Opening gifts at party

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of the people posting this this insisting that it's just so totally rude not to open each and every present and ooh and ah over each one 1) currently have infants and 2 yr olds, and have never yet "had" to host a 5 yr old's party wherein the entire kindergarten class of 26 kids is invited (because that's what is done in your school, and your child was invited to 24 parties, and your child is old enough to strongly express a preference for having the exact kind of party all her friends had so you "can't" just invite 3 kids).

2) should also post the more militant of these "how rude" postings on the "What Did you Say You Would Never Do" thread.

Regarding #1, not all parents of younger children will suddenly find out later that they "have" to invite the entire kindergarten class because of either peer pressure or a five-year-old's demands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many, many other opportunities for kids to learn to be gracious and say thank you, not just for gifts but for everyday kindnesses. My kids say thank you when I give them a cup of milk, and they say thank you when they get a gift. They don't need to be in the middle of a birthday party surrounded by other kids to learn how important it is to say thank you.

As to the allegedly difficult task of explaining to your 4 or 5 yo why the birthday boy or girl didn't open his gift and thank him at the party, I'd say this is a perfect opportunity to explain that gift-giving should be a selfless act -- that one should never give a gift with the expectation of reward or public recognition. That said, I can't imagine a child actually being upset about this. This sounds suspiciously like parental projection.

I agree with this. I teach my dd to get in the habit of saying "thank you". Sometimes she surprises me by actually saying "thank you" without me having to remind her. When baby is 1 and 2 yo, it is all parent who is miming thank you. Doesn't have the same effect as if the child said it him/herself without being forced in front of a crowd.

[Anonymous]

I'm the "who cares" poster (but who also thinks not opening could be perceived as rude) and I want to say touche to the last two posters. You are right, my kid is not old enough to have one of those kinds of parties yet with 26 kids, etc so I don't really know. Time will tell I suppose!

I especially like the point the other poster made about using this as an opportunity to explain that gift-giving is a selfless act. Love it! I did not think of that and am very glad this point was raised. I was totally with you until you suggested "parental projection" - that just prompts me to say screw you (respectively). I said *I* don't care. And maybe I am projecting? I don't know. I'm just trying to guess how a 5 y/o would feel. But your comment at the end rubbed me the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think a lot of the people posting this this insisting that it's just so totally rude not to open each and every present and ooh and ah over each one 1) currently have infants and 2 yr olds, and have never yet "had" to host a 5 yr old's party wherein the entire kindergarten class of 26 kids is invited (because that's what is done in your school, and your child was invited to 24 parties, and your child is old enough to strongly express a preference for having the exact kind of party all her friends had so you "can't" just invite 3 kids).

2) should also post the more militant of these "how rude" postings on the "What Did you Say You Would Never Do" thread.

Regarding #1, not all parents of younger children will suddenly find out later that they "have" to invite the entire kindergarten class because of either peer pressure or a five-year-old's demands.

We invited the entire class because once you get to a certain level of classmates, it really is appropriate to then invite everyone. We did not "have" to, but chose to.

[Anonymous]

We invited the entire class because once you get to a certain level of classmates, it really is appropriate to then invite everyone. We did not "have" to, but chose to.

Right, that's what I'm sayin'. And when you get to this point in your parenting career, when the kids are 5, 6, 7, spending an hour opening gifts at a 2-hour party is ... well, I've never personally seen it happen.

[Anonymous]

Then, as so many people have suggested, maybe there's no need to have gifts at an all-classmates, too-big-for-opening-presents party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many, many other opportunities for kids to learn to be gracious and say thank you, not just for gifts but for everyday kindnesses. My kids say thank you when I give them a cup of milk, and they say thank you when they get a gift. They don't need to be in the middle of a birthday party surrounded by other kids to learn how important it is to say thank you.

