Would you leave your wife if....

[Anonymous]

"As I write this, I do find myself wondering why I stay in this marriage. I do love my kids, and I pretty much still love her. Our life -- aside from sex -- is pretty good. This is the kicker: based on conversations with my male friends, and some of the posts here, I don't think my sex life after years of marriage is all that unique. Which is sad, but there it is. "

Yikes! Talk about a life of quiet desperation! You are setting a poor example for your kids.

Do you intend to stay with this woman for the rest of your life and support her for the rest of your life?

What would you advise your kids in the same situation?

[Anonymous]

You are assuming she doesn't contribute financially, which is not a safe assumption.

Other than that, what's to tell? About half of marriages end in divorce. Of those that last, many involve little sex. Part of that has to do with incompatible sex drive. But part of it has to do with gender differences in approaching life, and especially in processing anger. A lot of women hoard anger and resentment, and manifest that in withholding sex, or maybe letting that stuff accumulate so that they lose interest in sex. I'm sure some men do this, but it seems to be much more common with women. Flame away, but that's where the data lead me.

I don't expect to have this conversation with my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is interesting because it appears to have viewpoints from both sides of the relationship...

There is a long thread on "Would you leave your husband if... ". Why don't we see what people say about the other situation... "Would you leave your wife if...." or from the other perspective... "I would expect my husband to leave if..."

I am married with 2 younger kids that I love very much. They are very special to me. I help get them ready in the morning for school and get them ready for bed at night.

As a dad, if I was to leave... My wife is a SAHM and I would not get custody... So both my kids and I would loose our daily routine and a lot dad time.

It would take a lot in order for me to give that up.

What about everyone else?

Maybe not. I knew someone who was divorced (spouse got primary custody) but got up early every school day, drove across town to get the kids up and do the morning routine including breakfast and school drop off. You could do that and the night time routine if you really wanted to.

Interesting to read your post. My husband and I had a good friend who did this same thing almost 30 years ago. He really tried to stay connected as more than a "weekend dad" and maintained strong, loving relationships with his two boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dads in sexless marriages - find a mom in a sexless marriage.

+1

[Anonymous]

"Agree with you, you sound frustrated beyond belief. This is how many men feel everyday - 24/7. Welcome to the club. "

Why do you put up with shit?

[Anonymous]

"I don't expect to have this conversation with my children."

Do you expect your poor example to have no consequences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Agree with you, you sound frustrated beyond belief. This is how many men feel everyday - 24/7. Welcome to the club. "

Why do you put up with shit?

I am not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I don't expect to have this conversation with my children."

Do you expect your poor example to have no consequences?

Well isn't that glib? I mean, it's just obvious that if I break up our home, put the kids through divorce proceedings unlikely to be amicable, and tell them that I'm doing it because my sex life with their mother is mediocre, they will grow up happier and better adjusted, and have better lives, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dads in sexless marriages - find a mom in a sexless marriage.

+1

Who has time for that?

[Anonymous]

Logistics, logistics, logistics...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if there is no illness and DW just is witholding sex and DH gave up?

We're not to that point, but I have friends who are. Usually it's the DW who has just unilaterally decided that sex isn't important anymore, and so can be discarded from their life. Of course, as unimportant as it is, it's still important enough that their partner must be denied getting it elsewhere. That's why I suspect it has a lot to do with control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP you're pretty nasty and clearly don't get it. DH does and sounds like an amazing guy for all of the reasons. I hope DW reads his post b/c if she did she'd be reminded how wonderful he is and see (probably for the first time) how much he's hurting on so many different levels. There's nothing wrong with anything he's saying, and if I were his DW, after reading it, we would have a long talk about what we could do to make things better. At least it would be a start. My heart goes out.

I was not referring to the monk, just posting another question that does not include an illness. Do not assume.

Sorry. This was actually posted for prior PP. Your post snuck in as I was posting.

[Anonymous]

Wow. My DH loves our DC but if our marriage were like the rest of yours, I know for a fact he'd be gone. This sounds like misery.

[Anonymous]

Pink Floyd cast the net too narrowly with "quiet desperation is the English way."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. My DH loves our DC but if our marriage were like the rest of yours, I know for a fact he'd be gone. This sounds like misery.

Ditto. 8)