did your marriage survive a long-term affair?

[Anonymous]

Wow, I was surprised to see this thread pop up. I am the original OP from over a year ago. I appreciated those early replies so much at a time when my life was completely turned upside down. To some of the more recent posters, I will just say -- you have no idea what you will do in a situation until you are faced with it. I used to think the same thing. But life is complicated.

DH and I are still together at this point. We had an excellent therapist get us through the first 6 months or so. Now both in individual therapy. Separating is still on the table, but less so. This was a huge wakeup call for DH's life and priorities. He has followed all the rules we set forth in therapy and we are working on rebuilding things. It will still take more time, but I hope it's the right decision for our kids. (However, I wouldn't stay only for the kids.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I was surprised to see this thread pop up. I am the original OP from over a year ago. I appreciated those early replies so much at a time when my life was completely turned upside down. To some of the more recent posters, I will just say -- you have no idea what you will do in a situation until you are faced with it. I used to think the same thing. But life is complicated.

DH and I are still together at this point. We had an excellent therapist get us through the first 6 months or so. Now both in individual therapy. Separating is still on the table, but less so. This was a huge wakeup call for DH's life and priorities. He has followed all the rules we set forth in therapy and we are working on rebuilding things. It will still take more time, but I hope it's the right decision for our kids. (However, I wouldn't stay only for the kids.)

OP, curious to know how you found out? After years of deception?!?

[Anonymous]

I think Apple came out with some software update that synced texts between iphones and ipads. I found texts on the ipad (that he obviously had no idea I was able to see).

[Anonymous]

hi I have a similar story my husband and I have been together 35 years married 33 I was 17 years old when I met him we too had a happy marriage people would look at us and wants to be us all of our married life on Valentine's Day this year I happen to see a text on his phone from an unknown number that said call me that will be forever the day that changed my life as I had known it.for the next few months I studied the phone records saw the texts the phone records showed that they had went on two trips together overnight camping one of the things that we used to love to do together.he has been so obsessed with her he called her every day as he explains now it was an addiction she was his toy and he didn't want anyone else playing with his toys he had to make sure where she was all the time.he was very clear to her that he loved his wife and that this was just for fun this went on for three and a half years. I found the receipt where he bought her Christmas gift a bracelet perfume and a card she said it was the only Christmas to you ever bought her anything as you felt obligated because she would buy him things.this is not the first time she's had an affair with a married man but this one stayed so much longer.I actually called her 3 months after I found out after many horrible texts and she apologized and said people pass through your life for a reason and something longer than others it sounds like an adulterous wayare justifying what you have done.I always thought that I would want to die before my husband because I could never stand the pain well he is dead I will never be the same person he was for those 30 years the pain is unbelievable.the minute I found out he had told her all along that there would be no contact he would dis appear from her life.this was always your exit plan and he skated so many times they tried to stop seeing each other go a few weeks and then the phone calls would start again I think that's what you wrote the passion knowing it was going to end someday.we've been to therapy we have three grandchildren were trying to pull our life back together and make it our marriage stronger and better than ever which is what the therapist says can happen if we both work at it.I can tell you that a long term affair is a long term recovery there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about this and how bad and and how this has changed my life forever.we have some good days and some good hours but just like a wave it comes back and I am angry and furious and will never understand how he could do the skinny the person who loves to know and his soulmate is a very humbled man cries everyday and begs me to stay I'm going to try although after nine months it's still as fresh as the day it happened