As to the allegedly difficult task of explaining to your 4 or 5 yo why the birthday boy or girl didn't open his gift and thank him at the party, I'd say this is a perfect opportunity to explain that gift-giving should be a selfless act -- that one should never give a gift with the expectation of reward or public recognition. That said, I can't imagine a child actually being upset about this. This sounds suspiciously like parental projection.

I agree with this. I teach my dd to get in the habit of saying "thank you". Sometimes she surprises me by actually saying "thank you" without me having to remind her. When baby is 1 and 2 yo, it is all parent who is miming thank you. Doesn't have the same effect as if the child said it him/herself without being forced in front of a crowd.

You are right that there are any other opportunities to teach about be gracious and say thank you. However, I disagree that a 2yo CAN NOT say thank you at a party. My then 2yo did say thank you when opening some of the gifts and some of the time she did need to be reminded. Either way at 2.5 she now always says thank you when given a gift and the majority of the time says thank you when given "a cup of milk" or such. I attended a 1yo party recently where they didn't open gifts and I did understand why they didn't do it. However, at their 5yo's party with many kids they DID open them and I was glad so I could see the reaction of the birthday boy.

At my DD's 1st parties we opened presents and because they were both fairly small, people wanted to open them and show us (the parents) what they had gotten becasue they were excited. For her 2nd she was excited by most of the gifts. I think you don't give your 2yo and up enough credit. As they get older and you "choose" (however you want to phrase parental peer pressure) to invite your DC's whole 26-child class I think it is rude not to open gifts. These DC are now old enough to have helped pick the gift out and gift receiver is old enough to understand how to graciously accept gifts.

As for being a selfless giver, I agree that is what I would tell my DC when they are older if they attend a party where gifts are not opened.

As for pp who stated that at 1 or 2 parent is just miming thank you - maybe, but it demonstrates that you care about the gift giver and are trying to instill manners into your child. It should have the sae effect to the gift giver.

Also, I make a lot of gifts myself - quilts for wedding showers and baby showers, monogrammed items for kids' birthdays and christmas. I really do enjoy seeing the gifts opened.

[Anonymous]

But part of the fun of giving a present is watching the birthday boy/girl open it...it's a sense of self satisfaction that you picked out a cool gift that somebody will enjoy
....sorta like at Christmas time - you enjoy watching people open/enjoy the present you bought, wrapped, and gave to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But part of the fun of giving a present is watching the birthday boy/girl open it...it's a sense of self satisfaction that you picked out a cool gift that somebody will enjoy
....sorta like at Christmas time - you enjoy watching people open/enjoy the present you bought, wrapped, and gave to them.

Unfortunately, kids are sometimes too honest and tend to say things like - I already have this or I don't like this game.

I chose not to open gifts at my baby shower. I got a lot of flack for it from a couple of people, but a few of my friends came up and said - thank God you didn't open gifts, I hate that part!

[Anonymous]

It has never occurred to me to open gifts at a birthday party and I had never seen it done until my 8 yr old DD at her last party (sleepover with 11 girls) started ripping into the presents the next morning after breakfast and dancing. I was horrified but too sleep deprived and out of other creative ideas to offer an alternative. Thankfully, she was thoughtful enough to have one of her friends to write everything down so she could do her thank you notes later. And then they all proceeded to play with the popular items. Which also broke my rule of not being able to play with or use a birthday gift until the thank you note is written by DD ofcourse

It never dawned on me that I could be offending the gift-giver by not opening the gifts. I always thought of it as sparing the guests. I must say that my mother when in attendance always tried to convince me to open them. I dismissed it as a generational thing. I must say that I do not see showers (baby or wedding) as a comparison, because the whole point of a shower is to "shower the honoree" with presents. So I would find it odd and would be disappointed if I attended a shower and did not get to see all of the wonderful gifts,not just mine. I, however, would never be offended because I respect other people's opinion and differences in how they do things. On the other hand, I don't view gift giving as a key element of a birthday party. I see it as secondary. But this is just my very humble opinion.

