is it possible for a woman to just not have any close friends?

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a different reaction - looks to me like your friend is exhibiting behaviors of someone tending towards the autistic spectrum. Google adult Aspergers symptoms and see if some of those don't ring true. Someone who doesn't really pick up on social reciprocity in any settings is different from all the "my life is very full/busy" posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM and I never called people to ask what they were having for dinner. I found the small talk horribly boring and tedious. I filled my mornings with keeping fit at the gym and dove into my passion, which is cooking.

I also scheduled play dates for my children inbetween the activites that I had them in. However many days were eaten up by me going to the gym, lunch, nap, and then DH arrival home.

OP, you have to understand that not every SAHM is fulfilled by tedious small talk about nothing.

I cook and exercise, and I work.

How much time do you need to cook and exercise each day?

That sounds absolutely dreadful to me if that's what fills your day.

exerciser/cook here. I too work full time now that my children are school age. It was a wonderful life, but now its back to reality, I still work out daily, but is is a cram. I still cook, but it is quite simple. I was in the best shape of my life and I did not have to wake up at 5AM to do it. Of course more went on, but when you have small children, it does not take much to fill up a day when 2 hours in the morning are spent at the gym...boot camp, pilates, yoga, it was nice and quite relaxing. Our evenings are now a crazy scramble with 3 boys in sports and just a constant rush. However, I chose to go back to work and that has its benefits too.

However, hours of mindless chatter on the phone, was never my thing, as exercise and Julia Child's Mastering the Art of Fine French Cooking is not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

NP here.

OP, you sound obsessed with this other woman.
Relationship. Intimacy. Deep talks. She's not calling.

Kind of creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel like you just keep saying the same thing over and over. I don't mean that in a nasty or snarky way, but it really sounds like you're making the same point repeatedly - that you want us all to agree to what your idea of friendship is and the amount of communication that is required or considered "normal" for friends, and you keep trying to justify why your view of friendship makes sense. But it's not the only view. Why not just accept that friendship means different things to different people, and that's not based on whether they work or stay home? It's just personality-driven. My SIL works full-time and she is constantly on the phone talking, texting and emailing with friends from all walks of her life (old college friends, former coworkers, new friends). That is just not me. I work part-time and am home a lot, and I never ever talk on the phone, not even with family members, and rarely text anyone other than my husband. I don't even email my friends regularly except for my very best friend whom I e-mail with about 2-3 times a week. But when we do get together, I will talk to my friends about anything and everything, even intimate/highly personal matters.

Some people - like your friend - can share intimately and then not talk to you on a regular basis, but still feel a closeness with you and share some more intimate details/stories the next time you're together - that may be a close friendship to your friend even if it doesn't conform to what you think (insist?) that a close friendship means.

It sounds like this is a person you really enjoy and she apparently enjoys you as well since she has shared intimately with you. Why are you nitpicking over something like this? You are making an issue of nothing. Life is too short. This woman doesn't need/want the same level of communication as you do, but she is a friend nonetheless. Accept her how she is. Be grateful for the friendship you do have with her instead of trying to force it into the same mold as all of your other friendships.

Ditto all of this. If your friend's behavior is really confusing to you, say something to her about it. Or don't and accept the relationship as is. But just because someone is phoning/texting/emailing frequently, doesn't mean that they aren't capable of "deep" friendships. And if the regular phone/text/email contact is important, make an effort to develop or deepen friendships with people who can meet your need in this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, you sound obsessed with this other woman.
Relationship. Intimacy. Deep talks. She's not calling.

Kind of creepy.

I know, she even mentioned that the friend was "popular" and had dozens of friends. Sounds very high school, so very desparate to be in the inner circle.

OP, you need to MOVE on if you want to find someone who talk about nothing on the phone daily. There are obviously other like you out there, but you might have to settle for someone less popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is probably just shy. I am like this. Sometimes (very rarely), I don't even want to talk to my family. I need to tell them that I just need some time alone. Talking to other people can be very trying for the shy. We find it emotionally draining and would never initiate it. I feel jealous that other women can be so comfortable with each other, but know that I will always feel some tension when I am with other people, no matter how much I like them (and yes, I'm an engineer and am most comfortable with men.)

Bingo. I'm a lawyer, and I had two close friends in college who went into engineering. Not surprisingly, those friendships did not survive long. I love to talk, and they can't be bothered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is probably just shy. I am like this. Sometimes (very rarely), I don't even want to talk to my family. I need to tell them that I just need some time alone. Talking to other people can be very trying for the shy. We find it emotionally draining and would never initiate it. I feel jealous that other women can be so comfortable with each other, but know that I will always feel some tension when I am with other people, no matter how much I like them (and yes, I'm an engineer and am most comfortable with men.)

Bingo. I'm a lawyer, and I had two close friends in college who went into engineering. Not surprisingly, those friendships did not survive long. I love to talk, and they can't be bothered.

Just about the dumbest shit I've read on here.

Along those lines, maybe the engineer is too smart to be bothered with silly chatter about what is in the crock-pot?

I too cannot stand pointless conversation, but I double majored in business and fine arts.