If you don't join and/or volunteer in your school's PTA, please explain why

[Anonymous]

i volunteer with my church to help kids who have reading problems improve their reading skills. i also volunteer with habitat for humanity. however, going with the argument of pta supporters, i am a terrible person since my time isn't spent ON THE PTA!!!!!

seriously, pta parents, if you spent as much time educating others as to the benefits/results of an active pta and less time bitching and being exclusive, you might do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three kids, I work full time and we move quite often. I just don't have the time. I attend school functions, donate and make purchases through the PTA. Overall, PTA is pretty low on my totem pole. Sorry.

In my mind the PTA is for SAHMs. I'm sure that is a broad assumption and I will get flamed, but that's my two cent donation.

That's completely untrue at my school - about half the board is WOHM, and some WAHM, and some SAHMs. I am a WOHM, and I see that SAHMs have just as much "work" to do that isn't school-related. I think that it is unfair to expect SAH Parents to shoulder burden of providing opportunities/benefits for everyone's kids - especially since SAH parents really don't make up THAT much of the parents in the school. Which is why I volunteer, pay dues, etc. Plus, I just like knowing what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i volunteer with my church to help kids who have reading problems improve their reading skills. i also volunteer with habitat for humanity. however, going with the argument of pta supporters, i am a terrible person since my time isn't spent ON THE PTA!!!!!

seriously, pta parents, if you spent as much time educating others as to the benefits/results of an active pta and less time bitching and being exclusive, you might do better.

No one said that you're a terrible person for not spending time on PTA. We all have finite resources both of time and money. Sounds like you have made your choice to spend both in other areas. I think the OP was wondering how the PTA can catch your attention for spending some of both or either on PTA-related activities. It sounds like you feel that the parents on your PTA have not been willing to accept your time and effort when offered (I am basing this on the "exclusive" comment). If so, then it's their loss. If you have not offered, and are just assuming exclusivity, then, perhaps you have jumped to conclusions.

[Anonymous]

WOH moms, step it up!

At my daughter's school, the majority of PTA volunteers (and volunteers in general) were not working out of the home, which caused some tension.

Part of the issues is indeed time. I can't, for example, volunteer during the school day. But by not being "present," you're often out of the know. Being a visible presence on the PTA as a working parent is important b/c our perspectives are different.

What I see now are more working parents who are volunteering behind the scenes - while SAH parents manage to handle the day-to-day duties.

[Anonymous]

We moved here to an ES with a not-so-active PTA from one in another state where tons of parents were involved.

Here's what we had there that we don't have here:
Science Fair
Computer room with about 35 computers.
Spelling Bee
Geography Bee
Junior Great Books
Noon-hour fun classes during the winter months

[Anonymous]

I just don't get it. I don't understand how any parent can choose to do nothing at all over the course of a school year. I don't care how financially strapped or busy (a lot of these parents are well resourced) - if you chose to parent you should make time for some school related duties in your life. If every parent did ONE thing, the same ten parents wouldn't do everything. They do it out of a sense of responsibility, not because they magically have 'more time'. It's kind of like shoveling your elderly neighbor's car out; you just do it b/cause it's the right thing to do.

Of course you don't understand. You can't see beyond your own experiences. People like you are like a repellant. You DO have more time, you DO have more resources than others and to expect anyone to operate as you think they should is bullshit. We have a lot of ESL and FARM kids at our school whose parents are doing the best they can. They have the same aspirations for their kids as we do. How dare you think you understand what it's like to work two or three jobs trying to make ends meet, have unstable housing and limited English proficiency? Even someone like me has challenges you can't imagine. Two of my three kids have special needs. DH and both WOH. We have 3-5 therapy appointments every week. Insurance doesn't pay shit and we have no family around that is capable of helping us in any way. In fact, my FIL is a home bound invalid, paralyzed on the left side from a stroke and suffering from dementia. My MIL died 4 years ago and DH is an only child. How dare you think you're just as strapped for time and money as I am. You're not. We do make time for school related activities - my kids are clean, dressed appropriately, get to school on time, eat breakfast, do their homework, we attend school events and are in frequently communication with the school and teachers. Volunteer at whatever level you're comfortable but don't presume to think I should give PTA any of my time.

