How do I express to close friends and family not to share utensils with my toddler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no need to justify or over-explain your reasoning. Just ask for what you want. Over and over and over and over and over again.

For example:

"Please don't share your spoon with Jimmy. Let him use his own."

"Please don't feed Jimmy with your hands. Here's his spoon."

"Please let Jimmy feed himself. He's practicing it a lot right now."

"Please don't share your cup with Jimmy. His cup is right here."

"Please don't let Jimmy lick your ice cream cone. He has his own.

Sound repetitive? It is. Just keep saying these things. Every time. Even (especially) if you think you sound like a broken record.

Eventually it will sink in (and/or they will get SO SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU) that they will stop sharing utensils and stop hand feeding him. It may take awhile, but it will work.

Seriously, if one of your relatives did this - you'd still hang out with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or they will quit interacting with your kid.

I suppose you wimp out every single thing you have to make a decision about what's best for your kid that someone else be it family or the general public disagrees with ? If someone is going to stop interacting with my kid because I am doing what is best for my kid so be it. My job is to do what is best for my kid and not what is best for someone else's feelings. If you stop doing what is best for your kid because "people might quit interacting with your kid" may God help you because you will be making a lot of poor decisions based on not wanting to offend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no need to justify or over-explain your reasoning. Just ask for what you want. Over and over and over and over and over again.

For example:

"Please don't share your spoon with Jimmy. Let him use his own."

"Please don't feed Jimmy with your hands. Here's his spoon."

"Please let Jimmy feed himself. He's practicing it a lot right now."

"Please don't share your cup with Jimmy. His cup is right here."

"Please don't let Jimmy lick your ice cream cone. He has his own.

Sound repetitive? It is. Just keep saying these things. Every time. Even (especially) if you think you sound like a broken record.

Eventually it will sink in (and/or they will get SO SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU) that they will stop sharing utensils and stop hand feeding him. It may take awhile, but it will work.

Seriously, if one of your relatives did this - you'd still hang out with them?

yes, it is their kid. You would disown a relative each time they unbearable? Then none of us would have relatives. Have fun at Thanksgiving when you are 70 becasue you would have stopped hanging out with almost all your relatives because they slighted you in some small way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm going to side with you. My dentist told me people should not share utensils and cups with young children because we introduce bacteria from our mouths into their's. My husband thought it was just me being a germaphobe, but my father is an oral surgeon and he always told us to not share utensils. Well, fast forward to when I have a child, and my husband is poking fun at me for my policy in front of friends. My friend's sister, who is a dentist, jumps in and says I'm actually right. It can result in cavities in children who wouldn't otherwise get them.

Yes, unfortunately, I'm living proof of that. I want to break the cycle with my DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no need to justify or over-explain your reasoning. Just ask for what you want. Over and over and over and over and over again.

For example:

"Please don't share your spoon with Jimmy. Let him use his own."

"Please don't feed Jimmy with your hands. Here's his spoon."

"Please let Jimmy feed himself. He's practicing it a lot right now."

"Please don't share your cup with Jimmy. His cup is right here."

"Please don't let Jimmy lick your ice cream cone. He has his own.

Sound repetitive? It is. Just keep saying these things. Every time. Even (especially) if you think you sound like a broken record.

Eventually it will sink in (and/or they will get SO SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU) that they will stop sharing utensils and stop hand feeding him. It may take awhile, but it will work.

Seriously, if one of your relatives did this - you'd still hang out with them?

Nope. Probably not. And/or DH and I would make fun of them constantly.

That said, I wrote the above advice seriously. If she's that worked up about germs etc., it may be an effective strategy.

Personally, I think she's completely over-reacting and will likely alienate her family and friends. But hey, germs seem to be her top priority, and she asked for advice. I think this would be effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying to guard your children from foreign bacteria just ensures that their immune systems will be weak.

So you'll achieve your goal of having a sickly kid.

There is a difference between healthy exposure and disgusting.

I agree, and it's ignorant to say that sharing utensils will fortify the kid's immune system. Kids get plenty of exposure to bacteria if they're in childcare, if they have pets, or play outside without someone sanitizing their hands every 2 minutes. No reason for DC to swallow grandam's saliva.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no need to justify or over-explain your reasoning. Just ask for what you want. Over and over and over and over and over again.

For example:

"Please don't share your spoon with Jimmy. Let him use his own."

"Please don't feed Jimmy with your hands. Here's his spoon."

"Please let Jimmy feed himself. He's practicing it a lot right now."

"Please don't share your cup with Jimmy. His cup is right here."

"Please don't let Jimmy lick your ice cream cone. He has his own.

Sound repetitive? It is. Just keep saying these things. Every time. Even (especially) if you think you sound like a broken record.

Eventually it will sink in (and/or they will get SO SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU) that they will stop sharing utensils and stop hand feeding him. It may take awhile, but it will work.

Seriously, if one of your relatives did this - you'd still hang out with them?

Nope. Probably not. And/or DH and I would make fun of them constantly.

That said, I wrote the above advice seriously. If she's that worked up about germs etc., it may be an effective strategy.

Personally, I think she's completely over-reacting and will likely alienate her family and friends. But hey, germs seem to be her top priority, and she asked for advice. I think this would be effective.

