2nd baby shower for unwed mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(Would you please learn a new line? "Wow. Just wow." is getting a bit trite.)

For those who don't know, "Wow." was suggested by Carolyn Hax as a way to express that you just had no words to describe how flabbergasted you were by the other person's comment without being rude. It's become quite popular in on-line interactive media. If you don't like it, I would steer away from some other fora like the Washington Post chats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 2nd shower for married or unmarried MTB is never appropriate. Apparently, she doesn't understand that unprotected sex makes babies, and, yes, I am judging her. One mistake, ok, but two, never. It is too bad that the social stigma for unwed women has gone because there is something very wrong about having children outside of wedlock. I also don't give a damn how many of you were unmarried and have children.. I wouldn't lift a finger to help any of you, because my tax dollars are already supporting you and your bastards.

The rest of this post is utterly atrocious, so I hate to even quote it, but I agree 100% that a second shower is rarely appropriate.

OP, if you're a mother yourself and have gently used items you can -- and are willing to -- pass along, that's gift enough. I wouldn't attend the shower; just drop the items off with the expectant mother when you have the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(Would you please learn a new line? "Wow. Just wow." is getting a bit trite.)

For those who don't know, "Wow." was suggested by Carolyn Hax as a way to express that you just had no words to describe how flabbergasted you were by the other person's comment without being rude. It's become quite popular in on-line interactive media. If you don't like it, I would steer away from some other fora like the Washington Post chats.

I think the point is that the phrase has become really overused. Couldn't agree more. And unfortunately, it makes the writer/ user appear insipid and unoriginal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(Would you please learn a new line? "Wow. Just wow." is getting a bit trite.)

For those who don't know, "Wow." was suggested by Carolyn Hax as a way to express that you just had no words to describe how flabbergasted you were by the other person's comment without being rude. It's become quite popular in on-line interactive media. If you don't like it, I would steer away from some other fora like the Washington Post chats.

I think the point is that the phrase has become really overused. Couldn't agree more. And unfortunately, it makes the writer/ user appear insipid and unoriginal.

It's pretty much the most polite and concise way to say, "Hey, you and your beliefs are a detriment to, and a drain on, a civilized society. I can't believe that you think what you just said has added positively to our discourse. It is your right to hold such repugnant beliefs, but I am surprised that you spoke them aloud. I am embarrassed by you and for you." So if you have a better way to put it, please feel free to share with the class.

[Anonymous]

15:53 here. I should also note that attending the shower and giving gifts in this situation sends the (wrong) message by rewarding the mother's irresponsible behavior. While it may be the case that this isn't the fault of the unborn child and he/she should not be punished, showering such an irresponsible mother will only encourage future bad behavior.

Just out of curiousity, who hosting this shower? That might shed a little light on the situation, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you paying her bills? Buying food or diapers for her first? Are you judging that she is having a second one she can't afford or that she is single? Or "unwed" as you put it.

While I don't think having 2 on her own at 21 is the best situation, something about you just rubs me the wrong way.

Well if she's on welfare.........then the answer is yes.

She is on welfare, food stamps, the works. She is currently unemployed, we are not talking about a hard working career woman who decided to start a family on her own. We are talking about a young lady that has thrown caution to the wind, and expects everyone to bail her out when she needs help. I am thinking about the baby, which is why I am sending a gift, I think I made that pretty clear. My problem is the family throwing her a baby shower and expecting people to again supply her with baby items. I feel for her parents because they are supporting her and the children. Another reason I will help. I know she is a difficult person, she is demanding about how and when things are done. I know there was some suspicion that she was using marijuana during her last pregnancy, and she got a visit from CPS in the hospital after the birh. But, no I am not buying her diapers or food, I guess I am judging her, because I know the history and I am worried.

First, she is NO lady. She is trash.

Second, her parents' raised her so to feel sorry for them might be misplaced. She presumably learned about values and morals from them. If they are giving her a baby shower then they pretty trashy too. Putting aside the whole entitlement attitude and "stamp-of-approval" it appears to put on it, family does not throw present-trolling parties for other family members. Looks like the apple did not fall far from the tree afterall.

