Pet Peeve: measuring self-worth by busyness

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02/05/2012 04:49

Subject: Pet Peeve: measuring self-worth by busyness

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Anonymous

I hated the book Eat pray Love. I know most people loved it, but I just kept thinking "get over yourself." BUT, one thing I read in that book really struck a chord with me. When she was in Europe, she talked about the American lifestyle. How people measure their own worth (and the worthiness of others) by how busy and hurried their lifestyle is. Other cultures (such as Europe) tend to laugh at us for making this our goal in life - to fill our days with so many little tasks that we are constantly on the go. Is it really a crime to stop and smell the roses? Not just every now and then...but often? How often do we put each other down by saying things like "what do you do all day?" or "you must have a lot of spare time on your hands." As if that's a bad thing! I was thinking about this tonight when talking to DH's friend. He proudly proclaimed that they are just too busy to watch very much TV anymore. "We never even get a chance to sit down on weekends or in the evenings!" His wife is a stay at home mom (as am I) and they have 1 child. It would be different if they never get to sit down because they are out enjoying life, but that's not what he was talking about. He was talking about busywork and time fillers. Im not saying it's a bad thing that they don't watch a lot of tv, and I realize that I don't know exactly how much of their hurriedness (is that a word?) is by choice. He's just the latest example - I hear this stuff all the time.

i was also reading a blog tonight that a fellow SAHM wrote. It was something like "Top 10 things not to say to SAHMs." then she went on to defend herself on all 10 items. She boasted about the fact that she rarely gets a chance to sit down at all during the day. Really? I've been a SAHM for almost 11 years. Very early on, I learned some strategies for carving out a little time to decompress almost every day. If I hadn't, they would have locked me up years ago! I often spend a good part of my afternoon playing board games or the Wii with my son and going on hikes around the neighborhood or to the park. Being able to stay home with my kids is a gift. I'm not gonna blow it by filling my days with menial tasks when it's not necessary. I read that lady's blog and just thought "geesh! get it together lady!" BTW, she has 2 kids, ages 9 and 2. Hmm. the 9yo is in school all day. You would think she could figure out how to sit down at some point while having a 2yo in the house.

Does it occur to anyone that they might lack time management skills?

I'm a SAHM of 3 kids. youngest in 1/2 day K. I have goals, I continue to make accomplishments, and I would say I'm a very productive person and do lots of volunteer work. Having said that, I am proud to say that I do have some spare time! Many of our weekends are slow. We try to minimize our kids activities, and our weekends are focused on fun, rest and relaxation. Don't get me wrong - we aren't a lazy family by any means. We don't just sit around staring at each other or watching tv. We like to go on family bike rides, hang out with friends, go to sporting events, go kayaking, camping, playing in the yard, etc. But every now and then, we will spend an entire saturday in our PJs!

I just wish that, when people are measuring their level of success, they would factor in their prioritizing and time management skills. I know that many people have no choice but to run themselves ragged. I'm not talking about those people. I'm talking about those of us who do have a choice. Life is short. Relax, people! It's not a race!