If PTA is where you want to focus your energy on PTA because you think it's worthwhile, goody for you. Just don't expect others to make the same choice and don't play the martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I just don't get it. I don't understand how any parent can choose to do nothing at all over the course of a school year. I don't care how financially strapped or busy (a lot of these parents are well resourced) - if you chose to parent you should make time for some school related duties in your life. If every parent did ONE thing, the same ten parents wouldn't do everything. They do it out of a sense of responsibility, not because they magically have 'more time'. It's kind of like shoveling your elderly neighbor's car out; you just do it b/cause it's the right thing to do.

Of course you don't understand. You can't see beyond your own experiences. People like you are like a repellant. You DO have more time, you DO have more resources than others and to expect anyone to operate as you think they should is bullshit. We have a lot of ESL and FARM kids at our school whose parents are doing the best they can. They have the same aspirations for their kids as we do. How dare you think you understand what it's like to work two or three jobs trying to make ends meet, have unstable housing and limited English proficiency? Even someone like me has challenges you can't imagine. Two of my three kids have special needs. DH and both WOH. We have 3-5 therapy appointments every week. Insurance doesn't pay shit and we have no family around that is capable of helping us in any way. In fact, my FIL is a home bound invalid, paralyzed on the left side from a stroke and suffering from dementia. My MIL died 4 years ago and DH is an only child. How dare you think you're just as strapped for time and money as I am. You're not. We do make time for school related activities - my kids are clean, dressed appropriately, get to school on time, eat breakfast, do their homework, we attend school events and are in frequently communication with the school and teachers. Volunteer at whatever level you're comfortable but don't presume to think I should give PTA any of my time.

If PTA is where you want to focus your energy on PTA because you think it's worthwhile, goody for you. Just don't expect others to make the same choice and don't play the martyr.

You may be financially strapped right now--but you say you make time for many school related activities. So I am not referring to you. Good for you, and I'm sorry, and sympathetic to your struggles. It sounds like you are a fantastic parent making it right for your children. BTW, when I have served on a PA/PTA I have always advocated for families who do work or have other time challenges when scheduling events etc. Not all PA's/PTA's are obtuse. A good PA would also be aware of your situation and seek ways to help YOU.
I also think the title of this thread is a little confusing. I took it to mean respond to calls for volunteers/participation by the school and PTA. Not, why don't you serve on the PTA as an officer. Perhaps that is how I got off on this tangent. If you respond to me, please respond to that bigger question of "if you participate at your school at all". We have a bunch of apathetic parents at our school, and I started off in a place of Oh well but I am really starting to basically detest them. I am speaking to rich or poor who state they simply don't have time/resources to do ANYTHING at their kids' school. Yes, I think that's pretty repellant. Obviously we all go through passages in life where we can go do more, or less and I am not speaking to an outlier who suffers from crippling depression for example. But let's take someone who works on the Hill and says, Gosh, I don't have time to do anything at all this year. Not one thing. They can't muster to come to a single event or send in twenty dollars for a class fund or volunteer for one field trip or party during the year, especially with choices of daytime, nighttimes, Saturdays...
My chagrin is not with poor or rich but with people who use money or time as an excuse to do NOTHING. And in my experience, it is the well off and time strapped who often slack the most. At many schools in which I've participated the poorer families have found a way to kick in, whether by contributing a small dollar amount (which is a lot compared to their net worth) or sending in food for a potluck or sharing traditions at a heritage night. My hat off to them for that. It's a great example to their better off, shameless counterparts. I will state it again: I think it's repellant, rich or poor (barring extraordinary circumstances) to do absolutely nothing in/for your child's school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I just don't get it. I don't understand how any parent can choose to do nothing at all over the course of a school year. I don't care how financially strapped or busy (a lot of these parents are well resourced) - if you chose to parent you should make time for some school related duties in your life. If every parent did ONE thing, the same ten parents wouldn't do everything. They do it out of a sense of responsibility, not because they magically have 'more time'. It's kind of like shoveling your elderly neighbor's car out; you just do it b/cause it's the right thing to do.

