Please help, what is this condition or disorder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DS was served fruit on the same plate as his pancakes and he flipped out. He wanted them in a bowl. He also wanted the pancakes arranged in a spiral way like how dad does it. Dad started making bfast leately as I have a newborn to care for and Dad came up with this pancake spiral idea. The problem is his intense rigidity and the absolutely rudeness.

I'll add - the next day he wanted a waffle. I put it on the kitchen counter and asked him to get it. He wanted to eat it at the table. I said "baby's crying..I gotta run. Go get it." He says to me: "What, are you arm muscles broken?" Just rude, rude, rude and it upsets me. I am NOT a lazy mom at all.

DS does not have issues with tastes or textures at all..never has. His sensory issues is that he is a sensory craver. He touches every thing, every where. He also can't sit still at the dinner table, at restaurants, in class...

Some on this thread are assuming we have no consequences for DS for bad behavior. We do. We do timeout and loss of privileges. When he spoke to me that way, I told him he'd have to get his own snack when he was hungry that day. That day he made his own snack - toasted cinnamon raisin bread with butter.

Across the board every clinician we saw said he has adhd and spd. I know he has asd traits but he seems not to fit the asd mold. He is extremely communicative and social and doesn't stand out in these. But on the other hand he is rigid and inflexible and remember that he does have a perseveration with electronics. His therapist says he is gifted in that area so she isnt' sure if she'd call it a perseveration she said.

I would simply go with your gut on his diagnosis. What do YOU think he has? And treat the symptoms.

My AS/ASD son who was evaluated multiple times and every single time got a diagnosis of AS/ASD is not particularly rigid or inflexible. Has no problems with transitions. He is also "extremely communicative and social" with adults, even strangers, just not his peers. And apparently the "holy grail" for dx Asperger's to some, his eye contact is fine - normal. Has obsessive interests. Every ASD child is different as are ADHD and SPD kids. I wouldn't sweat the diagnosis as long as you're treating the symptoms.

Your description is not at all suggestive of an AS/ASD, though. And when they grow up....autistic kids actually appear pretty similar.

Believe what you want. You never met my child. The school psychologist, our private developmental pediatrician, and the team at the Center for Autism Spectrum Disorders, Children's Hospital, all concluded independently that he has Asperger's/ASD. My husband and I have no problem with his diagnosis and treat his symptoms accordingly. He's doing great.

Again, the issue isn't your child. You have the Dx you want and it's all working for your family, so fine. The issue is you continually trying to sell that children can be appear socially typical and have autism. There's something in your description that just doesn't add up, and I think you do a disservice to others with this.

[Anonymous]

OMG, where did I say "children can appear socially typical and have autism"? You are insane. I accept my child's AS/ASD b/c I have seen him in a classroom where he is far from "socially typical" unlike at home where he does seem NT.

It's my biggest regret that I wasn't aware he had issues (and did not get interventions earlier) and had to find out when he started school - his first time in a group setting with same age peers - getting notes from the teacher everyday about behaviors... I had no clue... I know for a fact this is the way many parents with high functioning AS kids find out about their child's issues. I've met quite a few moms at my child's various therapies who found out the same exact way.

So yes, I'm trying to help. Yes, you can have a seemingly "normal" child at home who later turns out has Asperger's.

Also, I have relatives who have refused to get their children evaluated when their kid's school requested it. Young kids who don't have a dx or a ruled out dx b/c their parents refused to get them evaluated. And a older teen who's parents refused until he was a teen - missing out on any help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, where did I say "children can appear socially typical and have autism"? You are insane. I accept my child's AS/ASD b/c I have seen him in a classroom where he is far from "socially typical" unlike at home where he does seem NT.

It's my biggest regret that I wasn't aware he had issues (and did not get interventions earlier) and had to find out when he started school - his first time in a group setting with same age peers - getting notes from the teacher everyday about behaviors... I had no clue... I know for a fact this is the way many parents with high functioning AS kids find out about their child's issues. I've met quite a few moms at my child's various therapies who found out the same exact way.

So yes, I'm trying to help. Yes, you can have a seemingly "normal" child at home who later turns out has Asperger's.

Also, I have relatives who have refused to get their children evaluated when their kid's school requested it. Young kids who don't have a dx or a ruled out dx b/c their parents refused to get them evaluated. And a older teen who's parents refused until he was a teen - missing out on any help.

Again, many special needs kids of all types lag behind typical social behavior in the classroom. That's no indicator in itself of an ASD.

[Anonymous]

I describe MY child and give HIS diagnosis which his doctors, school and we, his parents, all agree on and you come here and make snide comments implying we have got it all wrong.

I don't care what you think. You never met my child. Keep your know-nothing comments to yourself.

[Anonymous]

PP perhaps your child is indeed ASD. It's just that some parents have children who also have 'symptoms ' of ASD but aren't ASD. I think there is a lot of confusion as to who is ASD and who isn't sometimes. That's all the other PP is saying.

ASD can not be turned off...a child behaving typically at home but ASD at school. It just doesn't work that way. ASD is a very serious neurological disorder. It can't mask itself as neurotypical in one setting, ASD in another. ASD children, i.e. Aspergers, will still say or act inappropriately with adults even at times.

