Pet Peeve: measuring self-worth by busyness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. And I HATED eat pray love. So self righteous and annoying.

I have heard people say this before but I would love a more detailed explanation. Without one, it just seems to me it is so easy to throw stones at something is "popular."

She gave you one. She said it was self-righteous and annoying.

[Anonymous]

I have come to believe that I have extraordinary time management skills. It's the only explanation for why I get everything done, and am usually pretty chill and relaxed, while others around me stress and race and "don't have time" for leisure or fun. This is true in my professional sphere, at home, and with regard to my kids.

I get very, very annoyed with the "crazy busy" people. Don't they ever look up and realize, life doesn't have to be "crazy busy"? Why do they assume I'm the one doing something wrong? I know that each and every time I post here about how I do not feel the stress, someone comes on and says condescendingly "You must only have one child", or "how much help can you afford to hire"?

Each time I see one of these "how do you get it all done???" posts, I'm tempted to inform the poster that somewhere, somehow, she is spinning her wheels and not making the most of her time. But I don't. Because I'm in such a small minority that all the rest of the "crazy busy" people would jump on me and reinforce this notion that there aren't enough hours in the day. People don't seem to want to hear that there are ways around their stress. They just want to be reassured that yes indeed, they are heroes for shouldering such a load, it IS very difficult, they MUST be very important to be so busy, blah blah. I don't have much patience with it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have come to believe that I have extraordinary time management skills. It's the only explanation for why I get everything done, and am usually pretty chill and relaxed, while others around me stress and race and "don't have time" for leisure or fun. This is true in my professional sphere, at home, and with regard to my kids.

I get very, very annoyed with the "crazy busy" people. Don't they ever look up and realize, life doesn't have to be "crazy busy"? Why do they assume I'm the one doing something wrong? I know that each and every time I post here about how I do not feel the stress, someone comes on and says condescendingly "You must only have one child", or "how much help can you afford to hire"?

Each time I see one of these "how do you get it all done???" posts, I'm tempted to inform the poster that somewhere, somehow, she is spinning her wheels and not making the most of her time. But I don't. Because I'm in such a small minority that all the rest of the "crazy busy" people would jump on me and reinforce this notion that there aren't enough hours in the day. People don't seem to want to hear that there are ways around their stress. They just want to be reassured that yes indeed, they are heroes for shouldering such a load, it IS very difficult, they MUST be very important to be so busy, blah blah. I don't have much patience with it all.

This. Time, people and overall life management are good skills to have. It helps make life manageable and happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think part of the issue is the choice NOT to say No. And yes, it is often a choice. As an example, when someone from the PTA asks you to work on yet another project or a fundraiser, you have the choice to say No. But many choose to say Yes.

Great post, OP!

True...but if I frequently say no, then it's more work for those that do say yes, and/or the kids can't do X or don't have Y & Z school supplies. And I have also been that mom doing tons of work because most others said no. I do see you point, though. I guess it's about balance.

If more people said NO then the PTA , booster clubs and the like would stop making so many ridiculous demands on families. I remember the first school bake sale I was asked to contribute for. I made a plate of brownies and brought them on the plate. The other mothers looked horrified because I hadn't individually wrapped and labeled them for sale! I thought then and there -- oh no, what have we all signed on for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. And I HATED eat pray love. So self righteous and annoying.

I have heard people say this before but I would love a more detailed explanation. Without one, it just seems to me it is so easy to throw stones at something is "popular." [/quote

Honestly, I would have enjoyed the book if it had been "So, I was fortunately enough to be paid in advance to travel the world and then write about it! Here's my story!" It was more like "I sense that I'm much more important than most people. I owe it to everyone to get out there and figure out what exactly it is that the entire world needs from me!the fate of the human race depends on it!" I'm paraphrasing, sort of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come to believe that I have extraordinary time management skills. It's the only explanation for why I get everything done, and am usually pretty chill and relaxed, while others around me stress and race and "don't have time" for leisure or fun. This is true in my professional sphere, at home, and with regard to my kids.

I get very, very annoyed with the "crazy busy" people. Don't they ever look up and realize, life doesn't have to be "crazy busy"? Why do they assume I'm the one doing something wrong? I know that each and every time I post here about how I do not feel the stress, someone comes on and says condescendingly "You must only have one child", or "how much help can you afford to hire"?