[Anonymous]

Is there ANYTHING more dull than watching kids (or adults) open gifts?!?!?!? Argh. Wow....another princess crown decorating kit...Cringe-worthy. Drinking heavily-worthy. That being said, some families do it, some families don't. I DO NOT do it when it is a many kid party b/c 1) it is boring and 2) it feels competitive and 3) can make other kids jealous (other kids take toys and play with them before b-day kid is ready, etc). I DO open gifts with just family member parties. Grandma gets a kick out of it and it does not take long. But if you err on one side....DO NOT DO IT! The moms will silently, but sincerely, thank you.

[Anonymous]

At 2 we didn't really have a real party anyway, but parties that we went to for 2 and 3 year olds tended to not open the gifts at the party, which I thought was wise.

For 4 and 5 year olds, however, I notice the gifts were almost always opened at the party and we did that also. I think at that age the kids really want to see what they have gotten, and the kids who are giving gifts like the see the reaction to what they have brought. I still think it's worth doing quickly so nobody gets bored, and it's best followed by a game or pinata or goody bag distribution so everybody feels like they've gotten a little something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there ANYTHING more dull than watching kids (or adults) open gifts?!?!?!? Argh. Wow....another princess crown decorating kit...Cringe-worthy. Drinking heavily-worthy. That being said, some families do it, some families don't. I DO NOT do it when it is a many kid party b/c 1) it is boring and 2) it feels competitive and 3) can make other kids jealous (other kids take toys and play with them before b-day kid is ready, etc). I DO open gifts with just family member parties. Grandma gets a kick out of it and it does not take long. But if you err on one side....DO NOT DO IT! The moms will silently, but sincerely, thank you.

Yes, going to a party where they DON'T open the gifts. I really think I would stop putting so much effort into picking out gifts because I would never get feedback on what the kids like and don't like.

To address your points 1) it may be boring to you (which I actually find sad that you don't enjoy watching a child's enjoyment of opening presents), but I actually enjoy this part of the party 2) it doesn't have to be competitive unless you make it that way and as I've said before that's part of life. You should be teaching your child that there will usually be people with more than you and people with less than you and you should be happy with what you have or can afford to give as a gift 3) my response to #2 addresses this concern about making kids jealous. If you don't want other kids playing with the toys than put them up on a counter or table as they open them to the other kids can't get to them. Learn to tell your children no and control them when you don't want them to do something.

I just think the reasons given for not opening presents are somewhat amusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But part of the fun of giving a present is watching the birthday boy/girl open it...it's a sense of self satisfaction that you picked out a cool gift that somebody will enjoy
....sorta like at Christmas time - you enjoy watching people open/enjoy the present you bought, wrapped, and gave to them.

Unfortunately, kids are sometimes too honest and tend to say things like - I already have this or I don't like this game.

I chose not to open gifts at my baby shower. I got a lot of flack for it from a couple of people, but a few of my friends came up and said - thank God you didn't open gifts, I hate that part!

Well, that would depend on the age of the child and how well he/she has been taught manners.

[Anonymous]

"Yes, going to a party where they DON'T open the gifts. I really think I would stop putting so much effort into picking out gifts because I would never get feedback on what the kids like and don't like.

To address your points 1) it may be boring to you (which I actually find sad that you don't enjoy watching a child's enjoyment of opening presents), but I actually enjoy this part of the party 2) it doesn't have to be competitive unless you make it that way and as I've said before that's part of life. You should be teaching your child that there will usually be people with more than you and people with less than you and you should be happy with what you have or can afford to give as a gift 3) my response to #2 addresses this concern about making kids jealous. If you don't want other kids playing with the toys than put them up on a counter or table as they open them to the other kids can't get to them. Learn to tell your children no and control them when you don't want them to do something.

I just think the reasons given for not opening presents are somewhat amusing."



Yes, you are right on all points and you must not have ever been to a party with 30 kids.