If you don't join and/or volunteer in your school's PTA, please explain why

[Anonymous]

I've got a lot names to call people; I'm going to go learn to spell, KTHXBAI!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three kids, I work full time and we move quite often. I just don't have the time. I attend school functions, donate and make purchases through the PTA. Overall, PTA is pretty low on my totem pole. Sorry.

In my mind the PTA is for SAHMs. I'm sure that is a broad assumption and I will get flamed, but that's my two cent donation.

many sahm feel that they already do "enough" for the school and therefore don't do PTA, that all for you honey, want to give you an opportunity to do something too!

You know what, though? The SAHM do that by choice so they shouldn't be resentful. At least at our school, the "volunteer" opportunities in the classroom exist largely to give parents a chance to participate. I may not volunteer every week, but I send in whatever the teacher needs, go on field trips, donate, etc. Just because I can't be in the school during working hours doesn't mean I'm not involved. If you're resentful that you, as a SAHM, perceive that you're carrying too big of a load, then stop. I think you might find that you bring it on yourself and perhaps even enjoy being a martyr and lording it over the WOHM.

What? I was being sarcastic, I don't give a shit what you do or how you spend your time-your post said the PTA is for sahms-many of which do other things around the school and don't have time for the PTA or not interested in it either. "lording it over the WOHM?" Are you insane, why can't I lord it over the mom that works out of the house? Who uses that term? Nut job.

[Anonymous]

If you're not in the PTA help out in other ways, support their activities that you find worthy and don't begrudge them that they find activities like supporting your kids' school fulfilling. It's more than can't we all just get along. At the end of the day PTA's and PA's do a lot of 'invisible' work--just like you as a non-PTA parent do. It would be bad if either contribution came to a halt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread was very off-putting. Some of the PTA supporters showed incredible contempt and a lack of empathy toward those who have either made different choices, or are really overwhelmed with the day-to-day responsibilities of their lives. Your contempt shows.

I did try to get involved and help out. I wasn't made to feel very welcome, and so I found other ways to contribute to our community. I also (in the spirit of Maimonides), do much of my contributing (time, and money) in ways outsiders and even insiders would not be able to attribute to me.

OP - I'm glad you aren't cliquish but don't be so sure it isn't happening in your school. The "absent" parents probably have their reasons. Either they find the "in" group offputting, or you aren't offering things they value.

Oh boy, I think you're that crazy guy from my kid's school,

again, your contempt shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three kids, I work full time and we move quite often. I just don't have the time. I attend school functions, donate and make purchases through the PTA. Overall, PTA is pretty low on my totem pole. Sorry.

In my mind the PTA is for SAHMs. I'm sure that is a broad assumption and I will get flamed, but that's my two cent donation.

many sahm feel that they already do "enough" for the school and therefore don't do PTA, that all for you honey, want to give you an opportunity to do something too!

You know what, though? The SAHM do that by choice so they shouldn't be resentful. At least at our school, the "volunteer" opportunities in the classroom exist largely to give parents a chance to participate. I may not volunteer every week, but I send in whatever the teacher needs, go on field trips, donate, etc. Just because I can't be in the school during working hours doesn't mean I'm not involved. If you're resentful that you, as a SAHM, perceive that you're carrying too big of a load, then stop. I think you might find that you bring it on yourself and perhaps even enjoy being a martyr and lording it over the WOHM.

What? I was being sarcastic, I don't give a shit what you do or how you spend your time-your post said the PTA is for sahms-many of which do other things around the school and don't have time for the PTA or not interested in it either. "lording it over the WOHM?" Are you insane, why can't I lord it over the mom that works out of the house? Who uses that term? Nut job.

I am the one you responded to, but I'm actually not the original poster quoted first. I realize you can't tell because it's all anonymous, but I was not the one who said the PTA is for SAHM. I was merely responding to your post because I get a lot of attitude form SAHMs at our school who think I owe them something because they volunteer in my childrens' classrooms and do PTA stuff (which I tried to do one year, but wasn't in the "club"). Frankly, I wish the school didn't allow parents to volunteer in class on a regular basis. I find the most of the mothers come out of the classroom and gossip about which kid is at which level, which kids are "smart" and which ones are "dim bulbs." I find it completely offensive -- especially when AAP selection comes around and they have these crazy opinions on which kids are gifted and which are not based on what they (as untrained volunteers) saw in the classroom. So basically, I think the parents that are doing it, do it because they want to and they have time. Perhaps they should consider that others don't have that choice (i.e. work and can't be there during the day) or choose not to do it and stop acting as if the rest of the parents in teh school owe them something for volunteering. Nuts? Maybe I am, but I'll bet there are others who agree.

