How do I express to close friends and family not to share utensils with my toddler?

[Anonymous]

I am sure I will be called a freak, germophobe, etc, but as a general rule, I do not share drinks, utensils, food with anyone other than my children and my husband.

Anyway, I have an 18 month old boy and we take him out to eat with us frequently with friends and family -- usually aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. They pass DC around the table, holding him in their laps and playing with him during meals at restaurants (or sometimes at home). It almost never fails, that one or more of the extended family will do 2 things that bother me -- first, feed DC with their hands when they have not been washed anytime recently, and also try to feed him with forks or spoons they have already used to eat. I was shocked the first time it happened and it happened so fast, and without me noticing at first, so I did not say anything.

A few times, I have requested my MIL wash her hands before hand feeding DC, but she just says "Oh I washed my hands before we left the house." and continues to feed him. The sharing utensil things happens so fast too, that I usually don't have time to react - sometimes it happens when I excuse myself from the table and I come back to find an extended family member or friend feeding DC with their spoon from a communal dessert.

How do I politely and appropriately tell family and friends to get DC a new spoon, or new straw, or to wash their hands? Is this something I just have to deal with? And it happens so fast, I usually can't react in time, but I would hate to make a blanket statement at the beginning of dinner notifying everyone that DC needs his own spoon! LOL!!!!

And the times I have mentioned it when it happens, extended family listens at that time, but then the next time we are out, they just do it all over again.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Seek counseling before you damage your child.

[Anonymous]

I assume your child isn't in daycare/school? I've come into school and my daughter is drinking out of someone elses cup. Or wait until your child is literally picking someone elses nose.

At least this is family. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

I knew I would get reamed for this -- I never should have posted!

[Anonymous]

unclench

[Anonymous]

OP here, I won't be checking this post anymore due to rudeness. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

You really do need to let this go.

[Anonymous]

I dont think people are being that rude (I've seen way worse!!!) But op, you yourself said you knew you'd be called names over this. So, you must know you're being a tad unreasonable. If this is the worst "gross" thing your kid does, count yourseld lucky. I vividly remember a kid in kindergarten who picked things out of the carpet and ate them. He also ate his own boogers lol.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it depends on the family, but the usual rule could still apply: you deal with your side, DH deals with his.
There's no way around this without running the risk of being perceived as paranoid/ germophobic. You decide what's more important - family's opinion or minimizing the health risk to your kid. For me it's the latter. Be very specific - in the moment when it happens and preemptively - if you're at an event involving food, say to whomever is holding him "DC eats with his own spoon" and hand it to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I won't be checking this post anymore due to rudeness. Thanks.

Who is being rude?

[Anonymous]

OP (and I think we all know you're still reading here) unless your Aunt Gertrude has a herpes outbreak, I'm sure it's fine that people are feeding your son from their spoon. If he doesn't get a cold from them, he'll get it from licking the glass door at a shop, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

My 3 year old just ate a Cheerio off the floor in the elevator before I could stop her. Shit happens.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are very serious about this. In that event, I would say something like X gets sick a lot and we've found it helpful to limit him to only using his own spoon, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're setting a very high standard that most folks do not. So if this is something you're going to insist upon, it's going to take many iterations of telling people your rules. Remember that there will likely be costs to insisting on this standard, including what others here have already pointed out: that folks will think you're a tad bit anal, anxious, and uptight. And unfriendly. And untrusting,

So... well, just give it your best, most diplomatic shot. Over and over and over again, because this is not the kind of thing that will come naturally to people.

Maybe you can say it like: We don't share toothbrushes and we don't share spoons, forks, or eat off other people's fingers. (How you'll explain why YOU do this but not them? Call the UN diplomatic corps for help with this one! )

[Anonymous]

Please don't tell people your child gets sick easily. Eventually, your kid is going to think of himself as fragile and sickly if your do. Please loosen up. I mean that in a gentle way. Anxiety is so damaging to kids. They pick up on their mother's anxiety and then develop alot of fears, anxiety, and rigidity themselves. It may be in the genes, but see if you can minimize the impact on him by consciously non-reacting to small things. I wish you the best....it isn't easy.