2nd baby shower for unwed mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP how is that any different from this story: "low wage" people for DC got pregnant with twins. Now they are facing a very difficult time. If one drops out of the workforce they lose 50% of their already "low" income wages. If one continues to work they will only net 10% of that salary after daycare expenses. Should I or shouldn't I give them a gift?

Notice how I don't mention whether they are married or if they were trying or if the twins were natural or not. But I'm guessing you would say "Of course I'll buy them stuff" based on my story. So how is yours any different?

What if you found out that they were actively trying despite the fact that they knew they couldn't afford one kid? They aren't married? What if I told you their twins were a result of using clomid? (In other words they shot themselves in the foot)

Would you be judgmental or give them less? Do you need to rethink the way you decide who is worthy of your generosity?

Not the OP, but I would absolutely NOT say "of course I'll buy THEM stuff" based only on your story. Context is extremely important.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like an unfortunate situation all around. Getting unintentionally pregnant twice without a proper support system is not very smart but also incredibly difficult. It is tacky that they are doing a shower. However, a new baby is coming, and the new baby didn't ask to be born to a mom without a support system. It's really nice that even in a difficult situation, she and her family have found a way to celebrate the birth of this new child.

It I had the means, I'd give her something, probably a Target/Walmart/grocery store giftcard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you paying her bills? Buying food or diapers for her first? Are you judging that she is having a second one she can't afford or that she is single? Or "unwed" as you put it.

While I don't think having 2 on her own at 21 is the best situation, something about you just rubs me the wrong way.

Well if she's on welfare.........then the answer is yes.

She is on welfare, food stamps, the works. She is currently unemployed, we are not talking about a hard working career woman who decided to start a family on her own. We are talking about a young lady that has thrown caution to the wind, and expects everyone to bail her out when she needs help. I am thinking about the baby, which is why I am sending a gift, I think I made that pretty clear. My problem is the family throwing her a baby shower and expecting people to again supply her with baby items. I feel for her parents because they are supporting her and the children. Another reason I will help. I know she is a difficult person, she is demanding about how and when things are done. I know there was some suspicion that she was using marijuana during her last pregnancy, and she got a visit from CPS in the hospital after the birh. But, no I am not buying her diapers or food, I guess I am judging her, because I know the history and I am worried.

First, she is NO lady. She is trash.

Second, her parents' raised her so to feel sorry for them might be misplaced. She presumably learned about values and morals from them. If they are giving her a baby shower then they pretty trashy too. Putting aside the whole entitlement attitude and "stamp-of-approval" it appears to put on it, family does not throw present-trolling parties for other family members. Looks like the apple did not fall far from the tree afterall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would judge.

I would not go. This is insane. Really feel bad for those kids, of course. It must be tough to start life with such a birdbrain for a mother.

This is how I feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like an unfortunate situation all around. Getting unintentionally pregnant twice without a proper support system is not very smart but also incredibly difficult. It is tacky that they are doing a shower. However, a new baby is coming, and the new baby didn't ask to be born to a mom without a support system. It's really nice that even in a difficult situation, she and her family have found a way to celebrate the birth of this new child. It I had the means, I'd give her something, probably a Target/Walmart/grocery store giftcard.

Why? If they really cared about the child, they'd give it up for adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are judging and the baby shower is not up to you. You are not throwing it for her.

We ALL judge.

You're just too stupid to realize when to draw the line.

I imagine you'd show up with a crib and a year's worth of diapers. and then for baby number three . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like an unfortunate situation all around. Getting unintentionally pregnant twice without a proper support system is not very smart but also incredibly difficult. It is tacky that they are doing a shower. However, a new baby is coming, and the new baby didn't ask to be born to a mom without a support system. It's really nice that even in a difficult situation, she and her family have found a way to celebrate the birth of this new child.

It I had the means, I'd give her something, probably a Target/Walmart/grocery store giftcard.

Thank you PP, that is all there is to it. The new baby is the most important person in this scenario and unfortunately, is also the only person without a voice.

OP, I'd buy some absolute baby necessities and wish them well.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I gather from your posts:

* Only "stupid" women get pregnant by chance -- the birth control of smart Ivy League women always works perfectly.

* Only "slutty" women have babies out of wedlock -- because again, a chaste woman would never get raped, or have an accidental pregnancy, or a man refuse to take responsibility, or any thing happen that's not her fault. Only a bad woman we can blame.

* Adoption is always the perfect solution to any single mother's pregnancy

* A single mother doesn't need items for her baby; she wants them because she is greedy, as opposed to other expecting mothers who really need them.