[Anonymous]

As both a teacher and a parent, I don't see the value of a lot of what the PTA does.

In my experience, some of the things that the PTA does as nice but not neccessary -- new flowers along the walkway? sure, why not, but not more valuable than other volunteer work. Volunteers in the classroom? Six to one half dozen to the other, in my opinion.

In other cases, I see the PTA pushing agendas that are not in the interest of all children. At one school I know the PTA raised a huge amount of money to pay for glass display cabinets for children's artwork, that were placed in the hallway that used to hold indoor recess, so now the children don't play anymore, and working parents whose kids ride the bus don't get to see their kids' artwork because it isn't sent home. Lovely.

I know other PTA's, especially JKLM's that put huge amount of emphasis on things like Halloween parties that actively exclude children of certain religious beliefs.

I feel strongly that PTA's shouldn't be allowed to raise money for either curriculum or staff, as I think this is an unethical practice, and so I'm certainly not going to help "fundraise".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As both a teacher and a parent, I don't see the value of a lot of what the PTA does.

In my experience, some of the things that the PTA does as nice but not neccessary -- new flowers along the walkway? sure, why not, but not more valuable than other volunteer work. Volunteers in the classroom? Six to one half dozen to the other, in my opinion.

In other cases, I see the PTA pushing agendas that are not in the interest of all children. At one school I know the PTA raised a huge amount of money to pay for glass display cabinets for children's artwork, that were placed in the hallway that used to hold indoor recess, so now the children don't play anymore, and working parents whose kids ride the bus don't get to see their kids' artwork because it isn't sent home. Lovely.

I know other PTA's, especially JKLM's that put huge amount of emphasis on things like Halloween parties that actively exclude children of certain religious beliefs.I feel strongly that PTA's shouldn't be allowed to raise money for either curriculum or staff, as I think this is an unethical practice, and so I'm certainly not going to help "fundraise".

I find that strange about the glass display. It seems to me that in most schools, everything the PTA does is vetted by the administration, and if the latter objects to it, it doesn't happen.
Regarding the Halloween parties, would you please explain? I know that there are parents who object to Halloween because they consider a satanic practice, but frankly, it's a beloved American tradition and a holiday in many many highly Christian countries, so if my kids couldn't have a Halloween party on that account, I would be pissed.
And why shouldn't PTA be allowed to raise money for curriculum or staff on an ethical basis? I know that in some jurisdictions this isn't allowed, but we used to live in a city where a 501(c)3 working alongside the PTA would raise funds to provide arts and music teachers and curricula that wouldn't have been available to the kids otherwise because the city just didn't allocate enough money for that. How is that unethical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As both a teacher and a parent, I don't see the value of a lot of what the PTA does.

In my experience, some of the things that the PTA does as nice but not neccessary -- new flowers along the walkway? sure, why not, but not more valuable than other volunteer work. Volunteers in the classroom? Six to one half dozen to the other, in my opinion.

In other cases, I see the PTA pushing agendas that are not in the interest of all children. At one school I know the PTA raised a huge amount of money to pay for glass display cabinets for children's artwork, that were placed in the hallway that used to hold indoor recess, so now the children don't play anymore, and working parents whose kids ride the bus don't get to see their kids' artwork because it isn't sent home. Lovely.

I know other PTA's, especially JKLM's that put huge amount of emphasis on things like Halloween parties that actively exclude children of certain religious beliefs.I feel strongly that PTA's shouldn't be allowed to raise money for either curriculum or staff, as I think this is an unethical practice, and so I'm certainly not going to help "fundraise".

