Are scholarship kids treated different at top privates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FA Family here . . .

I do not think DC has been treated differently because of aid. DC has always had really good teachers some would probably say the cream of the crop in the building. I'm not sure this is attributed to FA status or the fact that DH and I are extremely involved when it comes to understanding DC progress.

I do think DC suffers when it comes to hanging out with friends during special get togethers like a day of golf, fantasy football, or even when parents plan to send children to camps. I think it's because they feel that we can not afford it or because we do not live in the same neighborhood. This really irritates me because I often times will see the disappointment on DCs face when the others are talking and sharing. Sometimes I just would they'd ask DC to participate rather than assuming we can not afford the activity. In many cases we have family that assist with tuition cost as well as extra-curriculars to ensure DC has the same opportunities as other families.

We accepted FA because we do not have been able to give DC this opportunity otherwise. DC is doing very well is super confident and has a wealth of schema because of his educational opportunity. DC is not aware that aid is provided to cover tuition. However, we are very forthcoming about the fact that his education is not free and that he should value it. The bar is set very high and we expect DC and the school to work with us to ensure success!!

One thing that is very annoying though is when you attend the Scholarship Auction and it is continously stated "We are here this evening to give a such and such education to a desiring child that would otherwise not be able to attend such and such school. Yes, that is why we are here but isn't the purpose of the auction to bring diversity to the school as well. I know many FA recipents who work hard to ensure the acution is a success . . . It's there way of giving back .

I'm not sure what you mean regarding the scholarship auction's purpose is to bring more diversity to the school. What type of diversity are you referring to, most minorities at our school aren't in need of FA (my assumption). Are you talking about more socio-economic diversity?

[Anonymous]

I think that most people know at my children's school. First, you know if you volunteer on certain committees, like the annual giving fund. Not only that, but you know how much each family has donated in the past several years. It makes me a little queasy.

More than that, people pay a lot of attention to the children who go to aftercare. I've heard dozens of comments like, "I have so-and-so over for many playdates after school because I just feel so HORRIBLE that she's at the school for 12 hours a day. . . ."

I don't think the teachers treat the children differently, but there is a LOT of conspicuous consumption at my children's private school, and it's supposedly the down-to-earth school.

In all, it's tough. But it's also tough for us - people who sacrifice to send our kids there without FA. We simply don't have the wealth that most other families have. I notice it, and it's exhausting. My children are beginning to notice it too.

I don't know if it's worth it. Time will tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that most people know at my children's school. First, you know if you volunteer on certain committees, like the annual giving fund. Not only that, but you know how much each family has donated in the past several years. It makes me a little queasy.

More than that, people pay a lot of attention to the children who go to aftercare. I've heard dozens of comments like, "I have so-and-so over for many playdates after school because I just feel so HORRIBLE that she's at the school for 12 hours a day. . . ."

I don't think the teachers treat the children differently, but there is a LOT of conspicuous consumption at my children's private school, and it's supposedly the down-to-earth school.

In all, it's tough. But it's also tough for us - people who sacrifice to send our kids there without FA. We simply don't have the wealth that most other families have. I notice it, and it's exhausting. My children are beginning to notice it too.

I don't know if it's worth it. Time will tell.

This. Your kid will notice the difference, starting somewhere in middle school, even if you're not on FA, but instead you're pinching the pennies to send your kid. Ours started to notice in about 6th grade, when we got the first question about why all the other kids had been to Europe or Latin America except us.

[Anonymous]

I think the teachers do treat these kids differently in my opinion, but it's not in a negative way. It's more in an encouraging and tolerant way because they are trying to make it work and realize that some of these kids come from disadvantaged homes and are trying to fit in.

[Anonymous]

In high school: YES. (they don't seem to be able to keep up socially)
In college: NO. My child went to college in a full scholarship. No one knew, no one cared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In high school: YES. (they don't seem to be able to keep up socially)
In college: NO. My child went to college in a full scholarship. No one knew, no one cared.

This.

If your kid is in an okay situation at a private high school, it's manageable. Socially, it can be problematic, just keep the lines of communication open the best you can. And, help them to stay focused on the goal...college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the teachers do treat these kids differently in my opinion, but it's not in a negative way. It's more in an encouraging and tolerant way because they are trying to make it work and realize that some of these kids come from disadvantaged homes and are trying to fit in.

