Pet Peeve: measuring self-worth by busyness

[Anonymous]

"Like". Good post, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP basically you have made nothing of yourself in life and as a result, have lots of free time on your hands. Congratulations.

I think you are typical of exactly the kind of problem OP was talking about. She's structured her life in a way that makes sense to her such that she doesn't have to run around fruitlessly. She is indeed owed congratulations!

The irony of someone who doesn't have a paid job saying she's not crazy busy. Of course not. Duh. Try adding a 50 hour a week work and commute commitment and add even one volunteer commitment on top of raising kids and maintaining a marriage, and get back to me.

Yep, as a PP said, your choices. I would rather have slightly less material wealth than work a 50 hour week with a commute. I'm perfectly happy with my 35-40 hours (picked an employer who doesn't watch my clock, is happy to see me leave when the work is done). Also, there are plenty of people with the same essential responsibilities as me who ARE putting in 50+ hour weeks. That's straight up time management and job suitability. I won't go chasing a new job that I can't perform efficiently, and I won't bitch about how "busy" I am. Have the overwhelmed PPs considered taking a voluntary demotion to a job they can handle in a reasonable amount of time? I know a few people who have done that, and are much happier.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It makes my heart happy to read these responses! I am so glad to know that there are lots of people out there who get it. Yay!

I'm not going to waste my time responding to the haters. I actually thought there would be a lot more "you're a fat useless slob!" posts. lol!

I should clarify that I'm not trying to criticize people who are busy because they have no choice. Or the people who just don't like to sit still so they spend their time on projects - I would consider time spent on hobbies/interests as making good use of spare time anyway. My only problem is with people who assume you are useless and unproductive if you happen to have some down time! Or that they are super important because they are crazy busy. I'm not trying to say that I'm super clever for not being crazy busy as a SAHM. In fact, the people I get most annoyed with are the other SAHMs who talk about being so crazy busy, such as the blogger mom I talked about in my original post. I don't understand people who choose to stay home with their kids instead of drawing a paycheck, but then they end up neglecting their kids and marriage because they are more concerned with making sure the brownies at the school bake sale are individually wrapped! lol!

As for learning to say no, specifically when it comes to helping at school...I have learned the power of the phrase "if needed." I used to volunteer to help with everything at school because I was afraid there wouldn't be enough help. I've learned to commit to the things I LOVE at school, such as coaching Girls on the Run, being a Girl Scout leader, room mother, tutor, and pretty much anything where I get to work with kids. For the other stuff that I don't enjoy, such as making copies for the teachers and planning fundraisers, I tell them to call me if needed. They've never had to call. There are lots of people who don't feel comfortable working with the kids but love the PTA stuff and even making copies - yes, those people exist. I've seen them in the copy room. They get really into it, and I'm so glad that they do!

I believe that it takes all kinds to make the world go round and if we all just live the life we love and focus on our passions, it will all get done and we will all be so much happier!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are not gifted in the time-management department, despite our best efforts. We are humbly aware of it, and live a simple life because anything else would make us insane:

- One social commitment per weekend
- one playdate a week per child
- one class a week per child (besides school)
- soon to add one sport per parent on the WE.

Often there is more, and when extra activities are scheduled with people we love, it makes us happy - but frazzled.

It sounds like you are better time-managers than you realize!

[Anonymous]

I agree it shouldn't be a badge of honor, but sometimes I do better when I'm busy. I grew up in a family where laziness was loathed (with good reason - lots of unemployed relatives living off a few relatives who worked hard and made something of themselves) and I tend to be less organized when I don't have a lot going on, and less efficient. I think I have better time management skills when I'm busy, in other words.

[Anonymous]

I always thought it was cultural/regional. I can not stand the slow movers here, but I learn to laugh at it.

I agree with PPs, I was raised to make the most of my day and embrace life such that it could end tomorrow; being busy is permissible, and preferred to being sloth like. I definitely would not be where I am today if I embraced "my lazy side" and did not multitask. As long as people understand that, and don't envy/covet what others have, then fine, do your thing. Unfortunately, there is too much of the latter around here.