Why is she trash? Is it because she had sex before marriage which all of us do or because she got pregnant and decided to keep the baby? Would she be trash if she were educated and older? She may not have the best judgment and foresight but nobody should be called trash. I wouldn't go to the shower but I would give her a giftcard that she can use for diapers, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you paying her bills? Buying food or diapers for her first? Are you judging that she is having a second one she can't afford or that she is single? Or "unwed" as you put it.

While I don't think having 2 on her own at 21 is the best situation, something about you just rubs me the wrong way.

Well if she's on welfare.........then the answer is yes.

She is on welfare, food stamps, the works. She is currently unemployed, we are not talking about a hard working career woman who decided to start a family on her own. We are talking about a young lady that has thrown caution to the wind, and expects everyone to bail her out when she needs help. I am thinking about the baby, which is why I am sending a gift, I think I made that pretty clear. My problem is the family throwing her a baby shower and expecting people to again supply her with baby items. I feel for her parents because they are supporting her and the children. Another reason I will help. I know she is a difficult person, she is demanding about how and when things are done. I know there was some suspicion that she was using marijuana during her last pregnancy, and she got a visit from CPS in the hospital after the birh. But, no I am not buying her diapers or food, I guess I am judging her, because I know the history and I am worried.

First, she is NO lady. She is trash.

Second, her parents' raised her so to feel sorry for them might be misplaced. She presumably learned about values and morals from them. If they are giving her a baby shower then they pretty trashy too. Putting aside the whole entitlement attitude and "stamp-of-approval" it appears to put on it, family does not throw present-trolling parties for other family members. Looks like the apple did not fall far from the tree afterall.

Why is she trash? Is it because she had sex before marriage which all of us do or because she got pregnant and decided to keep the baby? Would she be trash if she were educated and older? She may not have the best judgment and foresight but nobody should be called trash. I wouldn't go to the shower but I would give her a giftcard that she can use for diapers, etc.

Trash is not a nice word, but she is no lady.

Here it is:
Multiple children, different dads, welfare, food stamps, no job, doing nothing but being irresponsible and having unprotected sex/no birth control. I'm sorry I don't see how so many of you have come to her defense. OP, I would not go. She could go to Salvation Army or Goodwill and pick up what she needs.

[Anonymous]

My biggest issue is that "she needs EVERYTHING". She shouldn't. Her first child isn't old enough that she's thrown away the high chair, stroller, etc. that she got at her first shower unless she just wanted "all new". I have more than one DC and DC 2 used many of the things I used for DC 1. If she broke them or got rid of them, she shouldn't be asking people to replace them. If I got her anything it'd be diapers and wipes. Those poor kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(Would you please learn a new line? "Wow. Just wow." is getting a bit trite.)

For those who don't know, "Wow." was suggested by Carolyn Hax as a way to express that you just had no words to describe how flabbergasted you were by the other person's comment without being rude. It's become quite popular in on-line interactive media. If you don't like it, I would steer away from some other fora like the Washington Post chats.

I think the point is that the phrase has become really overused. Couldn't agree more. And unfortunately, it makes the writer/ user appear insipid and unoriginal.

It's pretty much the most polite and concise way to say, "Hey, you and your beliefs are a detriment to, and a drain on, a civilized society. I can't believe that you think what you just said has added positively to our discourse. It is your right to hold such repugnant beliefs, but I am surprised that you spoke them aloud. I am embarrassed by you and for you." So if you have a better way to put it, please feel free to share with the class.

You're so judgmental.... I mean, who are you to decide which beliefs are a positive contribution to civilized society?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(Would you please learn a new line? "Wow. Just wow." is getting a bit trite.)

For those who don't know, "Wow." was suggested by Carolyn Hax as a way to express that you just had no words to describe how flabbergasted you were by the other person's comment without being rude. It's become quite popular in on-line interactive media. If you don't like it, I would steer away from some other fora like the Washington Post chats.

I think the point is that the phrase has become really overused. Couldn't agree more. And unfortunately, it makes the writer/ user appear insipid and unoriginal.

It's pretty much the most polite and concise way to say, "Hey, you and your beliefs are a detriment to, and a drain on, a civilized society. I can't believe that you think what you just said has added positively to our discourse. It is your right to hold such repugnant beliefs, but I am surprised that you spoke them aloud. I am embarrassed by you and for you." So if you have a better way to put it, please feel free to share with the class.