Of course you don't understand. You can't see beyond your own experiences. People like you are like a repellant. You DO have more time, you DO have more resources than others and to expect anyone to operate as you think they should is bullshit. We have a lot of ESL and FARM kids at our school whose parents are doing the best they can. They have the same aspirations for their kids as we do. How dare you think you understand what it's like to work two or three jobs trying to make ends meet, have unstable housing and limited English proficiency? Even someone like me has challenges you can't imagine. Two of my three kids have special needs. DH and both WOH. We have 3-5 therapy appointments every week. Insurance doesn't pay shit and we have no family around that is capable of helping us in any way. In fact, my FIL is a home bound invalid, paralyzed on the left side from a stroke and suffering from dementia. My MIL died 4 years ago and DH is an only child. How dare you think you're just as strapped for time and money as I am. You're not. We do make time for school related activities - my kids are clean, dressed appropriately, get to school on time, eat breakfast, do their homework, we attend school events and are in frequently communication with the school and teachers. Volunteer at whatever level you're comfortable but don't presume to think I should give PTA any of my time.

If PTA is where you want to focus your energy on PTA because you think it's worthwhile, goody for you. Just don't expect others to make the same choice and don't play the martyr.

I'm sorry but you are playing the martyr. My situation is almost word for word identical to yours (except one kid with special needs, not two), and I still volunteer by doing things like stuffing envelopes, or stapling flyers or researching stuff at night after the kids have gone to bed. We have parents at our school who are dirt poor and still out of the goodness of their heart managed to donate a fair amount of food to our canned food drive for the holidays.
Your kids are clean, dressed appropriately, do their homework, and you attend school events and are in communication wtih the teachers. So does just about everybody else, unless they can't afford to dress their kids, etc.. That doesn't make you exceptional.
At the end of the day, if parents chose not pitch in because they feel like the PTA is somehow trying to lord it over them or isn't deferential enough or they feel the board members are primma donnas or whatever, the kids get fewer opportunities. Your choice.

[Anonymous]

I didn't join the public school party until kids were in HS so it seemed late to be active in PTA. We do pay dues of course. We are active in Sports Boosters and on the school teams our kids are involved in. Plenty of concession stand vounteering, driving, etc. That too tends to be concentrated in a small group, depending on the team.

I am a WOHM parent and have always found plenty of time to be involved in my kids schools and activities. To the poster who said she doesn't enjoy going to games/concerts - I hope you change your view over time. While I attended a ton of these (probably 75% of HS games, including away games), my one regret is the ones I've missed. And my kids remember the ones I missed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but you are playing the martyr. My situation is almost word for word identical to yours (except one kid with special needs, not two), and I still volunteer by doing things like stuffing envelopes, or stapling flyers or researching stuff at night after the kids have gone to bed. We have parents at our school who are dirt poor and still out of the goodness of their heart managed to donate a fair amount of food to our canned food drive for the holidays.
Your kids are clean, dressed appropriately, do their homework, and you attend school events and are in communication wtih the teachers. So does just about everybody else, unless they can't afford to dress their kids, etc.. That doesn't make you exceptional.
At the end of the day, if parents chose not pitch in because they feel like the PTA is somehow trying to lord it over them or isn't deferential enough or they feel the board members are primma donnas or whatever, the kids get fewer opportunities. Your choice.

No the PP you're responding to but I agree with her. You have very limited experiences if you think just about everybody's kids are clean, dressed appropriately, do their homework, their parents attend evens and are in communication with the teachers. I used to teach in FCPS and I would say no more than half the parents at my schools could be described that way. Not only did less than half come to back to school night, at least for a quarter of them, we had to have a ready store of clothes, coats and undergarments - and it wasn't always the kids from the poorer families. I saw little correlation between socioeconomic level and parent participation.

I also disagree that the PP came across as a martyr. She's being factual about the challenges in her life. You might not be as burdened with your single special needs kid but you don't know what her situation is. Just like we say each child is dfference, so is each person. You might be able to find time and energy to help stuff envelopes, that doesn't mean everyone can. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Everyone should do what they can. and too many don't do anything at all. I view positively anyone who pitches in even to one thing, as many hands make little work. I find it strange all the PP's who do pitch in but express such hostility towards the efforts of their PA's/PTA's. Isn't that judging too? I love the Chocolate War as a kid about the boy who refuses to participate in the candy drive,and I might refuse myself-- but realistically, I can't fault people hawking wrapping paper so my kid can have a new blacktop. I was in a school where the PTA commercialized everything, and I let them know when I thought they went too far (charging excessively at kids' parties), but I didn't begrudge their intent which I think came from a good and decent place.

