S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Grew up in the Midwest.

[Anonymous]

Pakistani - i was allowed sleepovers. my earliest ones were with other pakistani families, but by high school, i could have sleepovers with anyone.

i do remember not being allowed to sleepover at one particular child's house when i was in 4th or 5th grade because the child had an older brother and the parents were divorced and my friend lived with dad and the brother.

i have other pakistani friends who have never been allowed sleepovers (my mother frequently used to refer to those children as "deprived" for not being allowed to have sleepovers AND always said they would "rebel" later)

[Anonymous]

I grew up in Philadelphia in the 80's. Lots of sleepovers with lots of older brothers around. Most of the time, it was fine.
My parents were not very vigilant about investigating the families I was staying at. When I was 12, my friend's siblings (in their 20's) had a party and I felt so uncomfortable around all these drunk people. I asked the only sober one for a ride home about 2a.m. Nothing bad actually happened to me, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:British Canadian- no. 'You have a bed', my mother used to tell me.

This is priceless. Love it.

this brings back memories...immigrants from the former Soviet Union-the first time I asked my dad to go to a sleepover he was so offended-kept asking what was wrong with my own bed...he eventually allowed my friend to sleep at OUR house

same here. "why do you need to go SLEEP somewhere?"

[Anonymous]

Irish/Scottish American -- yes it's normal in my culture.

[Anonymous]

Average white American growing up in Southern CA in the 1980s (though with an immigrant parent). Sleepovers were basically the birthday party staple from about 2nd grade through 7th grade. I can't tell you how many I attended or had at my house - dozens and dozens, probably. Never an objection from my parents. I don't recall if any of my friends had older siblings; it just wasn't an issue. I was, however, surprised when my 4 year old asked me about sleepovers last week - that's a little too young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American. I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic schools from K-12. Yes, sleepovers were pretty much the norm. I don't recall anyone from my schools not being allowed to participate. And they were so much fun!

I agree with PP that, statistically speaking, a child is more likely to be molested by a relative.

I grew up Catholic and Catholic schools k-12, as well. Sleepovers were absolutely the norm. That said, I think my mom let me go to sleepovers way too young with families that she did not know well enough. I actually was fondled by a high school aged brother of a friend at a sleepover in the second grade. I didn't even know this girl had a high school aged brother and I'm quite certain my parents didn't either. I never said anything. But, I didn't do anymore sleepovers with that family.

My daughter does do sleep overs but with family or friends that are like family.

All of that being said, it's still never a guarantee. Our above rule is no guarantee. I also had an uncle who -while he never molested me- was very, very inappropriate. The only answer is to be on guard all the time, ask questions, and make sure your kids are educated as to the dangers.

Great advice, but how do you help your child if they are being molested while[b] they are at the sleepover?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Faithful Catholics, no. Not in our circles.

Um, what? This may not have to do with the religion. I was raised by a very devout Catholic family and we did sleepovers all the time. All my Catholic friends were allowed to as well.) suburban NYC in the 80s.

Same here. My family (of 8 kids) was about as Catholic as you could get, and I went to sleepovers all the time as a kid. We also used to host a lot, since we had a lot of bunk beds. I'm not aware of anything in the Catholic religion that would prohibit a sleepover!

Maybe PP is saying not in her circles because the Church has a problem history with child molestation.

It wouldn't surprise me at all to know that Catholics are big on sleep overs--esp when there will be opposite sex sibs there. Catholics are pretty much in denial about the potential for teen sex in general, so.

[Anonymous]

Sweden and yes, of course. We were very anti social though. my bff come to our compound during the summer for 2 weeks. She touched the field hand boy repeatedly through his shorts with her bare foot. We had cheese comparison sniffs with boys. Eventually it worked up to them putting on a masturbation play for us girls. Ya, we were 12. A short round girl named Lotte was nice but never had sleep clothes and her father cornered me a touched my breasts in a back hallway. My kicking foot was itchy for his scrotum, but I never had my chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American. I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic schools from K-12. Yes, sleepovers were pretty much the norm. I don't recall anyone from my schools not being allowed to participate. And they were so much fun!

I agree with PP that, statistically speaking, a child is more likely to be molested by a relative.