Are you speaking from parental observation of someone else's FA child or as a school administrator?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the teachers do treat these kids differently in my opinion, but it's not in a negative way. It's more in an encouraging and tolerant way because they are trying to make it work and realize that some of these kids come from disadvantaged homes and are trying to fit in.

The note appearing above is our experience. Spouse and I were both FA in private schools. It was emphatically NOT worth it, and academically we learned that all but the very top layer of privates are well below a good public academically. The teachers all knew, and so did the parents, and most of the kids. Socially, it was devastating. In college, we were both FA, but it was much easier and contextually completely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the teachers do treat these kids differently in my opinion, but it's not in a negative way. It's more in an encouraging and tolerant way because they are trying to make it work and realize that some of these kids come from disadvantaged homes and are trying to fit in.

The note appearing above is our experience. Spouse and I were both FA in private schools. It was emphatically NOT worth it, and academically we learned that all but the very top layer of privates are well below a good public academically. The teachers all knew, and so did the parents, and most of the kids. Socially, it was devastating. In college, we were both FA, but it was much easier and contextually completely different.

It wasn't worth it...do either you or your spouse feel that college would have been in reach if you had remained in the public schools that you attended prior to private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that most people know at my children's school. First, you know if you volunteer on certain committees, like the annual giving fund. Not only that, but you know how much each family has donated in the past several years. It makes me a little queasy.

More than that, people pay a lot of attention to the children who go to aftercare. I've heard dozens of comments like, "I have so-and-so over for many playdates after school because I just feel so HORRIBLE that she's at the school for 12 hours a day. . . ."

I don't think the teachers treat the children differently, but there is a LOT of conspicuous consumption at my children's private school, and it's supposedly the down-to-earth school.

In all, it's tough. But it's also tough for us - people who sacrifice to send our kids there without FA. We simply don't have the wealth that most other families have. I notice it, and it's exhausting. My children are beginning to notice it too.

I don't know if it's worth it. Time will tell.

This. Your kid will notice the difference, starting somewhere in middle school, even if you're not on FA, but instead you're pinching the pennies to send your kid. Ours started to notice in about 6th grade, when we got the first question about why all the other kids had been to Europe or Latin America except us.

Thanks, I'm the PP that you responded to. I'm glad to see it's sixth grade. My children are much younger, and I think they're beginning to notice. One child notices more than the others.

If we can make it until sixth grade before really dealing with these issues, I'll be so relieved!

I think it's very difficult around winter and spring breaks. It's not only the exotic destinations, but the fact that so many parents have 8+ weeks a year of vacation time to take these fabulous vacations!

[Anonymous]

What if your school options are ward 6, 7 & 8?

[Anonymous]

At DC's schools (3 different ones: middle and two high schools) you'd be hard pressed to sort the financial aid kids from the rest. They all go to fairly progressive schools and the majority of kids don't seem to notice or care. It's encouraging in this super segregated city.

[Anonymous]

What top private schools treat FA kids differently and it what way. I was considering applying to a few schools for K next year and would need aid and would try to avoid schools that ate known for this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What top private schools treat FA kids differently and it what way. I was considering applying to a few schools for K next year and would need aid and would try to avoid schools that ate known for this behavior.

The early years aren't an issue. Beauvoir was a lovely experience, definitely apply. Academically and socially my DC thrived. The teachers and admin were very responsive and caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that most people know at my children's school. First, you know if you volunteer on certain committees, like the annual giving fund. Not only that, but you know how much each family has donated in the past several years. It makes me a little queasy.

More than that, people pay a lot of attention to the children who go to aftercare. I've heard dozens of comments like, "I have so-and-so over for many playdates after school because I just feel so HORRIBLE that she's at the school for 12 hours a day. . . ."

I don't think the teachers treat the children differently, but there is a LOT of conspicuous consumption at my children's private school, and it's supposedly the down-to-earth school.

In all, it's tough. But it's also tough for us - people who sacrifice to send our kids there without FA. We simply don't have the wealth that most other families have. I notice it, and it's exhausting. My children are beginning to notice it too.

I don't know if it's worth it. Time will tell.

I think this varies by school. At my kids K-8 I was on the Board of Trustees and led Annual Giving and had no information about who was on aid. Yes, the donation levels are public but there are plenty of wealthy people who chose not to give a lot so I wouldn't make any assumptions based on that.

The aftercare comment is odd too. My kids were always in aftercare. We have very high household income and were big donors. Many of the kids in aftercare had parents in high powered jobs. I would never assume that just because someone was in aftercare that they were on aid. Never occurred to me.