Each time I see one of these "how do you get it all done???" posts, I'm tempted to inform the poster that somewhere, somehow, she is spinning her wheels and not making the most of her time. But I don't. Because I'm in such a small minority that all the rest of the "crazy busy" people would jump on me and reinforce this notion that there aren't enough hours in the day. People don't seem to want to hear that there are ways around their stress. They just want to be reassured that yes indeed, they are heroes for shouldering such a load, it IS very difficult, they MUST be very important to be so busy, blah blah. I don't have much patience with it all.

This. Time, people and overall life management are good skills to have. It helps make life manageable and happier.

One more who thinks I might just be more efficient than most. I often spend extended time with a great group of friends, and I am consistently amazed at how inefficient (though fabulous people!) they are. And they all live the crazy-busy lifestyle. One friend works about 18 hours a day, and clearly feels this is a direct reflection on how important she is professionally. Much as I love her as a friend, it seems clear to me its a reflection largely of how inefficient she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come to believe that I have extraordinary time management skills. It's the only explanation for why I get everything done, and am usually pretty chill and relaxed, while others around me stress and race and "don't have time" for leisure or fun. This is true in my professional sphere, at home, and with regard to my kids.

I get very, very annoyed with the "crazy busy" people. Don't they ever look up and realize, life doesn't have to be "crazy busy"? Why do they assume I'm the one doing something wrong? I know that each and every time I post here about how I do not feel the stress, someone comes on and says condescendingly "You must only have one child", or "how much help can you afford to hire"?

Each time I see one of these "how do you get it all done???" posts, I'm tempted to inform the poster that somewhere, somehow, she is spinning her wheels and not making the most of her time. But I don't. Because I'm in such a small minority that all the rest of the "crazy busy" people would jump on me and reinforce this notion that there aren't enough hours in the day. People don't seem to want to hear that there are ways around their stress. They just want to be reassured that yes indeed, they are heroes for shouldering such a load, it IS very difficult, they MUST be very important to be so busy, blah blah. I don't have much patience with it all.

This. Time, people and overall life management are good skills to have. It helps make life manageable and happier.

One more who thinks I might just be more efficient than most. I often spend extended time with a great group of friends, and I am consistently amazed at how inefficient (though fabulous people!) they are. And they all live the crazy-busy lifestyle. One friend works about 18 hours a day, and clearly feels this is a direct reflection on how important she is professionally. Much as I love her as a friend, it seems clear to me its a reflection largely of how inefficient she is.

But you don't sound modest or humble. Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

OP basically you have made nothing of yourself in life and as a result, have lots of free time on your hands. Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

I am a "crazy busy" person and I agree with much of what OP and some of the other PPs have said. It CAN be tough to get it all done when you are juggling a very demanding job that will take every second you give it (the joke around our office is "the reward for good work is more work"), two kids who need a lot, and stuff around the house. I have a lot of help but also have a DH with even worse hours who travels constantly. I won't be able to solve everything by simple time management steps, but I have realized that some of this is self-inflicted. My New Year's resolution was to learn to say no to things I didn't really, really want to do. I've turned dow a few things now and am wrapping up things I committed to last year, and it feels great. People always say to me, "How do you do it all?" and how they admire me and blah blah blah. I don't want to be admired. I want to be SANE. I look forward to achieving more of the non-crazy bliss the PPs have mentioned, and I do think they and the OP are right on this.

[Anonymous]

I miss Europe. Where a 2-3 hour dinner was the norm and it's ok to let your kids run around while you eat.

Here I feel like my check comes while I'm still chewing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One more who thinks I might just be more efficient than most. I often spend extended time with a great group of friends, and I am consistently amazed at how inefficient (though fabulous people!) they are. And they all live the crazy-busy lifestyle. One friend works about 18 hours a day, and clearly feels this is a direct reflection on how important she is professionally. Much as I love her as a friend, it seems clear to me its a reflection largely of how inefficient she is.

But you don't sound modest or humble. Just sayin'.