I grew up Catholic and Catholic schools k-12, as well. Sleepovers were absolutely the norm. That said, I think my mom let me go to sleepovers way too young with families that she did not know well enough. I actually was fondled by a high school aged brother of a friend at a sleepover in the second grade. I didn't even know this girl had a high school aged brother and I'm quite certain my parents didn't either. I never said anything. But, I didn't do anymore sleepovers with that family.

My daughter does do sleep overs but with family or friends that are like family.

All of that being said, it's still never a guarantee. Our above rule is no guarantee. I also had an uncle who -while he never molested me- was very, very inappropriate. The only answer is to be on guard all the time, ask questions, and make sure your kids are educated as to the dangers.

Great advice, but how do you help your child if they are being molested while[b] they are at the sleepover?

Gosh, well I guess she's just well buggered then. If only her parent weren't so concerned with looking with it and trendy, their daughter might not have seen Mr. Finnegan's member when he unexpectedly came in while she was showering and took a quick wee. It happens. Because yes she knows Mr. Finnegan! He coaches her brother's soccer team, by jove! And it's his bathroom, he'll have wee in, tween girl in the shower not withstanding!

[Anonymous]

I went to sleepovers all the time as a kid and have many happy memories of those parties. Decades later, I'm still close friends with several women who were my childhood friends. I cherish those friendships. My DD, who's a young teen, frequently hosts sleepovers and goes to the homes of close friends for sleepovers. The same was true for her older brothers, who are now in college. We usually limit the party to no more than 3 or 4 kids at a time and have never had a problem.

This thread has made me very grateful to my parents, who immigrated to the US from another country where sleepovers were not the norm. They understood that my sibs and I were growing up in a different culture with different social rituals than they had experienced. Of course they took steps to know the parents of our friends so they would feel comfortable with allowing us to stay at their homes. Similarly, DH and I make an effort to know the parents of our children's friends. This isn't hard to do and often leads to lovely friendships among the adults.

As far as having older brothers in the house where the sleepover is held. When we host, we always tell parents of our guests that we have two older sons, so they can decide if they feel comfortable with that. We know our sons, we know their friends and we trust them, but we do also monitor things very closely. When we have guys sleeping over, they go to the basement and the girls sleep upstairs on the same floor as we do. To be honest, we have had more problems with getting the younger girls to let the older guys have some space. In particular, the girls who don't have brothers are fascinated by DS and his friends. It's interesting because our DD, who has grown up with many guys around the house -- she also has 4 male cousins -- doesn't share that besotted attitude toward teen guys!

[Anonymous]

Chilean mother, Argentine father. Both self-styled orthodox Jewish "intelligentsia." I was the eldest child of 3 (male) and was NOT allowed sleepovers under any circumstances. Whatsoever. That said, I did manage two sleepovers my senior year of high school while my dad was away for work and I was still basking in the glow of good college acceptances. I'm still very bitter about the fact that my siblings got off easier and, by the time my youngest sibling was in middle school, it was no longer an issue.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in Fairfax Co in the 80s- normal for girls beginning around third grade. Boys didn't really do them. I can't remember my brother ever having one.

I noticed now they start very young and both sexes have them. They also seem frequent.

I have two boys and I'm not a fan. I only let the older one (9) go occasionally and to Gomez were we know the parents very, very well

Truthfully, I'd be happy with none. We have lots of sports on the weekend and we don't do any before games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grew up in Fairfax Co in the 80s- normal for girls beginning around third grade. Boys didn't really do them. I can't remember my brother ever having one.

I noticed now they start very young and both sexes have them. They also seem frequent.

I have two boys and I'm not a fan. I only let the older one (9) go occasionally and to Gomez were we know the parents very, very well

Truthfully, I'd be happy with none. We have lots of sports on the weekend and we don't do any before games.

Hmmm
'Go to homes' autocorrected to 'Gomez'

[Anonymous]

American - Orthodox Jewish - we did/ do sleepovers all the time.

Part of it is that we cant drive/travel on Friday night, so I would go stay with my friends who didnt live in walking distance from Friday after school until Sat night (sometimes even Sunday).

Even as adults, we have friends stay with us for Shabbat as well.