* There's something distasteful about welcoming the second baby of a single mother, no matter what the circumstances, but we don't even have to ask about the father and how many children he has

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
First, she is NO lady. She is trash.

Second, her parents' raised her so to feel sorry for them might be misplaced. She presumably learned about values and morals from them. If they are giving her a baby shower then they pretty trashy too. Putting aside the whole entitlement attitude and "stamp-of-approval" it appears to put on it, family does not throw present-trolling parties for other family members. Looks like the apple did not fall far from the tree afterall.

she is a human being and a mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what I gather from your posts:

* Only "stupid" women get pregnant by chance -- the birth control of smart Ivy League women always works perfectly.

* Only "slutty" women have babies out of wedlock -- because again, a chaste woman would never get raped, or have an accidental pregnancy, or a man refuse to take responsibility, or any thing happen that's not her fault. Only a bad woman we can blame.

* Adoption is always the perfect solution to any single mother's pregnancy

* A single mother doesn't need items for her baby; she wants them because she is greedy, as opposed to other expecting mothers who really need them.

* There's something distasteful about welcoming the second baby of a single mother, no matter what the circumstances, but we don't even have to ask about the father and how many children he has

None of the posts said or implied anything of this sort. Only people with huge chips on their shoulder about this issue would read that into what has been written here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being married have to do with it? Is it 1950?
She needs stuff for the baby so the shower would be useful....don't you think?

Oh, please, here we go again. The lunatics are out tonight....

PP, you are the lunatic. It isn't 1950 and she's not "unwed", she's single. Okay, SantorumMom?

She's absolutely "unwed" and her kids are "illigit." Just because you don't like those words doesn't mean that they are wrong.

Wow. Just wow. Are you serious? There is no such thing as an "illegitimate" child. A child is a child. What's wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 21 yrs. old and this is her second child. She had the first three years ago with her married boyfriend. I went to that shower because I wanted to help her out. Well, she got rid of all of her baby stuff, crib, high chair, car seat etc. She said she was done having kids. Well, I just got an invite another babyshower for her. I guess she is six months pregnant and again she isn't married to or even dating the father. I called her mom and asked what she needed, and her mom said EVERYTHING!! She even directed me to her registry and said that a car seat was most needed. I don't want to judge, and I will send her a gift, but do you think a baby shower is really appropriate?

i


A 2nd shower for married or unmarried MTB is never appropriate. Apparently, she doesn't understand that unprotected sex makes babies, and, yes, I am judging her. One mistake, ok, but two, never. It is too bad that the social stigma for unwed women has gone because there is something very wrong about having children outside of wedlock. I also don't give a damn how many of you were unmarried and have children.. I wouldn't lift a finger to help any of you, because my tax dollars are already supporting you and your bastards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being married have to do with it? Is it 1950?
She needs stuff for the baby so the shower would be useful....don't you think?

Oh, please, here we go again. The lunatics are out tonight....

PP, you are the lunatic. It isn't 1950 and she's not "unwed", she's single. Okay, SantorumMom?

She's absolutely "unwed" and her kids are "illigit." Just because you don't like those words doesn't mean that they are wrong.

Wow. Just wow. Are you serious? There is no such thing as an "illegitimate" child. A child is a child. What's wrong with you?

(Would you please learn a new line? "Wow. Just wow." is getting a bit trite.)

Yes, I am serious. Of course the children are illegitimate, in the legal sense of the word. Look it up. There is nothing wrong with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the Mom could use the items, I would send a gift. While I'm pro-choice, I realize that some people aren't, so I don't judge others who decide to keep their child instead of aborting.

People who choose to carry a pregnancy instead of aborting can be pro-choice, too. Pro-choice doesn't mean pro-abortion!

No shit, Sherlock.

Um, I agree that it's obvious. But the PP implied that only people who aren't pro-choice keep their children instead of aborting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does being married have to do with it? Is it 1950?
She needs stuff for the baby so the shower would be useful....don't you think?

Oh, please, here we go again. The lunatics are out tonight....

PP, you are the lunatic. It isn't 1950 and she's not "unwed", she's single. Okay, SantorumMom?

She's absolutely "unwed" and her kids are "illigit." Just because you don't like those words doesn't mean that they are wrong.

Wow. Just wow. Are you serious? There is no such thing as an "illegitimate" child. A child is a child. What's wrong with you?

(Would you please learn a new line? "Wow. Just wow." is getting a bit trite.)

Yes, I am serious. Of course the children are illegitimate, in the legal sense of the word. Look it up. There is nothing wrong with me.

How else can I best express disgust and disbelief in you and your antiquated and sexist beliefs? By all means, give me a new line and I will happily use it. (By the way, this is the first time I've used that line, but it's interesting how defensive you got...)