I'm the OP.

It's just hard to figure out what my own child has really. And sometimes treatments are dependent on the dx.

[Anonymous]

I think that unconsciously we can accomodate kids and if we don't spend a lot of time with same aged kids, our child can seem NT to us when interacting with us at home. Not the PP but I think this is what she means.

OP, I think the diagnoses that your son has explain his behavior. It is going to take longer for him to "get" social rules re: tone, etc, and his sensory issues are not him trying to bug you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP perhaps your child is indeed ASD. It's just that some parents have children who also have 'symptoms ' of ASD but aren't ASD. I think there is a lot of confusion as to who is ASD and who isn't sometimes. That's all the other PP is saying.

ASD can not be turned off...a child behaving typically at home but ASD at school. It just doesn't work that way. ASD is a very serious neurological disorder. It can't mask itself as neurotypical in one setting, ASD in another. ASD children, i.e. Aspergers, will still say or act inappropriately with adults even at times.

I'm the OP.

It's just hard to figure out what my own child has really. And sometimes treatments are dependent on the dx.

An ASD doesn't turn itself off but when kids are high functioning it is absolutely different at home and at school. At home we accommodate our children, consciously or not. A child who has trouble reading nonverbal cues will have parents who have -- probably unconsciously -- taught that child to read their own cues while at the same time finding other ways to communicate. Here's an example: when my DS was young if I yelled his name, he wouldn't answer. he saw no reason to. But when I yelled a question "are you up there?" Or "can you come down for dinner?" he would answer, because it was a question. Even before he had a diagnosis, I learned to communicate in that manner and didn't think twice about it. Thats a small example, but repeat it over every exchange and interaction.

Then send the same child to school where, first of all, the social demands increase substantially. They are around a lot of people, participating in group activities. They have to read nonverbal cues from a number of strangers and they have to pay attention to the teacher's instructions. It is intuitive for NT kids to pay attention to what the teacher has to say. When my DS started school, bright as he was, he saw no reason why he should look at the teacher as opposed to look at the cabinet door hinge, which was actually more appealing because it was less confusing.

So just imagine the difference in behavior between these two situations. I think it can feed a parent's denial to think that a child has to behave the same at school and at home in order to have an ASD. Thats like saying a person should communicate equally in the US and in a country that speaks an entirely unknown language.

[Anonymous]

20:35. Thank you to you both, 18:04 and 17:20. That's exactly what I'm describing. My DS who definitely has Asperger's is like two different people at home and at school b/c no one compensates for his social deficits consciously or unconsciously at school.

I spend a lot of time at DS's school where he is with NT peers and it's very obvious to me and everyone else including his 4/5 yr old peers that he is "different." His AS isn't turned on and off but depending on the social environment and context, it's more obvious in one then the other. This is preciously the reason that our developmental pediatrician, Dr. Shapiro, observes kids at school as part of giving a diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read this whole thread, but I wanted to respond to OP's original post.

I have an older child who behaved similarly to OP's child when he was younger. My child never had a diagnosis, despite repeated visits to many specialists, tests, etc. Every expert I took my child to told me I needed their particular treatment, from listening (can't remember what it's called) to this thing where you do some stuff on a computer while wearing headphones (can't remember what that's called) to PT, OT, speech therapy, social therapy, etc. etc. I ended up listening to my gut feelings, and using the therapies that made the most sense to me based on MY knowledge of MY child, not that of some "expert" who saw my child for a total of 30 minutes.

Despite having no diagnosis, I went with the biomedical approach that's used most often with ASD kids using diet, supplements, homeopathy and chelation as well as social, speech, OT, PT.

Fast forward a decade, and DS is pretty close to typical for kids his age. Some people who knew him back then claim he "grew out of it" but I think it's a combination of therapies that made him get better.

OP, I will say that I gave up my career to take care of my child and that I'd do it again, but it's a huge burden and a full time job that carries an enormous cost. If you don't have time to deal with such a child (and who does?), just do the best you can. I avoided medication because I feared the long term effects of it (unknown, despite MDs protestations that all these medications are "safe" for children), but I do understand parents who medicate their children because they need their child to function NOW. But I'd get off the meds as quickly as you can, should you need to use that approach.

You have my sympathies, OP. Diagnoses imply a "cure" or treatment, but there is no such simple answer, nor are diagnoses clear or straightforward. Every child is different, and therefore the treatment has to be tailored specifically to that child.

OP, please ignore the ignorant posters who criticize your parenting skills. I was given so many dirty looks by parents for my child's behavior that I finally learned to tell myself that I am doing the very best I can, and that my child's behavior is not my fault. I have three other children who behave "normally", so I would look at them and realize that all those ignorant parents' dirty looks reflect their lack of empathy, and that my "normal" children reflect my true parenting skills. It is so, so difficult to have a child with problems, OP. Hang in there. My child is really delightful now, not perfect, but a pleasure to be around, reasonable and social, and only rude sometimes. I never get dirty looks, and often receive compliments from people who tell me what a nice child he is. It's been a long road, and it's not over yet, but I did get through those very bad years, and you, OP, are right in the midst of them. Good luck to you.