[Anonymous]

It is just so crazy to me that people think other parents OWE it to the school to participate in PTA -- just b/c we send our children there.

I'll assume for the moment that PTA is doing something for my child's benefit... and I still say that I don't owe you PTA-parents anything. Yes, it is nice that anyone chooses to give their time/money/effort to the school (in fact, I do help out). But, I'm at a PUBLIC school. I have a right to send my kid there without any strings attached. I help out b/c of my own choice to be civic-minded, not because I owe you or the school anything. My only obligation to the school is to make sure my child arrives at school ready to learn each day.


I know private schools have a different attitude when it comes to parent involvement. So maybe we're talking about different systems of parent/teacher associations. But, at a public school, I am free to send my kid to school without also joining a club I don't particularly like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three kids, I work full time and we move quite often. I just don't have the time. I attend school functions, donate and make purchases through the PTA. Overall, PTA is pretty low on my totem pole. Sorry.

In my mind the PTA is for SAHMs. I'm sure that is a broad assumption and I will get flamed, but that's my two cent donation.

That's completely untrue at my school - about half the board is WOHM, and some WAHM, and some SAHMs. I am a WOHM, and I see that SAHMs have just as much "work" to do that isn't school-related. I think that it is unfair to expect SAH Parents to shoulder burden of providing opportunities/benefits for everyone's kids - especially since SAH parents really don't make up THAT much of the parents in the school. Which is why I volunteer, pay dues, etc. Plus, I just like knowing what's going on.

I'm the one with the three kids that doesn't have time for the PTA. Sorry I just don't. We do attend the PTA functions but I don't pay dues or go to PTA meetings.

We did - buy the kids shirts/magnets from the PTA
- provide (homemade) baked goods/ healthy snacks for every school party
- attended four PTA sponsored events, including making food purchases (Math Night, Valentines Dance, Back to School Kick off and Magic Night)
- DH spoke at Career Day
- Volunteered for three field trips (DH & myself)

So while we are not active in the PTA, we do other things to support our kids & the school and for me that is enough.

The one thing that our last school's PTA did that this one does not is contests. We had Boxtop Collection Contests, Campbells Soup Contests, Penny Wars, etc. They were all very simple and lasted all year. There would be a winning student and classroom each month, with simple but fun rewards. The kids loved it.

[Anonymous]

We give money but don't otherwise get involved because it is full of gossippy SAHM's with nothing better to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three kids, I work full time and we move quite often. I just don't have the time. I attend school functions, donate and make purchases through the PTA. Overall, PTA is pretty low on my totem pole. Sorry.

In my mind the PTA is for SAHMs. I'm sure that is a broad assumption and I will get flamed, but that's my two cent donation.

That's completely untrue at my school - about half the board is WOHM, and some WAHM, and some SAHMs. I am a WOHM, and I see that SAHMs have just as much "work" to do that isn't school-related. I think that it is unfair to expect SAH Parents to shoulder burden of providing opportunities/benefits for everyone's kids - especially since SAH parents really don't make up THAT much of the parents in the school. Which is why I volunteer, pay dues, etc. Plus, I just like knowing what's going on.

I'm the one with the three kids that doesn't have time for the PTA. Sorry I just don't. We do attend the PTA functions but I don't pay dues or go to PTA meetings.

We did - buy the kids shirts/magnets from the PTA
- provide (homemade) baked goods/ healthy snacks for every school party
- attended four PTA sponsored events, including making food purchases (Math Night, Valentines Dance, Back to School Kick off and Magic Night)
- DH spoke at Career Day
- Volunteered for three field trips (DH & myself)

So while we are not active in the PTA, we do other things to support our kids & the school and for me that is enough.

The one thing that our last school's PTA did that this one does not is contests. We had Boxtop Collection Contests, Campbells Soup Contests, Penny Wars, etc. They were all very simple and lasted all year. There would be a winning student and classroom each month, with simple but fun rewards. The kids loved it.

If you did all that to me you are 'active'. i'm not sure why you wouldn't pay dues if you can afford it though. It costs the PTA money often to underwrite the things you mention.