Are scholarship kids treated different at top privates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FA Family here . . .

I do not think DC has been treated differently because of aid. DC has always had really good teachers some would probably say the cream of the crop in the building. I'm not sure this is attributed to FA status or the fact that DH and I are extremely involved when it comes to understanding DC progress.

I do think DC suffers when it comes to hanging out with friends during special get togethers like a day of golf, fantasy football, or even when parents plan to send children to camps. I think it's because they feel that we can not afford it or because we do not live in the same neighborhood. This really irritates me because I often times will see the disappointment on DCs face when the others are talking and sharing. Sometimes I just would they'd ask DC to participate rather than assuming we can not afford the activity. In many cases we have family that assist with tuition cost as well as extra-curriculars to ensure DC has the same opportunities as other families.

We accepted FA because we do not have been able to give DC this opportunity otherwise. DC is doing very well is super confident and has a wealth of schema because of his educational opportunity. DC is not aware that aid is provided to cover tuition. However, we are very forthcoming about the fact that his education is not free and that he should value it. The bar is set very high and we expect DC and the school to work with us to ensure success!!

One thing that is very annoying though is when you attend the Scholarship Auction and it is continously stated "We are here this evening to give a such and such education to a desiring child that would otherwise not be able to attend such and such school. Yes, that is why we are here but isn't the purpose of the auction to bring diversity to the school as well. I know many FA recipents who work hard to ensure the acution is a success . . . It's there way of giving back .

I'm not sure what you mean regarding the scholarship auction's purpose is to bring more diversity to the school. What type of diversity are you referring to, most minorities at our school aren't in need of FA (my assumption). Are you talking about more socio-economic diversity?

Yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FA Family here . . .

I do not think DC has been treated differently because of aid. DC has always had really good teachers some would probably say the cream of the crop in the building. I'm not sure this is attributed to FA status or the fact that DH and I are extremely involved when it comes to understanding DC progress.

I do think DC suffers when it comes to hanging out with friends during special get togethers like a day of golf, fantasy football, or even when parents plan to send children to camps. I think it's because they feel that we can not afford it or because we do not live in the same neighborhood. This really irritates me because I often times will see the disappointment on DCs face when the others are talking and sharing. Sometimes I just would they'd ask DC to participate rather than assuming we can not afford the activity. In many cases we have family that assist with tuition cost as well as extra-curriculars to ensure DC has the same opportunities as other families.

We accepted FA because we do not have been able to give DC this opportunity otherwise. DC is doing very well is super confident and has a wealth of schema because of his educational opportunity. DC is not aware that aid is provided to cover tuition. However, we are very forthcoming about the fact that his education is not free and that he should value it. The bar is set very high and we expect DC and the school to work with us to ensure success!!

One thing that is very annoying though is when you attend the Scholarship Auction and it is continously stated "We are here this evening to give a such and such education to a desiring child that would otherwise not be able to attend such and such school. Yes, that is why we are here but isn't the purpose of the auction to bring diversity to the school as well. I know many FA recipents who work hard to ensure the acution is a success . . . It's there way of giving back .

I'm not sure what you mean regarding the scholarship auction's purpose is to bring more diversity to the school. What type of diversity are you referring to, most minorities at our school aren't in need of FA (my assumption). Are you talking about more socio-economic diversity?

Yes!

Absolutely, I so agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that most people know at my children's school. First, you know if you volunteer on certain committees, like the annual giving fund. Not only that, but you know how much each family has donated in the past several years. It makes me a little queasy.

More than that, people pay a lot of attention to the children who go to aftercare. I've heard dozens of comments like, "I have so-and-so over for many playdates after school because I just feel so HORRIBLE that she's at the school for 12 hours a day. . . ."

I don't think the teachers treat the children differently, but there is a LOT of conspicuous consumption at my children's private school, and it's supposedly the down-to-earth school.