I don't think she is worked up over germs. Doctors recommend that adults not share utensils with young children. I am from the third world where germs abound and think she is not overreacting. I'd rather my kid eat Cheerios off the floor, which he does at an alarming rate, than have someone's gingivitis causing germs given to my child on a spoon. My DH and I would make fun of you constantly for being nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no need to justify or over-explain your reasoning. Just ask for what you want. Over and over and over and over and over again.

For example:

"Please don't share your spoon with Jimmy. Let him use his own."

"Please don't feed Jimmy with your hands. Here's his spoon."

"Please let Jimmy feed himself. He's practicing it a lot right now."

"Please don't share your cup with Jimmy. His cup is right here."

"Please don't let Jimmy lick your ice cream cone. He has his own.

Sound repetitive? It is. Just keep saying these things. Every time. Even (especially) if you think you sound like a broken record.

Eventually it will sink in (and/or they will get SO SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU) that they will stop sharing utensils and stop hand feeding him. It may take awhile, but it will work.

Seriously, if one of your relatives did this - you'd still hang out with them?

NP here - yes, I would.
Regardless of what you'd do with your own child - really, is it that hard to respect the mom's wish and let the kid use his own utensils without harboring a grudge? For this reason alone? What's wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't think she is worked up over germs. Doctors recommend that adults not share utensils with young children. I am from the third world where germs abound and think she is not overreacting. I'd rather my kid eat Cheerios off the floor, which he does at an alarming rate, than have someone's gingivitis causing germs given to my child on a spoon. My DH and I would make fun of you constantly for being nasty.

Also from a developing country, and I agree. I'm OK with my kid playing in the dirt; not OK with my kid sharing utensils or kissing adults on the mouth.

[Anonymous]

OP, you might consider, as a PP mentioned, having your child sit in his own chair at communal meals. Discourage this passing him around. Sit right next to him or have his dad do so when you are away from the table so there are no more of these instances of surprise utensil sharing. Make sure you bring two sets of utensils and two cups for him so there is always something around to use instead of another person's utensils or cups. If you want your relatives and friends to respect your position, you have to do more yourself and not depend on them to do it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. It's kinda gross. Not sure what I'd doin your shoes, though!

Hey, 13:48: why the bitchy jab at SAH moms? If you're sour about your own circumstances, don't dump on others.

It wasn't a jab, it was a question, because no parent whose kid spends much time in the company of others (nanny, daycare, etc) could possibly enforce standards like this. Not sure how two words offended you.

For all you know, even if OP is SAH she may be part of a co-op, her kid could be in daycare part-time while she deals with a newborn, she could work out of the house full-time and just find the practices gross. Your assumption, if it really didn't have an element of judgment, would have been phrased as a question about how much time her kid spends around other kids (I think we all know that it's unwarranted to assume nannies do the things OP's relatives are doing, so that part of your explanation is a non-starter). At the very least, "Are you a SAHM?" would be more courteous than a condescending "SAHM, yes?"

And to the PP with the eye roll, I hope you are teaching your children to be more courteous than your snotty eye roll suggests you are.

[Anonymous]

My 3 year. Old leaned over and licked the metal grab rail on the metro. Ewwww!

Still alive, and quiet healthy due to all the germs.

You are in for a fun 2-3 years OP if you are freaking out about grandma sharing a pudding with your toddler.

[Anonymous]

People have survived for thousands of years in unsanitary conditions. And still do today. Don't you think you could relax your standards a bit, OP? Unhelicoptering will benefit both you and your child. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. It's kinda gross. Not sure what I'd doin your shoes, though!

Hey, 13:48: why the bitchy jab at SAH moms? If you're sour about your own circumstances, don't dump on others.

It wasn't a jab, it was a question, because no parent whose kid spends much time in the company of others (nanny, daycare, etc) could possibly enforce standards like this. Not sure how two words offended you.

For all you know, even if OP is SAH she may be part of a co-op, her kid could be in daycare part-time while she deals with a newborn, she could work out of the house full-time and just find the practices gross. Your assumption, if it really didn't have an element of judgment, would have been phrased as a question about how much time her kid spends around other kids (I think we all know that it's unwarranted to assume nannies do the things OP's relatives are doing, so that part of your explanation is a non-starter). At the very least, "Are you a SAHM?" would be more courteous than a condescending "SAHM, yes?"

And to the PP with the eye roll, I hope you are teaching your children to be more courteous than your snotty eye roll suggests you are.

I was responding to the exact same poster above, and his condescending see 14:18 comment. Snotty, how exactly? I hope you are spending your time worrying about your own children rather than mine. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year. Old leaned over and licked the metal grab rail on the metro. Ewwww!

Still alive, and quiet healthy due to all the germs.

You are in for a fun 2-3 years OP if you are freaking out about grandma sharing a pudding with your toddler.

Do you encourage your kid to lick the rail? Do you like it? I bet it was an isolated incident, you told the kid not to do that anymore, and thought of ways to prevent him/her from licking every rail in sight.

OP didn't freak out, she's looking for ways to deal with a recurrent situation. If it's something she can easily prevent, that's her prerogative as a mother.
I don't understand posters like you who pass judgement on other parents' standard ( especially since these are standards which a pedi & dentist would support). The question was not whether she should allow utensil sharing, but how to request ppl not do continue the utensil sharing.