Opening gifts at party

[Anonymous]

Some of the recent birthday party postings got me thinking. Do you (or at what age do you) have your kids open their gifts at the party? I have only been to TWO parties where the child opened gifts at the party (one was a 2 year old, one was 4). I sort of followed the predominent trend that I had seen, and haven't had my kids open gifts at their parties. But the oldest is only 3 (soon to be 4). There are a couple of reason that I can see not doing it (take way too long b/c want to play with everything; toss aside less fun gifts; if some people spend more than others, then lower spenders feel bad). But I also feel rude NOT having DC open gifts at the party. What have other people done/seen?

[Anonymous]

I hate sitting through the present opening - whether it is for showers or b-days, I get bored with feigning enthusiasm over baby toys and pots and pans.

We skip it for ours and let him open gifts after the bulk of the crowd leaves. More fun that way and those that chose to stick around for it actually want to see the gift opening.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think it's a little rude not to open the gifts at the party. I don't exactly know why -- maybe because if the presents are opened at the party, it seems fun and celebratory, but if the gifts are dropped at the door and only opened later, they seem like a less-appreciated price of admission? Plus, I just think it's nice for the recipient to thank people personally, and it's nice for the gift-giver to get to watch the present opened.

But, I am also of the small-is-better and gifts-are-mostly-unnecessary camp, so take that for what it's worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think it's a little rude not to open the gifts at the party. I don't exactly know why -- maybe because if the presents are opened at the party, it seems fun and celebratory, but if the gifts are dropped at the door and only opened later, they seem like a less-appreciated price of admission? Plus, I just think it's nice for the recipient to thank people personally, and it's nice for the gift-giver to get to watch the present opened.

But, I am also of the small-is-better and gifts-are-mostly-unnecessary camp, so take that for what it's worth.

This is interesting - I was actually relieved at the trend of not opening gifts at the party. I remember lots of birthday parties growing up where there were lots of hurt feelings. Especially with little kids who don't yet get the smile and thank everyone thing...lol! I recall some "um, I already have 2 of these" or "I don't like this"...And then of course there are "favorite" gifts that they then want to play with right then. Anyway, all of that to say I think it's really nice to open after and send a thank you note. And then if someone gives something small, unpopular or even nothing, it's no big deal.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the no-gift opening camp. First, it's boring. Second, it's time-consuming and emphasizes the least important aspect of the celebration (yet takes 1/2 the party). Third, you can't always control your child's reactions to less desirable gifts.

[Anonymous]

I think if it takes too long to open gifts at the party, you invited too many people. I think if the gifts aren't important enough to you or your child to open there, then you should request no gifts.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the no-gift opening camp...and in the "Please, no gifts" camp as well.

[Anonymous]

I prefer the no-opening of gifts during the party. One reason is you have a bunch of antsy toddlers who don't want to sit thru more than 10 minutes plus it just takes too long.

[Anonymous]

yawn! I like the pps suggestion of waiting until the bulk of the invitees are gone because we do the same! Works great, esp. if the party is swinging and the gift opening will stop the momentum. We don't open gifts at the wedding reception ( and there were only 10 of us!) because we want to have fun! Likewise the gift opening at baby and bridal showers - there are only so many outfits and kitchen stuff to get excited over. And many times, some people hide-out in other rooms chatting while the gifts are opened!

[Anonymous]

I usually let the kids play and or eat while my d's open their presents. We'll yell out " hey emma, leah's going to open your present!" so the child, (who might have spent a long time figuring out what to get, wrapped it and made a card,) will be able to see their contribution to a fun day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think it's a little rude not to open the gifts at the party. I don't exactly know why -- maybe because if the presents are opened at the party, it seems fun and celebratory, but if the gifts are dropped at the door and only opened later, they seem like a less-appreciated price of admission? Plus, I just think it's nice for the recipient to thank people personally, and it's nice for the gift-giver to get to watch the present opened.

But, I am also of the small-is-better and gifts-are-mostly-unnecessary camp, so take that for what it's worth.

It is not fun for toddlers to open birthday presents at a party. At that age, kids don't share all that well and you end of refereeing. I can't see wanting to open gifts at my kids parties until they are at least 4-5.

