DH interested in nightly sex -- am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, this is depressing.

Nightly sex is not normal? Why not?

OP, sex is supposed to be a renewal of the marriage vows, a total giving of one to the other. The problem I see is that your husband is taking, rather than giving. Sex should always be both spouses giving of themselves.

The solution is not masturbation, but a renewed understanding of what sex means. Your husband needs to fix himself, not find a new way to be selfish. Because any energy he put into porn would be taken from you. You deserve all of him.

So instead of listening to this nonsense that you should encourage your husband to become even more self-centered, you should speak to him lovingly and say that sex is an expression of love, and you are always wanting to express your love that way, and assume he is, too. But sometimes, love needs to be expressed through meeting the needs of the kids, or other, more immediate needs. That is just as profund an expression of love as sex, because it is giving of oneself, selflessly. Explain that will make him even more sexy to you, to share that mutual understanding "how I wish we could just be making love right now, but I know you feel the same way, and you are putting aside your desire for the sake of our beautiful children, or for the sake of my health or my sanity. I am so thankful for that act of love."

I would hope that these ideas do not come as a shock to him. If they do, well, he had farther to go, but he can do it. It's called being a good man.

I just vomited all over myself.

[Anonymous]

Op give it time, he will stop. It will start slow, but in the end he will not even see you when you are in the room or a crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone once told me how when she was married, sex was expected every-other night. I was horrified. I can't imagine having someone pawing at me all the time like that. I'd never be able to stand it. And I'm far from a prude. I just prefer to actually work up an appetite before I sate it. Sex every day or every other day, to me, turns it into a merely biological function. There's no desire, no hunger. I couldn't live like that.
In your situation, I would say that your husband needs to understand that sex is a challenge with small children in the house. As you get over that challenge, I guess you need to address the deeper issue of your overall sexual compatibility. If he married a woman who liked it every day, it will be unfair for you to deny him that going forward.

This is one of the reasons why I never want to live full time with a man again. I would so much rather have our weekly dates be special, be excited to see him, and full of desire, rather than feeling like I'm being used so he can just get his rocks off. Gross.

So much about this post is so sad. Sex should not be mutual or one-sided masturbation. It should be a union of souls. I can't imagine not wanting that every day of my life with the love of my life, or at least as often as possible. If I didn't have responsibilities, I would just make love to my husband endlessly.

So, so sad.

I just puked again and again and agian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A need for nightly sex is not normal.

Hand him some porn and a bottle of lube and tell him to go take care of himself while you get some sleep.

This.

[Anonymous]

A man who is kept in the doghouse will sooner or later find his way to the cathouse...