Why should she try to sound modest? To make you feel better about your lack of time management skills? People all around us are trying to plump themselves up with constant recitations of their busy-ness, but we're not allowed to say "here's something I'M good at"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss Europe. Where a 2-3 hour dinner was the norm and it's ok to let your kids run around while you eat.

Here I feel like my check comes while I'm still chewing.

Don't some countries also close up for a couple hours for afternoon Siesta? That would all be nice if we did it here.

[Anonymous]

I enjoyed OP's post.

I have to say, don't complain about not having enough time if you overcommit yourself. It's not my job to feel bad for you once you take on your own responsibilities - they are YOUR responsibilities, not mine. We all make choices. Few around here seem to understand that - they are all about shirking responsibility and taking unwarranted credit. So obvious! Why do moms resent other moms here that are good moms - good with time and good with their children? All you need to do is work on yourself. Why don't people understand that? They spend too much time on this one or that one - so silly and juvenile. And NOt very smart! A little common sense goes a long way, but don't try to be better when the next guy when clearly you are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP basically you have made nothing of yourself in life and as a result, have lots of free time on your hands. Congratulations.

I think you are typical of exactly the kind of problem OP was talking about. She's structured her life in a way that makes sense to her such that she doesn't have to run around fruitlessly. She is indeed owed congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hated the book Eat pray Love. I know most people loved it, but I just kept thinking "get over yourself." BUT, one thing I read in that book really struck a chord with me. When she was in Europe, she talked about the American lifestyle. How people measure their own worth (and the worthiness of others) by how busy and hurried their lifestyle is. Other cultures (such as Europe) tend to laugh at us for making this our goal in life - to fill our days with so many little tasks that we are constantly on the go. Is it really a crime to stop and smell the roses? Not just every now and then...but often? How often do we put each other down by saying things like "what do you do all day?" or "you must have a lot of spare time on your hands." As if that's a bad thing! I was thinking about this tonight when talking to DH's friend. He proudly proclaimed that they are just too busy to watch very much TV anymore. "We never even get a chance to sit down on weekends or in the evenings!" His wife is a stay at home mom (as am I) and they have 1 child. It would be different if they never get to sit down because they are out enjoying life, but that's not what he was talking about. He was talking about busywork and time fillers. Im not saying it's a bad thing that they don't watch a lot of tv, and I realize that I don't know exactly how much of their hurriedness (is that a word?) is by choice. He's just the latest example - I hear this stuff all the time.

i was also reading a blog tonight that a fellow SAHM wrote. It was something like "Top 10 things not to say to SAHMs." then she went on to defend herself on all 10 items. She boasted about the fact that she rarely gets a chance to sit down at all during the day. Really? I've been a SAHM for almost 11 years. Very early on, I learned some strategies for carving out a little time to decompress almost every day. If I hadn't, they would have locked me up years ago! I often spend a good part of my afternoon playing board games or the Wii with my son and going on hikes around the neighborhood or to the park. Being able to stay home with my kids is a gift. I'm not gonna blow it by filling my days with menial tasks when it's not necessary. I read that lady's blog and just thought "geesh! get it together lady!" BTW, she has 2 kids, ages 9 and 2. Hmm. the 9yo is in school all day. You would think she could figure out how to sit down at some point while having a 2yo in the house.

Does it occur to anyone that they might lack time management skills?

I'm a SAHM of 3 kids. youngest in 1/2 day K. I have goals, I continue to make accomplishments, and I would say I'm a very productive person and do lots of volunteer work. Having said that, I am proud to say that I do have some spare time! Many of our weekends are slow. We try to minimize our kids activities, and our weekends are focused on fun, rest and relaxation. Don't get me wrong - we aren't a lazy family by any means. We don't just sit around staring at each other or watching tv. We like to go on family bike rides, hang out with friends, go to sporting events, go kayaking, camping, playing in the yard, etc. But every now and then, we will spend an entire saturday in our PJs!

I just wish that, when people are measuring their level of success, they would factor in their prioritizing and time management skills. I know that many people have no choice but to run themselves ragged. I'm not talking about those people. I'm talking about those of us who do have a choice. Life is short. Relax, people! It's not a race!

Kids are still in their PJs.

I work.

But I love my down time and am so happy knowing my daughter will NOT continue with dance next year!