How do I pull us out of our sexless rut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend of mine was just commenting that he thought it was so much easier for SAHMs inclined to cheat these days; particularly if their kids are of school age. 5 hours a day alone and, as a woman, a much easier time finding a willing sex partner. I'd have to agree.

SAHM here -

The reality doesn't measure up to the fantasy. A friend once told me "Don't poop where you eat." I am alone most of the day but I would never have a guy come to my home for an affair.

The other issue, she is home alone for a reason. All the men with jobs are at work. Where is she going to find someone to have a fling with?

OMG, you should see how the women act at the gym durning the day. Like a bunch of cats in heat. There was even one recently who left her DH for one of the fitness instructors.

So the poor guy is working his ass off so that SHE can go to the gym and then she leaves him. Men, think VERY carefully about getting married. Half of his assets are gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the first time I've ever admitted this, but I have the same problem with my DH. He barely seems attracted to me anymore. I look just the same as I did when we were first married, I swear. People (other people, anyway) tell me I'm attractive. I work out regularly, stay very fit. I feel ashamed. Am I supposed to tell him I want him to be affectionate with me? I'm not just talking sex (although it would be nice if he ever ever ever initiated). I'm talking hand holding, cuddling, saying I love you, etc. He's so affectionate with our kids, just not with me. I'm so, so embarrassed that I can't work up the nerve to tell him I need affection.

I'm like you, and I've told my DH point blank. No dice. I have a boyfriend through work. He and I work in different areas of the company and different geographic locations. It's the only way to survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first time I've ever admitted this, but I have the same problem with my DH. He barely seems attracted to me anymore. I look just the same as I did when we were first married, I swear. People (other people, anyway) tell me I'm attractive. I work out regularly, stay very fit. I feel ashamed. Am I supposed to tell him I want him to be affectionate with me? I'm not just talking sex (although it would be nice if he ever ever ever initiated). I'm talking hand holding, cuddling, saying I love you, etc. He's so affectionate with our kids, just not with me. I'm so, so embarrassed that I can't work up the nerve to tell him I need affection.

I'm like you, and I've told my DH point blank. No dice. I have a boyfriend through work. He and I work in different areas of the company and different geographic locations. It's the only way to survive.

That's no way to live. But for the other person, don't be embarassed. Say what you need. You both fell in love and decided to marry so there must have been something there. I am a DH and seriously thought my wife would leave me because we had the same issues. I was tired from pressure at work and with her being a SAHM mom, I resented all the responsibility that I had and also felt like I was living with a stranger.

We found a very good counselor and started talking about what was bothering us. I learned that we saw a number of things differently and needed a better way to communicate or we would be doomed. My wife pretty much said that she needed the man she fell in love with, not the always on the run guy who couldn't find the time to tune in to what she wanted. And because marriage should be a two-way street, I expressed my needs. If counseling can work with us, it might work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend of mine was just commenting that he thought it was so much easier for SAHMs inclined to cheat these days; particularly if their kids are of school age. 5 hours a day alone and, as a woman, a much easier time finding a willing sex partner. I'd have to agree.

SAHM here -

The reality doesn't measure up to the fantasy. A friend once told me "Don't poop where you eat." I am alone most of the day but I would never have a guy come to my home for an affair.

The other issue, she is home alone for a reason. All the men with jobs are at work. Where is she going to find someone to have a fling with?

OMG, you should see how the women act at the gym durning the day. Like a bunch of cats in heat. There was even one recently who left her DH for one of the fitness instructors.

So the poor guy is working his ass off so that SHE can go to the gym and then she leaves him. Men, think VERY carefully about getting married. Half of his assets are gone.

Yea, but I'm sure the fitness instructor will leave her eventually...they are both so self absorbed.

I'm sure the DH will bounce back with someone a bit younger than his STBEX. Who knows? He might have been cheating too. These husbands travel alot and I'm sure on both sides of the equation each get lonly for some lovin'.

[Anonymous]

Well I'm a DH and after reading this thread, wonder what is going through these guy's minds. Who knows, probably friends of mine live like this. My thinking is that I waited so long and went through so many people before I met my wife that the last thing I want is to risk losing her or have her in the arms of another man. It would make me sick. Don't claim to be a perfect husband, nobody is, but this subject is depressing. Even if I am having a bad day, if she wants sex, it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm a DH and after reading this thread, wonder what is going through these guy's minds. Who knows, probably friends of mine live like this. My thinking is that I waited so long and went through so many people before I met my wife that the last thing I want is to risk losing her or have her in the arms of another man. It would make me sick. Don't claim to be a perfect husband, nobody is, but this subject is depressing. Even if I am having a bad day, if she wants sex, it happens.

You're hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which gym??

I'm not sayin. The affair caused quite a scandal, so if you go there frequently and are friendly with the instructors/trainers-you already know where I'm talking about.

Definitely not my gym. I go there every morning and it seems that the average age is over 60.

Mental note to self, start checking out new gyms tomorrow! I'm tire of having old geezers checking out my ass. Could use a hot 30 something personal trainer. Yum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which gym??

I'm not sayin. The affair caused quite a scandal, so if you go there frequently and are friendly with the instructors/trainers-you already know where I'm talking about.

Definitely not my gym. I go there every morning and it seems that the average age is over 60.

Mental note to self, start checking out new gyms tomorrow! I'm tire of having old geezers checking out my ass. Could use a hot 30 something personal trainer. Yum.

me too

[Anonymous]

So the consensus is that boyfriend is the answer?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

If you need sex and your spouse isn't putting out, you have to get it somewhere. This applies for both men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you need sex and your spouse isn't putting out, you have to get it somewhere. This applies for both men and women.

I am OK with this as long as there is some kind of agreement. Meaning, a talk where one person recognizes that the other has a need and that it is fine to do it outside of the marriage. For example, one of them is bisexual and needs to scratch that itch.

[Anonymous]

I'd no more o.k. with cheating on my wife than I would be o.k. with her making some other guy a joint owner of our bank account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm a DH and after reading this thread, wonder what is going through these guy's minds. Who knows, probably friends of mine live like this. My thinking is that I waited so long and went through so many people before I met my wife that the last thing I want is to risk losing her or have her in the arms of another man. It would make me sick. Don't claim to be a perfect husband, nobody is, but this subject is depressing. Even if I am having a bad day, if she wants sex, it happens.

You're hot.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd no more o.k. with cheating on my wife than I would be o.k. with her making some other guy a joint owner of our bank account.

But I guess she puts out