School a great fit for DC, not so much for us parents

[Anonymous]

The thing is I dont like is participating in a system i don't like and wonder if its really a good thing for my family in the end.

ITA with this.

[Anonymous]

11:37 here. One more thing. Please don't let anyone else make you feel unwelcome or run you off, because then I and others like me won't get the chance to meet you! In other words, you are not alone!

[Anonymous]

OP, I would be surprised if our kids don't attend the same school. I have to tell you that it is sometimes harder socializing with the "in group" if you are not really of that background. My DC happens to be friendly with a child whose parents - I should say mom - are part of the "in group" and rather than being grateful for being included in the parents' social lives, I actually find it quite stressful. They are really very nice people and in a different life I may have been more at ease in ther company but as it is, the more I socialize with them, the more I am aware of how different we are. We have been invited to country clubs, family vacation homes etc and it stresses me out because I can never return the favor in the same way. This is not so much a financial issue, more a back ground issue which money can seldom overcome. We would feel like frauds if we were to ever join a country club - which is nigh on impossible- because that is just not who we.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the grass would not necessarily be greener inside this clique than it ois for you now on the outside.

[Anonymous]

For a humorous perspective on all this, watch Julia Louis-Dreyfus' show, "The New Adventures of Old Christine." She portrays a single, divorced mom who sends her son to a ritzy private school. She's a fish out of water, and the "mean moms" torment her relentlessly (in a comedic way, of course!). The funny backstory, of course, is that Julia attended Holton for 10 years...

[Anonymous]

If you feel this way, I would really worry about just how wonderful an environment it will be once dc gets a little older - especially in middle school and high school. The lack of fit between your family and the social world of the other families will likely begin to become more obvious to dc and dc's peers then - and I would hate for your child to feel like the misfit kid.

I would really appreciate it if you and the other posters would volunteer the school names - because this is just the kind of situation we are hoping to avoid (our dc is in preschool 3's currently).

Thanks and gl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be surprised if our kids don't attend the same school. I have to tell you that it is sometimes harder socializing with the "in group" if you are not really of that background. My DC happens to be friendly with a child whose parents - I should say mom - are part of the "in group" and rather than being grateful for being included in the parents' social lives, I actually find it quite stressful. They are really very nice people and in a different life I may have been more at ease in ther company but as it is, the more I socialize with them, the more I am aware of how different we are. We have been invited to country clubs, family vacation homes etc and it stresses me out because I can never return the favor in the same way. This is not so much a financial issue, more a back ground issue which money can seldom overcome. We would feel like frauds if we were to ever join a country club - which is nigh on impossible- because that is just not who we.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the grass would not necessarily be greener inside this clique than it ois for you now on the outside.

Perhaps they just like you/your company. You should not be stressed out about this. They don't sound like they're expecting something in return. Invite them to dinner in your home and be yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you feel this way, I would really worry about just how wonderful an environment it will be once dc gets a little older - especially in middle school and high school. The lack of fit between your family and the social world of the other families will likely begin to become more obvious to dc and dc's peers then - and I would hate for your child to feel like the misfit kid.

I would really appreciate it if you and the other posters would volunteer the school names - because this is just the kind of situation we are hoping to avoid (our dc is in preschool 3's currently).

Thanks and gl.

I'm guessing it would be St. Patricks. If not St. Pats, then Beauvoir.

[Anonymous]

You can find parents at any school, in any city, who feel this way.

[Anonymous]

St. Pats likely, Beauvoir, or even St. Francis/St. Andrews up in Potomac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a humorous perspective on all this, watch Julia Louis-Dreyfus' show, "The New Adventures of Old Christine." She portrays a single, divorced mom who sends her son to a ritzy private school. She's a fish out of water, and the "mean moms" torment her relentlessly (in a comedic way, of course!). The funny backstory, of course, is that Julia attended Holton for 10 years...

Yes, and her father is a French billionaire. Amazing that she turned out as she did.

[Anonymous]

The school really IS for the kids, as a PP said. I really think I have to stop reading this board.

Am I totally in love with our school? No. Does going through the admissions process make you feel great? Heck, no. Nobody likes to be rejected. Would I be happier if we got into our top choice school? Maybe, maybe not. I'm not there, so I can't say. We are at our #2 choice school. My daughter loves the school. I think someone in her class must be thinking of applying out, because she tearfully asked me in the car the other day whether she could at least stay at the school for first grade (she is in K). I had never mentioned to her any thought of applying out, so she must have heard it at school.

The reason this board drives me crazy is that we SHOULD be ecstatic. Do I love the other parents? No, except of course for one or two new ones and the ones I was friends with from preschool. Do I feel excluded? Sure. But I do anyway because I work. Even in the schools with a heavy working mom cohort, the moms you tend to see hanging around at school and showing up at these events are the SAHMs. God bless them, too, because somebody has got to do all that stuff! Yet the constant drumbeat on this board - which, let's be honet, boils down to: I am always going to think your kid is not as smart as mine because she didn't get in to a big three (never mind that we didn't even apply to two of them) - can gnaw and gnaw at you.

I am just going to keep looking in the rearview mirror at that happy face in the backseat every morning. She couldn't give a rat's behind about the big three, or whether I like the other mommies. How cute they are when they have not yet learned to be jaded, competitive and cynical. I hope against hope that she will never learn it.

[Anonymous]

SECRET -- Many of the SAHMs, including my good friends, are not as happy as you may think and are not in what they perceive to be an "in crowd." Hence, the striving. Enjoy your child and your own friends and be thrilled your kid is in a nurturing enviornment where they can learn, become confident and live a neurotic-free existence.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing it would be St. Patricks. If not St. Pats, then Beauvoir.

Why those two as guesses? Almost everyone I know at those schools are really nice people. Also, although Beauvoir gets obsessed over on these boards, St Pats is not a school that gets much press here. Seems like odd guesses considering the other schools you could have guessed.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have nothing in common with the parents of my daughter's class mates, I just ignore them. They don't mave much more money than we do, they are just boring and impractical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have nothing in common with the parents of my daughter's class mates, I just ignore them. They don't mave much more money than we do, they are just boring and impractical.

And they think you're rude and don't do anything to help.