DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!

[Anonymous]

I think physically pushing a kid is different than excluding someone.

If this really is mean girl behavior from OP's daughter, I still don't think this mom dealt with it appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Tell you daughter that she should call the other child now to the bottom of things.

If she balks, you can bet something happened that she's not telling you.

[Anonymous]

To 18:18: just b/c you believe YOUR way was the tight way to handle the situation (a bigger kid using size against a smaller one) doesn't make you right. After all, in that moment, YOU are the larger, scarier person using your adult stature to intimidate a child you deem to be in the wrong. You ate just as wrong as the kid you punished. What if, in your infinite wisdom, you decided that the kid should be spanked or be told he is a jerk (or some other name). Are we to defer to your judgement? Of course not. The school has policies so that parents won't create their own as hoc disciplinary policies. Such decisions can't/shouldn't be left to parents b/c, as we've seen on this thread, it is too easy for a parent to think they "know" who the meanie or bad actor is.

[Anonymous]

Autocorrect- sorry for typos

[Anonymous]

Poster 18:18, terrific response from the real world.

If OP had her way, when I volunteer with a kids' organization of which we're members, I should never tell one kid to be sure to include another. I should never tell a pair of kids who are inseparable (to the point of focusing entirely on each other much of the time) to sit separately from each other. Goodness knows I should never flat-out tell a kid, "You need to ask X what she thinks."

After all, I'm "just" a volunteer and therefore have zero authority over another person's child.

I could not tell the boy in the reading group at school (which I volunteer to facilitate) that he needs to put away his eraser and stop playing with it. I could not
tell one kid to wait to speak because another is speaking right now.

After all, to OP I'm "just" a volunteer and in no position to correct anyone's child about anything, ever.

OP would hate me because if I walk down the halls at my kid's elementary school and I see two kids walking toward me and they are goofing and being loud and pushing each other -- I might actually say, "You guys need to calm it down." Because I am an adult and they are children, and they are not behaving appropriately. But if OP follows her own reasoning to its logical end, I should say nothing, right? I'm not a teacher and not the parent of one of those kids, so otherwise, I have no authority, correct?

Next time it's HER child being excluded, or pushed on the playground, or interrupted repeatedly in class...OP will be the first mom to yell loudly and long about how her kid should be included, or not pushed, or allowed to speak. I would love to see her post how much SHE volunteers at school....?

[Anonymous]

I don't know why all of these posters think OP's kid is lying when she says that there is no exclusion going on between her and the other girl. Haven't you ever been privy to a pre-teen girl (or boy) overreacting? My daughter (who is 10) comes home every other week with a tale of woe about how no one likes her or someone was mean to her. Later, I find out that she was just upset/exaggerating. If I tried to fight everyone of those battles, I would be confronting kids at the schoolyard constantly...and I would be wrong, just like the other mom MIGHT be in this situation.

Ergo, I don't fight my kid's battles. I discuss the issue with her, and ask her what she thinks the best course of action is, and try to steer her toward finding the solution within herself, not by moderating the actions of others. I hope this will make my child successful when she grows up and goes out into the world. I fear this other mother's child might learn this same lesson rather late in life.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Tell the homeroom teacher what the parent told your daughter. Ask the homeroom teacher if she's noticed anything and if there's anything she or you need to discuss with your daughter. Tell the homeroom teacher that your daughter doesn't know what the mother was referring to, but that you've told your daughter to try and include her classmates.

It's important for parents to communicate with the school. That's not fighting battles.

[Anonymous]

Exactly.

1) let the kids work it out, you are a busy body and need to zip it.
2) exactly, if you knew anything about kids, and I am not surprised you said boy, you would know fidgeting with an eraser may help him concentrate on the story being read.
3) again - let it go the kids are not going to break anything.
4) yes, let kids build their own coping skills,

Thank you for skillfully showing how you do not belong as a volunteer with children. I am sure there are envelopes that need to be stuffed or a cafeteria that needs to be cleaned.

Anonymous wrote:Poster 18:18, terrific response from the real world.

If OP had her way, when I volunteer with a kids' organization of which we're members, I should never tell one kid to be sure to include another. I should never tell a pair of kids who are inseparable (to the point of focusing entirely on each other much of the time) to sit separately from each other. Goodness knows I should never flat-out tell a kid, "You need to ask X what she thinks."

After all, I'm "just" a volunteer and therefore have zero authority over another person's child.