In all, it's tough. But it's also tough for us - people who sacrifice to send our kids there without FA. We simply don't have the wealth that most other families have. I notice it, and it's exhausting. My children are beginning to notice it too.

I don't know if it's worth it. Time will tell.

I think this varies by school. At my kids K-8 I was on the Board of Trustees and led Annual Giving and had no information about who was on aid. Yes, the donation levels are public but there are plenty of wealthy people who chose not to give a lot so I wouldn't make any assumptions based on that.

The aftercare comment is odd too. My kids were always in aftercare. We have very high household income and were big donors. Many of the kids in aftercare had parents in high powered jobs. I would never assume that just because someone was in aftercare that they were on aid. Never occurred to me.

When my family used aftercare we didn't notice that the children with nannies/HHI attended. This probably also depends on the age of the child and varies by the school's culture.

Annual Giving - I wonder how the "ask" is decided upon on the first year of giving. Certainly, the annual giving committee isn't asking each family for $50. The peer-parents who are sending out annual giving letters or making annual giving calls are aware of each family's giving levels, top to bottom. Surely they can assume based upon the first year's giving levels who is receiving aid. Peer parents, who are chairing the annual giving campaign at our school, have access overall to who is giving what and can assume how deep or empty pockets are based upon their perception of lifestyle, profession, and neighborhood-home ownership. The development office provides additional details, confidentially, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that most people know at my children's school. First, you know if you volunteer on certain committees, like the annual giving fund. Not only that, but you know how much each family has donated in the past several years. It makes me a little queasy.

More than that, people pay a lot of attention to the children who go to aftercare. I've heard dozens of comments like, "I have so-and-so over for many playdates after school because I just feel so HORRIBLE that she's at the school for 12 hours a day. . . ."

I don't think the teachers treat the children differently, but there is a LOT of conspicuous consumption at my children's private school, and it's supposedly the down-to-earth school.

In all, it's tough. But it's also tough for us - people who sacrifice to send our kids there without FA. We simply don't have the wealth that most other families have. I notice it, and it's exhausting. My children are beginning to notice it too.

I don't know if it's worth it. Time will tell.

I think this varies by school. At my kids K-8 I was on the Board of Trustees and led Annual Giving and had no information about who was on aid. Yes, the donation levels are public but there are plenty of wealthy people who chose not to give a lot so I wouldn't make any assumptions based on that.

The aftercare comment is odd too. My kids were always in aftercare. We have very high household income and were big donors. Many of the kids in aftercare had parents in high powered jobs. I would never assume that just because someone was in aftercare that they were on aid. Never occurred to me.

When my family used aftercare we didn't notice that the children with nannies/HHI attended. This probably also depends on the age of the child and varies by the school's culture.

Annual Giving - I wonder how the "ask" is decided upon on the first year of giving. Certainly, the annual giving committee isn't asking each family for $50. The peer-parents who are sending out annual giving letters or making annual giving calls are aware of each family's giving levels, top to bottom. Surely they can assume based upon the first year's giving levels who is receiving aid. Peer parents, who are chairing the annual giving campaign at our school, have access overall to who is giving what and can assume how deep or empty pockets are based upon their perception of lifestyle, profession, and neighborhood-home ownership. The development office provides additional details, confidentially, of course.

I think it probably does vary by the school's culture so maybe something to be aware of in finding a good fit for a school. At our school many/most families with 2 working parents used the aftercare program regardless of HHI. Probably 75% of my DCs class was in aftercare for at least part of the time, mine were there until 6 pm every day. We never had a nanny, and obviously I didn't stay home (that's where our high HHI comes from), so kids were always in day care/aftercare.

As to the ask, at least at our school that was developed by the Development Office. The parents would see the ask amount if they were doing the phonathon but that's it. I suppose people can make all the assumptions they like about that but I have found that assumptions are very often wrong. The public disclosures are also pretty limited in terms of details. Yes it identifies the big donors but it usually cuts off at $500or $1000 so reading the report you don't know if someone gave $500 or $5.

Other schools may very well be different.