I find when I have less energy, and less gets done around here, my surroundings are not peaceful. Things pile up, literally and figuratively. I find in our house, it is not good for our family because I am the only one that organizes certain important things. And if we all checked out like my husband, we'd all be in trouble! He has depression in his family, so it is an issue. I guess someone has to be motivated around here.

My husband and his family are the slowest movers out there. Its funny!

[Anonymous]

People who talk about how "crazy busy" they are bug me a lot. In fact, the phrase "crazy busy" bugs me. I am the type of person who has never been into being busy. I like to keep things simple, and feel that being rested and relaxed is more important to me than being productive. I embrace my lazy side and despise multitasking. I am type B and laid back, I go with the flow and embrace sponteneity. Multitasking to me feels crazy busy and so I never do it. I do one thing at a time, until I complete the task. I love to have days with lots of free time, that's what makes me feel the happiest. Busy days make me feel ornery. I love to leisurely read a book, or just sit on the sofa for an hour or two and just look out the window. I love quiet and orderliness. If I feel tired, I take a nap, and never feel like I should be doing something productive instead.

I am never running late, always on time or a bit early. My schedule is usually wide open--I do love to get together with friends, and try to schedule as many social outings as possible, but social events or other fun things always take priority over any kind of chores/errands. I'm the type of person who will always put off a chore/errand to do something fun.

I am different at work than I am at home, though I am in a career that suits my preference for a slow pace versus a chaotic, busy pace at work. I specifically looked for a field that would suit my preference to be as un-busy as possible.

DH is very similar to me in that he's also Type B, and also puts a lot of priority on being rested and relaxed. But he's a lot more disciplined than I am, he can make himself do things that he doesn't want to do rather than give in to his lazy side and choose to have fun over doing the chore/errand.

[Anonymous]

21:20, you sound so much like me! I never feel guilty about taking a nap, I'm always on time, and I always have time for friends (mine or kids').

May I ask, what is your un-busy field? I'm job hunting, and pretty much every job ad that might otherwise fit me mentions a "fast paced" environment. (Though this might just be part of the self-aggrandizing we see so much of in DC.)

[Anonymous]

self worth = busyness?

what an absurd, ridiculous, self absorbed concept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who talk about how "crazy busy" they are bug me a lot. In fact, the phrase "crazy busy" bugs me. I am the type of person who has never been into being busy. I like to keep things simple, and feel that being rested and relaxed is more important to me than being productive. I embrace my lazy side and despise multitasking. I am type B and laid back, I go with the flow and embrace sponteneity. Multitasking to me feels crazy busy and so I never do it. I do one thing at a time, until I complete the task. I love to have days with lots of free time, that's what makes me feel the happiest. Busy days make me feel ornery. I love to leisurely read a book, or just sit on the sofa for an hour or two and just look out the window. I love quiet and orderliness. If I feel tired, I take a nap, and never feel like I should be doing something productive instead.

I am never running late, always on time or a bit early. My schedule is usually wide open--I do love to get together with friends, and try to schedule as many social outings as possible, but social events or other fun things always take priority over any kind of chores/errands. I'm the type of person who will always put off a chore/errand to do something fun.

I am different at work than I am at home, though I am in a career that suits my preference for a slow pace versus a chaotic, busy pace at work. I specifically looked for a field that would suit my preference to be as un-busy as possible.

DH is very similar to me in that he's also Type B, and also puts a lot of priority on being rested and relaxed. But he's a lot more disciplined than I am, he can make himself do things that he doesn't want to do rather than give in to his lazy side and choose to have fun over doing the chore/errand.

21:20, I like you. I feel the same way. I'm a teacher so I'm often feel like I need to be more Type A in order to get things done. But when I try that-- try to multitask and run around like a chicken with its head cut off-- things fall apart and I revert back to my Type B ways. I do work long hours and steadily during the week, so I can have the weekends. I'm also an introvert and must have my time alone or else I get cranky and snappish.