I could not tell the boy in the reading group at school (which I volunteer to facilitate) that he needs to put away his eraser and stop playing with it. I could not
tell one kid to wait to speak because another is speaking right now.

After all, to OP I'm "just" a volunteer and in no position to correct anyone's child about anything, ever.

OP would hate me because if I walk down the halls at my kid's elementary school and I see two kids walking toward me and they are goofing and being loud and pushing each other -- I might actually say, "You guys need to calm it down." Because I am an adult and they are children, and they are not behaving appropriately. But if OP follows her own reasoning to its logical end, I should say nothing, right? I'm not a teacher and not the parent of one of those kids, so otherwise, I have no authority, correct?

Next time it's HER child being excluded, or pushed on the playground, or interrupted repeatedly in class...OP will be the first mom to yell loudly and long about how her kid should be included, or not pushed, or allowed to speak. I would love to see her post how much SHE volunteers at school....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is so bad about another mom saying to your daughter "You need to be nice and include everyone." It's hardly a confrontation. Have you asked your daughter what she was doing at the time?

Nothing, if she is sure whatever happened really happened. The thing is, unless the exclusion event happened on the playground when the mother was present, there's no way she can be sure that what her daughter said happened really happened.

And although you do need to be nice, nine year olds don't have to include everyone in every little thing because sometimes things are meant for small groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is so bad about another mom saying to your daughter "You need to be nice and include everyone." It's hardly a confrontation. Have you asked your daughter what she was doing at the time?

Nothing, if she is sure whatever happened really happened. The thing is, unless the exclusion event happened on the playground when the mother was present, there's no way she can be sure that what her daughter said happened really happened.

And although you do need to be nice, nine year olds don't have to include everyone in every little thing because sometimes things are meant for small groups.

+1

If you at in my MCPS eres are about 300 other kids to play with.

[Anonymous]

My question is this...

Was the mother correcting your daughter for something that had just occurred?

Or did she randomly approach your child trying to generally correct your daughter for something that she heard had happened previously?

The first situation is a little more acceptable than the second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be absolutely acceptable to ask the school to ban this woman from playground duty. An adult approaching a child during the school day, on school property and while in service to the school in order to hash out a personal grievance with that child is beyond the pale. She took advantage of the fact that your daughter was in a vulnerable position, when she could corner her with no adults nearby, and that should not be acceptable to any parent or responsible adult.

I completely agree with this statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be absolutely acceptable to ask the school to ban this woman from playground duty. An adult approaching a child during the school day, on school property and while in service to the school in order to hash out a personal grievance with that child is beyond the pale. She took advantage of the fact that your daughter was in a vulnerable position, when she could corner her with no adults nearby, and that should not be acceptable to any parent or responsible adult.

I completely agree with this statement.

As a mom dealing with mean girls to my child (all of you so quickly dismiss this must have mean girls, followers or the ones who don't speak up- sorry also those who just don't interact). I can completely undertand that mom pointing things out that were not appropriate. I personally would not do this approach (go through the school as we are)- but what a kid says is not in many ways the right interpretation. Face it- no kid is perfect. So chances are that the mom had a reason. If she did this- it must have been that bad. And don't think your snowflake is so wonderful and kind. I would view this as a last resort and a WAKE UP call- your kid is not nice/bully/whatever- do you really want to just protect your child against people pointing out things you don't see than just trying to have your child be a nice kind person as a foundation?
By Op's post- clearly- her snowflake is perfect and has not interest in learning what snowflake does with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be absolutely acceptable to ask the school to ban this woman from playground duty. An adult approaching a child during the school day, on school property and while in service to the school in order to hash out a personal grievance with that child is beyond the pale. She took advantage of the fact that your daughter was in a vulnerable position, when she could corner her with no adults nearby, and that should not be acceptable to any parent or responsible adult.

I completely agree with this statement.

I do too.

If I was in the OP's situation, I would complain too.

[Anonymous]

There is a mom I know that always talks about how mean other girls are. I have boys, but when we all go to parties and kids play downstairs I always hear how her daughter told her so-and-so was mean. It is always another child, never her own. Ironically--I have heard from many, many more parents that this woman's child is very mean and spoiled. I am not sure if playground lady is getting the full story and for her to go up to your child at school would rub me seriously wrong. Go to a teacher or school official if you don't want to deal with he other child's parents directly. In fact, in this day and age--for legal reasons I would always go the official route. People are nutty.