You're so judgmental.... I mean, who are you to decide which beliefs are a positive contribution to civilized society?

If calling her (you?) out for referring to children as "illegitimate" (what's next, "bastards"?) makes me judgemental, then I really don't mind being judgemental. I'm pretty damn sure that referring to children as illegitimate does not contributed to a civilized society. Do you disagree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

First, she is NO lady. She is trash.

Trash is not a nice word, but she is no lady.

Here it is:
Multiple children, different dads, welfare, food stamps, no job, doing nothing but being irresponsible and having unprotected sex/no birth control. I'm sorry I don't see how so many of you have come to her defense. OP, I would not go. She could go to Salvation Army or Goodwill and pick up what she needs.

Well, it takes 2 to tango. Some man knew all this and decided to use her anyway. I know how hard it is and how easy it is to fall in love. Love is blind after all.

I bet a lot of the people on this forum have never fallen in love.
If there is any good news, it is that dcum folks are not invited. That being said it is in some ways weird that the OP chose to post this and start this thread.

So now a 2nd pregnancy means multiple children. Different dads means bad woman, (not bad man), being without a job when pregnant is not uncommon. Food stamps are very difficult to qualify for, but does not make the person bad.
I still do not see a reason to stone this woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

First, she is NO lady. She is trash.

Trash is not a nice word, but she is no lady.

Here it is:
Multiple children, different dads, welfare, food stamps, no job, doing nothing but being irresponsible and having unprotected sex/no birth control. I'm sorry I don't see how so many of you have come to her defense. OP, I would not go. She could go to Salvation Army or Goodwill and pick up what she needs.

Well, it takes 2 to tango. Some man knew all this and decided to use her anyway. I know how hard it is and how easy it is to fall in love. Love is blind after all.

I bet a lot of the people on this forum have never fallen in love.
If there is any good news, it is that dcum folks are not invited. That being said it is in some ways weird that the OP chose to post this and start this thread.

So now a 2nd pregnancy means multiple children. Different dads means bad woman, (not bad man), being without a job when pregnant is not uncommon. Food stamps are very difficult to qualify for, but does not make the person bad.


What about the using of drugs during her pregnancy? Did you even read that? Are you going to defend that?
I still do not see a reason to stone this woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is 21 yrs. old and this is her second child. She had the first three years ago with her married boyfriend. I went to that shower because I wanted to help her out. Well, she got rid of all of her baby stuff, crib, high chair, car seat etc. She said she was done having kids. Well, I just got an invite another babyshower for her. I guess she is six months pregnant and again she isn't married to or even dating the father. I called her mom and asked what she needed, and her mom said EVERYTHING!! She even directed me to her registry and said that a car seat was most needed. I don't want to judge, and I will send her a gift, but do you think a baby shower is really appropriate?

i


A 2nd shower for married or unmarried MTB is never appropriate. Apparently, she doesn't understand that unprotected sex makes babies, and, yes, I am judging her. One mistake, ok, but two, never. It is too bad that the social stigma for unwed women has gone because there is something very wrong about having children outside of wedlock. I also don't give a damn how many of you were unmarried and have children.. I wouldn't lift a finger to help any of you, because my tax dollars are already supporting you and your bastards.

You are a judgemental and bigoted ass.

(Is that better than "Wow"?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the Mom could use the items, I would send a gift. While I'm pro-choice, I realize that some people aren't, so I don't judge others who decide to keep their child instead of aborting.

People who choose to carry a pregnancy instead of aborting can be pro-choice, too. Pro-choice doesn't mean pro-abortion!

No shit, Sherlock.

Um, I agree that it's obvious. But the PP implied that only people who aren't pro-choice keep their children instead of aborting.

No, the previous pp didn't (I'm the previous pp). No need to tax your psychic abilities. I meant what I wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:53 here. I should also note that attending the shower and giving gifts in this situation sends the (wrong) message by rewarding the mother's irresponsible behavior. While it may be the case that this isn't the fault of the unborn child and he/she should not be punished, showering such an irresponsible mother will only encourage future bad behavior.

Just out of curiousity, who hosting this shower? That might shed a little light on the situation, too.

Why should the young mother be punished? What about older Moms who have special needs children? Should they receive looks of scorn because they took a risk having a child later in life?