with kid but I also know that his babyhood is only one time in his life when he will really need me. Just another thought!