Opening gifts at party

[Anonymous]

19:15, I wholeheartedly agree with you.

I am always amazed at the discussions on this site about people who won't request "no gifts" (or who won't comply with a "no gifts" request on an invitation) simply because a handful of people will bring a gift anyway. The most polite thing you can ever do is to follow the invitation!

[Anonymous]

I don't do it and think it's not good to do it with small children. Other children will see the toys and want to play with them. At older children's parties, the kids might be jealous or something. Just all 'round a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I don't care who brings a gift or not, I don't keep tally. It up to the person invited to bring what they want or nothing at all. I sooooo appreciate going to toddler parties where the gifts are not opened at the party, it causes fights between the kids and is completely boring. I hope the trend continues as my children get older of not opening gifts at the parties, its a great trend.

For DSs second b-day it was nice to slowly open the gifts and talk about each one and who gave it to him. Its not possible to do this in front of an audience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is not fun for toddlers to open birthday presents at a party. At that age, kids don't share all that well and you end of refereeing. I can't see wanting to open gifts at my kids parties until they are at least 4-5.

I'm the 15:31 poster who voted for opening presents at the party, but honestly, if your children are too small to enjoy opening presents, then I do not believe that presents should be expected (and therefore that "no gifts" should specifically be requested). If a child is too young to enjoy opening them, then his friends are too young to appreciate picking them out and giving them, and I think it's just unnecessary. I'm not talking about a family party or family presents, because (in our family at least) grandparents and aunts and uncles are going to want to give presents no matter what, regardless of what type of party. I'm just talking about invite-the-child's-friends-and-classmates-and-the-neighbors party.

We don't open gifts at the wedding reception ( and there were only 10 of us!) because we want to have fun!

I don't think this is analogous to a child's birthday party, because it is almost never customary to open presents at a wedding reception. In fact, traditionally, the most polite thing to do with a wedding present is to drop it off or send it along ahead of time (or afterward), specifically because it's understood that they will not be opened at the reception, and bringing it there creates more work for the wedding couple of their family, who will have to pack them all up and carry them home.

To each his own, but in our family birthdays are a BIG deal, as I we are latinos. We do huge blow out affairs that involved 40+ guests that are a mix of family, friends, and whomever we pick up along the way. This happens if you are 1 or 100. If people call and ask what my child wants, I normally say don't bother, they have enough already, but people still want to bring a gift, for most people it makes them feel good to give a gift and if that is what they want to do, then it does not bother me.

[Anonymous]

I just had my son's 4th birthday party. I didn't plan to open presents, but ended out doing so due to begging and over-excitement. We opened everything, then unpackaged a few gifts that many kids could play together, and it worked out pretty well actually.

I thought about a no gifts party, but he's among the youngest of his friends, and would have been disappointed if he got presents for all his friends but didn't get anything. Next year I'll encourage all of us to go for no gifts or maybe just books or DVDs. Because xxx knows, we don't need any more trucks, space ships, or dinosaurs. I love books though - you can never have too many.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad to see that the majority of posters are in the no-gift opening camp.

[Anonymous]

We are in the "no gift" camp. Not sure about the gift opening at the party-if you don't open gifts at the party-it almost seems unappreciative. However, it's a hassle and time consuming to open gifts a child's party.

This topic enforces our "no gifts" request!

[Anonymous]

We attend a fair share of bday parties a year and have never been to a single one where children opened their gifts at the party -- thank goodness! I cannot imagine that small children (or their parents) want to sit through that instead of playing together (whatever the party theme/style may be). I would add that this has been the case for both in-home and other location type parties.

[Anonymous]

I tried to do the "no gifts" thing, but people brought gifts anyway. The Gen X guests didn't seem to care if the gifts were opened, but the older folks were honestly upset that I didn't let DC open presents in front of everyone. You can't please everyone, right?

[Anonymous]

I was in the 'open gifts at the party' side. But, it' been interesting to see reasons why people don't want presents opened in front of everyone.

My reasons for doing it are: if someone took the time to get a gift, they deserve to see that it was received and opened. To me, it seemed like common courtesy. Another reason is that I actually thought it was part of the fun of the party. If a gift is opened, other kids get to play with it, too. Another reason is that seeing what other people give gives me ideas.

But, there seem to be some valid reasons for not opening too. So food for thought...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in the 'open gifts at the party' side. But, it' been interesting to see reasons why people don't want presents opened in front of everyone.

My reasons for doing it are: if someone took the time to get a gift, they deserve to see that it was received and opened. To me, it seemed like common courtesy. Another reason is that I actually thought it was part of the fun of the party. If a gift is opened, other kids get to play with it, too. Another reason is that seeing what other people give gives me ideas.

But, there seem to be some valid reasons for not opening too. So food for thought...

I appreciate how open minded you are (sincerely)! But just to follow up on your reasons..guests will know that their gift was received and opened when they receive the thank you note. And you will get to see what other people give your kids when they open them and you write down who/what for the thank you notes! And at least in my experience, the potential conflict over who wants to play with what/the birthday girl or boy not wanting other kids to play with his or her gifts/kids feeling bad because it's clear the recipient didn't really like their gift/kids feeling bad because they feel their gift wasn't big enough, interesting enough, expensive enough...that doesn't result in fun or courtesy...lol.

[Anonymous]

Every bday party I've ever been to and my son (who is now 3) has been to, they have opened presents at. Except one. That was b/c she invited sooooo many people, they party ended and there was no way we had enough time to open them. I think it is kind of rude to have a party where people bring gifts and not open them until later in private. That one party we went to, I got a thank you card a few weeks later thanking me for the wrong gift! I guess the cards got mixed up. Had they opened the gift in front of everyone, that wouldn't have happened. My son helped pick out the gift and I just think it is rude to have the guests pile their gifts in a corner and ignore them. My son's 3rd bday party had 5 or 6 guests so after cake and ice cream, the kids helped him open the gifts and it was fun. He had a chance to thank each child and then they played with the toys for a while. If you have so many guests that you don't have time to open gifts, invite fewer people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We attend a fair share of bday parties a year and have never been to a single one where children opened their gifts at the party -- thank goodness! I cannot imagine that small children (or their parents) want to sit through that instead of playing together (whatever the party theme/style may be). I would add that this has been the case for both in-home and other location type parties.

New poster here, and same here. Have not gone to a birthday party where gifts were opened, and it never occurred to me that this was out of the ordinary. I guess it goes without saying that my 3 yo will not open gifts at his party in the fall.

[Anonymous]

DS is now 5, and we have not opened gifts at any party we have attended in the last couple of years.

For the PP who said that she would create a teaching moment if her DC said something unkind or unappreciative when opening her presents in front of her friends .... that's nice for her, but it still (probably) will hurt the feelings of the giver child if s/he's paying any attention. I've seen it happen, my own son has done it himself, and it's not pretty.

Thus, I think it's best to not take a chance unless/until you KNOW your DC will nail it right every time. Three is too young, IMO

[Anonymous]

That's why we will stick firmly to "no gifts" at our child's early parties, regardless of whether people will abide by the request. There's no reason for a child to receive birthday gifts from random friends if s/he is too young to appreciate it.