SAHM vs. WOHM, the cost difference is $16,500 help me decide

[Anonymous]

want to chime in that it's not 16K. It's 20K. That company match to retirement is real money and often tax advantaged!

agree with those who say "what do you want" because happy you m eans happy baby husband family and Most Important, YOU!

[Anonymous]

OP: i'm going to say it again. It's 20.5k yr now. 3-5 % more each year after. Assuming you are a fine employee in a stable org.

[Anonymous]

If you're up in the air, I'd suggest going back to work and seeing what you think after a few months. I didn't expect it, but I adored going back to the office after #1 (and #2!).

Netting $16.5K may not sound like a lot, do consider staying home isn't "free" - you'd likely end up enrolling in activities, could end up shopping / eating out for lunches more, using more electricity and gas, etc..

[Anonymous]

Another thing to think about is if you are having more than one kid. I would be most concern with being able to get back in the work force with a job that paid as well and a job you liked as well after having multiple kids. Your post doesn't make you sound like you are super excited to be a stay at home mom. I think you really really need to want this to make it work.

[Anonymous]

I would not make any decisions before the baby arrives. So many people I knew who were sure they wanted to SAH regretted the decision, and those who were sure they wanted to go back to work wished they could SAH. Seriously, keep your options open until you have a better sense of the realities of SAH motherhood.

[Anonymous]

OP, please dispense with the bizarre/antiquated notions that (1) childcare expenses are somehow uniquely entailed upon mothers, rather than upon parents jointly; and (2) working out of the house means not raising your child. Both are offensive and frankly don't hold up to reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please dispense with the bizarre/antiquated notions that (1) childcare expenses are somehow uniquely entailed upon mothers, rather than upon parents jointly; and (2) working out of the house means not raising your child. Both are offensive and frankly don't hold up to reason.

Agreed. The second is the argument made by insecure stay-at-home parents who need to justify their dependence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please dispense with the bizarre/antiquated notions that (1) childcare expenses are somehow uniquely entailed upon mothers, rather than upon parents jointly; and (2) working out of the house means not raising your child. Both are offensive and frankly don't hold up to reason.

Agreed. The second is the argument made by insecure stay-at-home parents who need to justify their dependence.

Or a comparison of hours spent with parents vs. nanny.

[Anonymous]

I was always told to make my own money because anything could happen.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I even made that much after paying our nanny when my kids were little. Fast-forward seven years later, I've received one promotion and a couple of modest raises and both my kids are in school, so our childcare costs are minimal. Our office now allows telework three times a week. My salary allows us to send our kids to private school, something we never would have contemplated years ago. I have peace of mind that if something happened to DH or his job, I can take care of my family. We will also be able to retire with a lot more money than we would have otherwise. I came close to quitting so many times when my kids were young but am so thankful that I didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I even made that much after paying our nanny when my kids were little. Fast-forward seven years later, I've received one promotion and a couple of modest raises and both my kids are in school, so our childcare costs are minimal. Our office now allows telework three times a week. My salary allows us to send our kids to private school, something we never would have contemplated years ago. I have peace of mind that if something happened to DH or his job, I can take care of my family. We will also be able to retire with a lot more money than we would have otherwise. I came close to quitting so many times when my kids were young but am so thankful that I didn't.

Thank you for posting. I am one of the PPs who said child care is not a mother's expense and I think your experience is exactly what OP and others in her position need to hear!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please dispense with the bizarre/antiquated notions that (1) childcare expenses are somehow uniquely entailed upon mothers, rather than upon parents jointly; and (2) working out of the house means not raising your child. Both are offensive and frankly don't hold up to reason.

Agreed. The second is the argument made by insecure stay-at-home parents who need to justify their dependence.

Or a comparison of hours spent with parents vs. nanny.

These things are uncomfortable to think about or admit but they're true! If you spent some time really seeing how most daycare workers or nannies relate to the kids, there is a world of difference with the way family members do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please dispense with the bizarre/antiquated notions that (1) childcare expenses are somehow uniquely entailed upon mothers, rather than upon parents jointly; and (2) working out of the house means not raising your child. Both are offensive and frankly don't hold up to reason.

Agreed. The second is the argument made by insecure stay-at-home parents who need to justify their dependence.

Or a comparison of hours spent with parents vs. nanny.

These things are uncomfortable to think about or admit but they're true! If you spent some time really seeing how most daycare workers or nannies relate to the kids, there is a world of difference with the way family members do.

Yeah, I WOH (three days/week, from home two days/week), and even I don't buy that there are no trade-offs to working full-time. Obviously I think it's worth it to me and my family, but come on. WOH full-time, you miss things--SAH full-time, you miss other things. The issue is moot for many people who don't have the option to stay home, but for those who do, it boils down to what trade-offs are you willing to make? There are downsides to both, and pretending otherwise is disingenuous.

[Anonymous]

I chose to leave a high paying career in early 2009 when all the markets were crashing and everyone was worried about their job. My husband's career was a stable as it could be at that time. I had 6 month old twins at the time and WANTED to be home with them for the early years. We were in a position to make it work. Yes there are some sacrifices. But I will be the first to say there will always be a job to return to, but your kids are only young once. And yes, I can't tell you the amount of mainly women who told me I was crazy at the time to stay home and ask what would I return to in the future??? Well, I did return to my career, a different company, but at a higher level position and earning more money too. Was it worth - priceliess.

It can be done, because I did just that. My career is in a better place. My family is strong, my kids bonded with me, and my marriage is not strained. Now with both working fulltime and the kids in FT pre-school we are adjusting all over again to being short on time, but ample financial resources - so we outsource. At the end of the day if you want to stay home you can, you have the choice. I did, with all of the risks, and benefits that come with making that decision. I would do it the same way all over again too.

It is called Sequencing. it is not rocket science, and all the negative responses I received were mainly from working moms who didn't stay home, but either regretted their own valid decision or perhaps envied my decision.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can put a price on your happiness. To echo many others if you have the choice wait to make a decision until you go back to work for a bit. For myself, staying at home with my babies is more important than the money. It's a short period of time in the long run and we are able to save for retirement and college but have to sacrifice other things. I know that we will increase both when I go back to work

But if you are going to be unhappy at home then that is no good to your child. It's better to have happy stable parents than those who are unhappy and regretting decisions.