Opening gifts at party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every bday party I've ever been to and my son (who is now 3) has been to, they have opened presents at. Except one. That was b/c she invited sooooo many people, they party ended and there was no way we had enough time to open them. I think it is kind of rude to have a party where people bring gifts and not open them until later in private. That one party we went to, I got a thank you card a few weeks later thanking me for the wrong gift! I guess the cards got mixed up. Had they opened the gift in front of everyone, that wouldn't have happened. My son helped pick out the gift and I just think it is rude to have the guests pile their gifts in a corner and ignore them. My son's 3rd bday party had 5 or 6 guests so after cake and ice cream, the kids helped him open the gifts and it was fun. He had a chance to thank each child and then they played with the toys for a while. If you have so many guests that you don't have time to open gifts, invite fewer people.

But did your son have fun at the birthday party (of the no-gift-opener)? And did the birthday child enjoy having many of his or her friends there to celebrate? Isn't that the important thing?

[Anonymous]

i've done it both ways. and either way... i really don't think it's that big of a deal as everyone is making it out to be. i don't judge other people for being "tacky" either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If you have so many guests that you don't have time to open gifts, invite fewer people.

It's a matter of priorities and what is important to the party hosts. If they want a large party, they should invite however many they want.

When the kids are 2, 3, 4 yo, it's not like they're gonna gush with enthusiasm that you bought them a gift. They enjoy ripping open the paper and the surprises. At that age, they're gonna throw the gift aside as soon as they see what's in it. Or do you mean you want effusive thanks from the parents? It's a children's bday party filled with children. Let them have their fun without having to sit through opening presents.

[Anonymous]

I've noticed that once the gift opening happens, people leave shortly after. The momentum of the party is gone. Unless it is only a small handful of gifts, I would skip it. When it is time to open gifts, I just want to go home. I don't put that much weight on a babies or toddlers present that my feeling will be hurt if the gift isn't opened or acknowledged. I like one of the pps idea to save the gift opening for the close family and those who really care. Infact, at the next party I host, when the party is coming to a close I will tell the guests we are opening gifts and if they want to hang out and watch, they can, or they can continue mingling or they can head home if they prefer.

[Anonymous]

The answer to this question is really dependent on the age of the kids and the number of guests. I'm personally of the "do not open" gifts at a party camp, but I have young kids. That said, when my 2 year had his birthday party, we only invited 3 of his close friends (with their parents) so we actually did open the gifts and it was fine. I love having small parties, but we've since moved back to the area and we have LOTS of family and friends in the area with similar aged children - all of whom invite us to their birthday party - so we will do the same. As such, we won't be opening gifts. Too chaotic and I don't think my almost 3 year old has enough grace yet to be appreciative. Sad, but true. And no - I don't think there is any way I can magically make my 3 year old son open gifts in a gratious manner. He is just too young.

[Anonymous]

I don't really have a personal view on this, but interestingly enough, I've been to 4000 bday parties and I've literally only seen presents being opened at 4 or 5 parties, if that. The parents I've talked to say that it's easier at night to be able to put a thank you note with each present and name beside it. They also have told me that they feel like it wouldn't be to exciting for the other kids to wait while he or she opened presents.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but WHAT? I would never, ever not open a gift in front of the gift giver at a party. Part of the joy it brings me--and, I'm guessing, others--to give a gift is to watch someone open it, especially a child. We are raising our son to express appreciation for gifts large and small, tangible and intangible. Sometimes he says "thanks" on his own, and sometimes he needs reminding. Whatever! If a child I give a gift to does not seem thrilled by it, I chalk that up to them being a kid and I don't hold it against them. I agree with the poster who says so much of this is people overprotecting their kids and, I would add, freaking overanalyzing everything. To me, an unopened pile of gifts in the corner at the end of a birthday party is hoarding. And tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but WHAT? I would never, ever not open a gift in front of the gift giver at a party. Part of the joy it brings me--and, I'm guessing, others--to give a gift is to watch someone open it, especially a child. We are raising our son to express appreciation for gifts large and small, tangible and intangible. Sometimes he says "thanks" on his own, and sometimes he needs reminding. Whatever! If a child I give a gift to does not seem thrilled by it, I chalk that up to them being a kid and I don't hold it against them. I agree with the poster who says so much of this is people overprotecting their kids and, I would add, freaking overanalyzing everything. To me, an unopened pile of gifts in the corner at the end of a birthday party is hoarding. And tacky.

I think you might be over thinking this also, your just on the other side pretty strongly. It's not that big of a deal either way. Your opinion is quite strong on this side of it but both sides have valid reasons and good intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but WHAT? I would never, ever not open a gift in front of the gift giver at a party. Part of the joy it brings me--and, I'm guessing, others--to give a gift is to watch someone open it, especially a child. We are raising our son to express appreciation for gifts large and small, tangible and intangible. Sometimes he says "thanks" on his own, and sometimes he needs reminding. Whatever! If a child I give a gift to does not seem thrilled by it, I chalk that up to them being a kid and I don't hold it against them. I agree with the poster who says so much of this is people overprotecting their kids and, I would add, freaking overanalyzing everything. To me, an unopened pile of gifts in the corner at the end of a birthday party is hoarding. And tacky.

Perhaps if the child is 8, 9, or 10 yo, gift opening would be a good idea, but for a toddler? It's a party ... to celebrate ... lighten up.