[Anonymous]

It is not fun for toddlers to open birthday presents at a party. At that age, kids don't share all that well and you end of refereeing. I can't see wanting to open gifts at my kids parties until they are at least 4-5.

I'm the 15:31 poster who voted for opening presents at the party, but honestly, if your children are too small to enjoy opening presents, then I do not believe that presents should be expected (and therefore that "no gifts" should specifically be requested). If a child is too young to enjoy opening them, then his friends are too young to appreciate picking them out and giving them, and I think it's just unnecessary. I'm not talking about a family party or family presents, because (in our family at least) grandparents and aunts and uncles are going to want to give presents no matter what, regardless of what type of party. I'm just talking about invite-the-child's-friends-and-classmates-and-the-neighbors party.

We don't open gifts at the wedding reception ( and there were only 10 of us!) because we want to have fun!

I don't think this is analogous to a child's birthday party, because it is almost never customary to open presents at a wedding reception. In fact, traditionally, the most polite thing to do with a wedding present is to drop it off or send it along ahead of time (or afterward), specifically because it's understood that they will not be opened at the reception, and bringing it there creates more work for the wedding couple of their family, who will have to pack them all up and carry them home.

[Anonymous]

DD is only 2.5, but we opened presents both years and last year she was able to open them and we made comments about how pretty or nice they all were. I think there are lessons to be learned in being the birthday child (how to be gracious and grateful when recieving any gift) and to the gift giver (if the b-day child is not gracious it can be used as a lesson on how not to act because it hurts feelings).

It seems to be a trend of some parents to shield their DC from too many situations because of possible embarressment or hurt feelings. I will take this opportunity to teach my DD (and baby on the way) to be gracious when receiving gifts. She may have comments that are not appropriate about not liking a gift, etc, but we will use this time to explain why her comments are not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

This is OP: I've tried the "no gifts" route twice. Unfortunately, there are always a few people who bring gifts anyway because they don't like to show up empty handed. I've also been the person who didn't bring a gift b/c the invitation said no gifts, but at least half the people brought gifts and I felt like a total cheapskate. Otherwise, I would LOVE to go that route because my kids get totally spoiled by their grandparents (and us) and they really don't need any more toys!

My biggest concern with them opening gifts now that they have opinions and don't really have a filter is the "I don't like this" or tossing the cute little t-shirt aside because it isn't a truck. I distinctly remember my brother as a 3 year old tossing a toy aside saying "this is no fun!" and grabbing for the next gift. My mom was HORRIFIED, especially since she had spent lots of time rehearsing with him "always smile and say thank you"! I know I'm never insulted when gifts aren't opened at the party. But its kind of nice to hear that there are varying opinions on it. I at least don't feel bad holding off another year or two until I can feel a little big better about appropriate reactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP: I've tried the "no gifts" route twice. Unfortunately, there are always a few people who bring gifts anyway because they don't like to show up empty handed. I've also been the person who didn't bring a gift b/c the invitation said no gifts, but at least half the people brought gifts and I felt like a total cheapskate. Otherwise, I would LOVE to go that route because my kids get totally spoiled by their grandparents (and us) and they really don't need any more toys!

My biggest concern with them opening gifts now that they have opinions and don't really have a filter is the "I don't like this" or tossing the cute little t-shirt aside because it isn't a truck. I distinctly remember my brother as a 3 year old tossing a toy aside saying "this is no fun!" and grabbing for the next gift. My mom was HORRIFIED, especially since she had spent lots of time rehearsing with him "always smile and say thank you"! I know I'm never insulted when gifts aren't opened at the party. But its kind of nice to hear that there are varying opinions on it. I at least don't feel bad holding off another year or two until I can feel a little big better about appropriate reactions.

I am the 15:57 poster who firmly believes in either opening gifts there or else requesting no gifts. The one exception I would make to opening gifts at the party is if I requested no gifts and a few people brought them anyway. Then I would NOT open them at the party. I would thank the giver quietly and tuck the gift away -- out of sight -- until later. Open it after the party and send a thank you note. If you open gifts at the party when you have requested no gifts, it makes those who respected your request feel awkward -- because it makes you appear ambivalent about your request. On the other hand, if you attend a party and comply with a no gift request while others bring gifts, I wouldn't feel bad at all. Afterwards, the parents are silently thanking you and cursing those that were rude enough to disregard the request.