question for moms who have to deal with a stepmom in their kids' lives...

[Anonymous]

Well, bio-mom either 1) wants to save money, 2) wants to save vacation time, 3) is underfunctioning (depressive?), and/or 4) lacks executive functioning and can't deal with logistics. But I agree that regardless of the reasons for her actions your concern right now should be dealing with the feelings of a 7 y.o. girl who may not be feeling great about herself or her situation right now - try to make the best of it and let DH deal with the issue on a going-forward basis (if you think there will be on-going problems like this).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, bio-mom either 1) wants to save money, 2) wants to save vacation time, 3) is underfunctioning (depressive?), and/or 4) lacks executive functioning and can't deal with logistics. But I agree that regardless of the reasons for her actions your concern right now should be dealing with the feelings of a 7 y.o. girl who may not be feeling great about herself or her situation right now - try to make the best of it and let DH deal with the issue on a going-forward basis (if you think there will be on-going problems like this).

Okay, I get that our generation of parents loves pathologizing, pop-diagnosing, and labeling our children, but when it comes to other adults can we please just say "is scatter-brained" like we used to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is Exhibit A why I, as a step mother, never come to this board for step parenting/blending family advice.

The OP didn't ask for advice. She asked if there is something wrong with bio mom. She hopefully got her answer from a bunch of people that know anything about her situation.

[Anonymous]

Can't she stay at a friend's house for the day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, bio-mom either 1) wants to save money, 2) wants to save vacation time, 3) is underfunctioning (depressive?), and/or 4) lacks executive functioning and can't deal with logistics. But I agree that regardless of the reasons for her actions your concern right now should be dealing with the feelings of a 7 y.o. girl who may not be feeling great about herself or her situation right now - try to make the best of it and let DH deal with the issue on a going-forward basis (if you think there will be on-going problems like this).

Or maybe she just has an important work project this week.

[Anonymous]

They ALWAYS do this on this board. If a stepmother posts showing concern for a situation regarding her stepchild, she gets told she needs to mind her own business. If she posts a general question of something she is unsure about, she gets told she sounds like she hates/resents the stepchild and shouldn't have married a man who had kids. I see it time and time again on the special concerns board. The moms on this board are RABID toward stepmoms.

OP, I'm a stepmother too, and I think the situation is a bit weird. When we have DSS and DH has to go into work, of course DSS just hangs out with me for the day. He tags along on whatever me and DC are doing (DC is much younger than DSS which is why I say "tag along," typically these are not activities that DSS would normally do, but they get him out of the house with us, so he goes) and then DH will do whatever with him when he gets home- take him outside to play basketball, go to a movie, whatever. But if we have made plans to have DSS and DH finds out he will be going out of town, we do not still take DSS. He stays with his mom. Some posters are jumping on you for acting like you don't have a responsibility to your stepdaughter, which is ridiculous, because of your do, but not OVER her own parents' responsibility. Those two, first and foremost, are responsible for her. So if primary care cannot be done by your husband, it should be done her mom. For our arrangement and situation, it would never happen that DH would go out of town and DSS would still come and stay with me and DC. He is with one or the other of his parents.

You don't say!

Seriously, the irony of you ranting about others bringing their own biases into the conversation is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry did you willing join this family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry did you willing join this family?

+1