[Anonymous]

Oops... should be "I often feel like..." not "I'm." Sorry. Don't want the Type A grammar sticklers to get me. I'm one too (although not an A).

[Anonymous]

21:20 here (aka the person who is always un-busy). Re: work, in the past I have had jobs that were fast-paced, and I was miserable. I hated having lots of projects and deadlines all at once, I hated being in lots of meetings and having a lot of chaos in the office, and procrastinated a lot in order to carve out some space from the busyness. I am the kind of person who prefers to work alone rather than in a team.

The kind of job where I do best is one where I work alone most of the time, where there is little chaos and stress, and the workplace is tranquil. Slow-paced is definitely my preferred kind of job. I am the kind of person who can sit still easily, and hates to be on the go or running around. So I did some research and realized that being a clinical psychologist would be a great fit for me. I only work with one client at a time, and I set my own pace for the most part. I work alone, which I really enjoy. I have time to sit and contemplate. Perfect career for someone who prefers a slow pace. For those who like a slow pace too, consider a career in the health care field where you're only working with one client at a time, and not project-based work which can be hectic.

[Anonymous]

"Yep, as a PP said, your choices. I would rather have slightly less material wealth than work a 50 hour week with a commute. I'm perfectly happy with my 35-40 hours (picked an employer who doesn't watch my clock, is happy to see me leave when the work is done). Also, there are plenty of people with the same essential responsibilities as me who ARE putting in 50+ hour weeks. That's straight up time management and job suitability. I won't go chasing a new job that I can't perform efficiently, and I won't bitch about how "busy" I am. Have the overwhelmed PPs considered taking a voluntary demotion to a job they can handle in a reasonable amount of time? I know a few people who have done that, and are much happier. "

It wouldn't be "slightly less" material wealth - I make half of our income. 50 hours a week IS reasonable for both a full time job and a commute. I wasn't bitching about it. I used to work 60 to 80 hours a week, not including commute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who talk about how "crazy busy" they are bug me a lot. In fact, the phrase "crazy busy" bugs me. I am the type of person who has never been into being busy. I like to keep things simple, and feel that being rested and relaxed is more important to me than being productive. I embrace my lazy side and despise multitasking. I am type B and laid back, I go with the flow and embrace sponteneity. Multitasking to me feels crazy busy and so I never do it. I do one thing at a time, until I complete the task. I love to have days with lots of free time, that's what makes me feel the happiest. Busy days make me feel ornery. I love to leisurely read a book, or just sit on the sofa for an hour or two and just look out the window. I love quiet and orderliness. If I feel tired, I take a nap, and never feel like I should be doing something productive instead.

I am never running late, always on time or a bit early. My schedule is usually wide open--I do love to get together with friends, and try to schedule as many social outings as possible, but social events or other fun things always take priority over any kind of chores/errands. I'm the type of person who will always put off a chore/errand to do something fun.

I am different at work than I am at home, though I am in a career that suits my preference for a slow pace versus a chaotic, busy pace at work. I specifically looked for a field that would suit my preference to be as un-busy as possible.

DH is very similar to me in that he's also Type B, and also puts a lot of priority on being rested and relaxed. But he's a lot more disciplined than I am, he can make himself do things that he doesn't want to do rather than give in to his lazy side and choose to have fun over doing the chore/errand.

I can't believe you have children.

[Anonymous]

Funny, my pastor preached about the need for Sabbath/rest this Sunday and made just the same comment about people measuring themselves by how busy they are. I once was that "crazy busy" person and have slowed down a lot in the last few years. I'm a lot better parent when I set the to-do list down for awhile and rest/play/relax. But for someone who grows up "driven" it's not easy to make the shift. I see the same tendencies in my teen DD, who doesn't know what to do with herself if she finishes her homework before bedtime.