Reply to How do I pull us out of our sexless rut?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is the first time I've ever admitted this, but I have the same problem with my DH.  He barely seems attracted to me anymore.  I look just the same as I did when we were first married, I swear.  People (other people, anyway) tell me I'm attractive.  I work out regularly, stay very fit.  I feel ashamed.  Am I supposed to tell him I want him to be affectionate with me?  I'm not just talking sex (although it would be nice if he ever ever ever initiated).  I'm talking hand holding, cuddling, saying I love you, etc.  He's so affectionate with our kids, just not with me.  I'm so, so embarrassed that I can't work up the nerve to tell him I need affection.[/quote]

I'm like you, and I've told my DH point blank. No dice.  [b]I have a boyfriend through work. He and I work in different areas of the company and different geographic locations. It's the only way to survive[/b].[/quote]

That's no way to live.  But for the other person, don't be embarassed.  Say what you need.  You both fell in love and decided to marry so there must have been something there.  I am a DH and seriously thought my wife would leave me because we had the same issues.  I was tired from pressure at work and with her being a SAHM mom, I resented all the responsibility that I had and also felt like I was living with a stranger.

We found a very good counselor and started talking about what was bothering us.  I learned that we saw a number of things differently and needed a better way to communicate or we would be doomed.  My wife pretty much said that she needed the man she fell in love with, not the always on the run guy who couldn't find the time to tune in to what she wanted.  And because marriage should be a two-way street, I expressed my needs.  If counseling can work with us, it might work for you.    [/quote]

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