School a great fit for DC, not so much for us parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for OP also, and I believe in these cliques, but like the PP inferred, the cliques only have as much power as you give them. Whenever I feel intimidated or competitive, I remind myself that that is in ME...and I need to get a grip. If you pay too much attention to the clique stuff, work on your own confidence!

I am 20:26 from 9/28. I have great sympathy for OP. The poster who characterized my 20:26 post as condescending really was looking for meanspiritedness in my post (proving my point). It was NOT intended to be there. I was trying to be upbeat and encourage the OP to expect to find some friends and to not give up. There are people out there who are like her and there are people out there who would help if they knew how she feels. I would never purposefully cut (give the cold shoulder to) another parent and, if I knew another parent felt the way that OP does, I would ask her/him to have lunch or coffee or come over with their child for a double playdate. I would also try to introduce them to some others that they had lots in common with (if we did not). I mean come on, most people are just not purposefully mean, stressed out and busy maybe, but not mean and "cliquey," AND those people that ARE (mean and cliquey) have their own serious personal problems (i.e. major insecurity and unhappiness).

Yes, I have lots of friends at my children's school, and some are very strong friendships, but I also try to include new parents and parents that seem lonely and reach out to people when I can (I do work :wink. All I was saying is that I don't believe that there are true cliques and in crowds, like in some cheesy teenage Hollywood movie. We are all real people with real, complicated, lives and pretty good hearts. Look harder, there may be someone who needs your friendship as much as you need theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for OP also, and I believe in these cliques, but like the PP inferred, the cliques only have as much power as you give them. Whenever I feel intimidated or competitive, I remind myself that that is in ME...and I need to get a grip. If you pay too much attention to the clique stuff, work on your own confidence!

I am 20:26 from 9/28. I have great sympathy for OP. The poster who characterized my 20:26 post as condescending really was looking for meanspiritedness in my post (proving my point). It was NOT intended to be there. I was trying to be upbeat and encourage the OP to expect to find some friends and to not give up. There are people out there who are like her and there are people out there who would help if they knew how she feels. I would never purposefully cut (give the cold shoulder to) another parent and, if I knew another parent felt the way that OP does, I would ask her/him to have lunch or coffee or come over with their child for a double playdate. I would also try to introduce them to some others that they had lots in common with (if we did not). I mean come on, most people are just not purposefully mean, stressed out and busy maybe, but not mean and "cliquey," AND those people that ARE (mean and cliquey) have their own serious personal problems (i.e. major insecurity and unhappiness).

Yes, I have lots of friends at my children's school, and some are very strong friendships, but I also try to include new parents and parents that seem lonely and reach out to people when I can (I do work :wink. All I was saying is that I don't believe that there are true cliques and in crowds, like in some cheesy teenage Hollywood movie. We are all real people with real, complicated, lives and pretty good hearts. Look harder, there may be someone who needs your friendship as much as you need theirs.

I am the PP who used the "condescending" word. I am very glad to hear that you weren't intending that; thanks for clarifying that. If you in fact had read my posting carefully, you would have seen that I merely said I found it condescending of you to specifically use the phrase "unbelievably silly" when talking about previous posters' comments about cliques--I did not suggest that the rest of your post was that way. I was hardly being mean-spirited nor looking for it in others to be disturbed when you said you found other people's heartfelt, sincere comments to be "unbelievably silly." If you truly don't want to be thought of as using condescending language, it might help not to characterize others' comments as "unbelievably silly." I am not being sarcastic, BTW, I mean that sincerely, since it seems you honestly didn't realize how you were coming across.

[Anonymous]

OP here. To those of you--which would be most of you--with constructive, thoughtful comments, many thanks!!! (To the few who couldn't quite manage constructive comments, well, I was raised to be gracious, so I will leave it at that. )

Also, just to clarify: I was not saying that money is at the root of our not fitting in, I only mentioned it as a possibility. I am sure there are other reasons as well; my issue was simply not feeling like we belong at the school in general, not to make the issue one solely of social class/status.

[Anonymous]

Best of luck, OP. Write back in a few months and in a year and let us know how it's going.