Tacky is when you have your guests fill out their name and address on an envelope that'll include their thank you card. Not opening gifts at a small child's bday party is NOT tacky. Lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but WHAT? I would never, ever not open a gift in front of the gift giver at a party. Part of the joy it brings me--and, I'm guessing, others--to give a gift is to watch someone open it, especially a child. We are raising our son to express appreciation for gifts large and small, tangible and intangible. Sometimes he says "thanks" on his own, and sometimes he needs reminding. Whatever! If a child I give a gift to does not seem thrilled by it, I chalk that up to them being a kid and I don't hold it against them. I agree with the poster who says so much of this is people overprotecting their kids and, I would add, freaking overanalyzing everything. To me, an unopened pile of gifts in the corner at the end of a birthday party is hoarding. And tacky.

Perhaps if the child is 8, 9, or 10 yo, gift opening would be a good idea, but for a toddler? It's a party ... to celebrate ... lighten up.

Tacky is when you have your guests fill out their name and address on an envelope that'll include their thank you card. Not opening gifts at a small child's bday party is NOT tacky. Lighten up.

Breaking it down into age groups, your absolutely right. Could not have said it better myself.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? Really.

Open gifts and use it as a learning op for the kid to say thank you, etc. Or don't open the gift and send a beautiful handwritten thank you note.

Who really cares about this? I've been to both and DC and I had a good time either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is now 5, and we have not opened gifts at any party we have attended in the last couple of years.

For the PP who said that she would create a teaching moment if her DC said something unkind or unappreciative when opening her presents in front of her friends .... that's nice for her, but it still (probably) will hurt the feelings of the giver child if s/he's paying any attention. I've seen it happen, my own son has done it himself, and it's not pretty.

Thus, I think it's best to not take a chance unless/until you KNOW your DC will nail it right every time. Three is too young, IMO

I'm the pp that said these are learning lessons for kids - your child and mine will get their feelings hurt and you will not be able to protect them forever from this. I know that growing up I learned some lessons this way - a kid hurt my feelings and my parents used it as a learning lesson to demonstrate what not to do to someone else because I could see how it hurt my feelings. Also, you can't hide your DC in your house forever until they "nail it everytime" in all areas of manners. They learn by example and by repitition. Otherwise I would never take my 2.5 yo out to dinner or to anyone's house.

For those saying that 2-5 is TOO young, bit 8 and up is okay for opening presents - how will your DC learn to be gracious receivers of gifts? At my DD 2nd Birthday we opened gifts and encouraged her to say thank you and she did enjoy what she received. For gifts she liked she would say on her own "yea - a doll". For gifts she didn't seem that interested in we would say "yea - look it's a whatever". If she slips up when she gets older we will gently remind her to be sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is now 5, and we have not opened gifts at any party we have attended in the last couple of years.

For the PP who said that she would create a teaching moment if her DC said something unkind or unappreciative when opening her presents in front of her friends .... that's nice for her, but it still (probably) will hurt the feelings of the giver child if s/he's paying any attention. I've seen it happen, my own son has done it himself, and it's not pretty.

Thus, I think it's best to not take a chance unless/until you KNOW your DC will nail it right every time. Three is too young, IMO

I'm the pp that said these are learning lessons for kids - your child and mine will get their feelings hurt and you will not be able to protect them forever from this. I know that growing up I learned some lessons this way - a kid hurt my feelings and my parents used it as a learning lesson to demonstrate what not to do to someone else because I could see how it hurt my feelings. Also, you can't hide your DC in your house forever until they "nail it everytime" in all areas of manners. They learn by example and by repitition. Otherwise I would never take my 2.5 yo out to dinner or to anyone's house.

For those saying that 2-5 is TOO young, bit 8 and up is okay for opening presents - how will your DC learn to be gracious receivers of gifts? At my DD 2nd Birthday we opened gifts and encouraged her to say thank you and she did enjoy what she received. For gifts she liked she would say on her own "yea - a doll". For gifts she didn't seem that interested in we would say "yea - look it's a whatever". If she slips up when she gets older we will gently remind her to be sensitive.

Hey PP - I'm the PP that said "who cares". But really, I'm in your camp. This is how we will likely do it at my son's 2 y/o bday party. Don't know how many people yet or how this will work, but in theory, I agree with you. However, we have been to both types of parties and I say who cares because what someone else does in this situation doesn't bother me at all. That being said. if my son were 4 or 5 and we were at a 4 or 5 y/o olds party and they did not open the gift and my son helped to pick out the kid's gift, yes, I would think not opening them was totally rude and I would have a hard time explaining to my son why the other little boy did not open his gift and thank him. (well, I would think of something, like "little johnny thought you were all having such a good time playing he didn't want to interrupt and maybe he wants to open them later when he can really look at it better") but I still think it would be rude.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of the people posting this this insisting that it's just so totally rude not to open each and every present and ooh and ah over each one 1) currently have infants and 2 yr olds, and have never yet "had" to host a 5 yr old's party wherein the entire kindergarten class of 26 kids is invited (because that's what is done in your school, and your child was invited to 24 parties, and your child is old enough to strongly express a preference for having the exact kind of party all her friends had so you "can't" just invite 3 kids).

2) should also post the more militant of these "how rude" postings on the "What Did you Say You Would Never Do" thread.

[Anonymous]

There are many, many other opportunities for kids to learn to be gracious and say thank you, not just for gifts but for everyday kindnesses. My kids say thank you when I give them a cup of milk, and they say thank you when they get a gift. They don't need to be in the middle of a birthday party surrounded by other kids to learn how important it is to say thank you.

As to the allegedly difficult task of explaining to your 4 or 5 yo why the birthday boy or girl didn't open his gift and thank him at the party, I'd say this is a perfect opportunity to explain that gift-giving should be a selfless act -- that one should never give a gift with the expectation of reward or public recognition. That said, I can't imagine a child actually being upset about this. This sounds suspiciously like parental projection.