How do I pull us out of our sexless rut?

[Anonymous]

My sex drive is much greater than DH, and I've initiated several times but he declines because he says he's too tired. We have young children and he's older than me. Need tips on spicing things up so I can get more action! Anyone else in the same boat? Any guys out there with advice?

[Anonymous]

Woah! Your husband has the low sex drive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woah! Your husband has the low sex drive?

Not the PP but it's not that uncommon. Or in our case, he had the low sex drive for me (was fine with porn). Not all men do what it takes to stay attracted to their wives. He started disconnecting sexually when I got pregnant the first time and it only got worse from there.

And before anyone asks, I'm attractive, fit, and I take care of myself.

[Anonymous]

Maybe do more chores around the house? (That's what they always say when the DW has the low sex drive.)

[Anonymous]

Strap him down, milk his prostate and blow him 'til he's about to O. Then sit on his face, tell him the only way he gets to finish is to satisfy you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I could do more chores but I'm not sure that would automatically mean I'm getting some... I feel like it's weird that he's the one with the low drive and wanted to know if there are others like me out there. He does not seem to be into porn, I think he would rather sleep or watch sports or drink or something. Maybe he's not sexually attracted to me anymore. He says he is, but he could be just saying that to be nice. Fwiw I'm back to pre baby weight tho it's sitting a little differently. I would like to both spice things up by being the direct initiator, but I'd also like to "inspire" him to initiate too.

[Anonymous]

My husband is the same way. Has been for over 4 years. We're at 3 times for the year. I have a boyfriend now. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the same way. Has been for over 4 years. We're at 3 times for the year. I have a boyfriend now. Good luck OP!

Does DH know? Is boyfriend married or does he also have a girlfriend? Where did you meet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I could do more chores but I'm not sure that would automatically mean I'm getting some... I feel like it's weird that he's the one with the low drive and wanted to know if there are others like me out there. He does not seem to be into porn, I think he would rather sleep or watch sports or drink or something. Maybe he's not sexually attracted to me anymore. He says he is, but he could be just saying that to be nice. Fwiw I'm back to pre baby weight tho it's sitting a little differently. I would like to both spice things up by being the direct initiator, but I'd also like to "inspire" him to initiate too.

Weekend a a swanky hotel will do it. Mine was like a wildman when we got there - it was a total surprise to him. Plus, I also brought some toys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the same way. Has been for over 4 years. We're at 3 times for the year. I have a boyfriend now. Good luck OP!

Ditto

[Anonymous]

My DH has a low sex drive too. He has for our 20 years of marriage. I used to take it really personally that he never initiated, but now I'm kind of used to it.

[Anonymous]

Nip this in the bud. Counseling, come to Jesus talk, whatever. It only gets worse from here. We are working on it but may divorce. I'm not affair material, and I want the whole deal - intimacy, love, sex, relationship. I'm old enough to know it's never perfect (or near perfect) but it can be better than this. And I'm young enough that I still have a shot at finding someone, maybe not for marriage but at least for relationship with sex. I love him but I won't go the rest of my life without sex and intimacy if I can help it.

And no, our issues are deeper than sex. Intimacy and connection left the marriage first, then sex.

[Anonymous]

Please define what intimacy and connection mean to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the same way. Has been for over 4 years. We're at 3 times for the year. I have a boyfriend now. Good luck OP!

+1. Same boat, I'm a DW with a DH who is about 3 times a year or LESS....and I also have a boyfriend now. It has made life much better. Good luck OP as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I could do more chores but I'm not sure that would automatically mean I'm getting some... I feel like it's weird that he's the one with the low drive and wanted to know if there are others like me out there. He does not seem to be into porn, I think he would rather sleep or watch sports or drink or something. Maybe he's not sexually attracted to me anymore. He says he is, but he could be just saying that to be nice. Fwiw I'm back to pre baby weight tho it's sitting a little differently. I would like to both spice things up by being the direct initiator, but I'd also like to "inspire" him to initiate too.

Weekend a a swanky hotel will do it. Mine was like a wildman when we got there - it was a total surprise to him. Plus, I also brought some toys.

I'm one of the PPs with the boyfriend. Before getting the boyfriend, I tried teh hotel tactic several times -- in a way it worked in that he could not escape sex - but he did not initiate it, and wa snot enthusiastic about it. I think that maybey my DH is closet gay.