I find that strange about the glass display. It seems to me that in most schools, everything the PTA does is vetted by the administration, and if the latter objects to it, it doesn't happen.
Regarding the Halloween parties, would you please explain? I know that there are parents who object to Halloween because they consider a satanic practice, but frankly, it's a beloved American tradition and a holiday in many many highly Christian countries, so if my kids couldn't have a Halloween party on that account, I would be pissed.
And why shouldn't PTA be allowed to raise money for curriculum or staff on an ethical basis? I know that in some jurisdictions this isn't allowed, but we used to live in a city where a 501(c)3 working alongside the PTA would raise funds to provide arts and music teachers and curricula that wouldn't have been available to the kids otherwise because the city just didn't allocate enough money for that. How is that unethical?

PP. I should add that I helped with that arts and music fundraising even though my kids were enrolled in art and music lessons outside of school. Those who benefited the most were the kids whose parents couldn't afford outside lessons (since my kids were way past that level of music instruction anyway), and that's just as it should be, if you believe that the school is a community with equal opportunity for all children. What's unethical about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three kids, I work full time and we move quite often. I just don't have the time. I attend school functions, donate and make purchases through the PTA. Overall, PTA is pretty low on my totem pole. Sorry.

In my mind the PTA is for SAHMs. I'm sure that is a broad assumption and I will get flamed, but that's my two cent donation.

many sahm feel that they already do "enough" for the school and therefore don't do PTA, that all for you honey, want to give you an opportunity to do something too!

You know what, though? The SAHM do that by choice so they shouldn't be resentful. At least at our school, the "volunteer" opportunities in the classroom exist largely to give parents a chance to participate. I may not volunteer every week, but I send in whatever the teacher needs, go on field trips, donate, etc. Just because I can't be in the school during working hours doesn't mean I'm not involved. If you're resentful that you, as a SAHM, perceive that you're carrying too big of a load, then stop. I think you might find that you bring it on yourself and perhaps even enjoy being a martyr and lording it over the WOHM.

What? I was being sarcastic, I don't give a shit what you do or how you spend your time-your post said the PTA is for sahms-many of which do other things around the school and don't have time for the PTA or not interested in it either. "lording it over the WOHM?" Are you insane, why can't I lord it over the mom that works out of the house? Who uses that term? Nut job.

I am the one you responded to, but I'm actually not the original poster quoted first. I realize you can't tell because it's all anonymous, but I was not the one who said the PTA is for SAHM. I was merely responding to your post because I get a lot of attitude form SAHMs at our school who think I owe them something because they volunteer in my childrens' classrooms and do PTA stuff (which I tried to do one year, but wasn't in the "club"). Frankly, I wish the school didn't allow parents to volunteer in class on a regular basis. I find the most of the mothers come out of the classroom and gossip about which kid is at which level, which kids are "smart" and which ones are "dim bulbs." I find it completely offensive -- especially when AAP selection comes around and they have these crazy opinions on which kids are gifted and which are not based on what they (as untrained volunteers) saw in the classroom. So basically, I think the parents that are doing it, do it because they want to and they have time. Perhaps they should consider that others don't have that choice (i.e. work and can't be there during the day) or choose not to do it and stop acting as if the rest of the parents in teh school owe them something for volunteering. Nuts? Maybe I am, but I'll bet there are others who agree.

This is completely overboard. Everyone understands that you can't volunteer because you work. Big deal. But that saying that mothers come into the classroom to gossip about the kids and spy on them to make their own judgement about who belongs in AAP and who doesn't and who's a dim wit and who's smart? Maybe you had a bad experience with a few bad apples, but I guarantee you that's by no means the rule.
In fact, many of the moms whom I've volunteered with on the PTA and in the classroom don't have a kid in AAP, don't care much about the issue, don't know who your kid is, and really have better things to do. I can also guarantee you that when I'm in the classroom, to the extent I'm not interacting with other children, the only kid I'm interested in is MINE. That's right, ladies, mine.
I don't go stuff folders, or serve cupcakes, or entertain the kids with games that bore me to death, or plead with the kid who's decided to take his balloon and that of five other classmates because I need it to prop up my self-esteem or be in some privileged (privileged, my ass) circle or because I don't have other things to do. I do it because the kids get so excited for days beforehand and things like this are some of the few moments they'll recall from the otherwise dull routine they go through day after day after day.
Seems to me your worry about spying mothers is more a reflection of your own insecurities about AAP or otherwise. Also, whether your child is a genius or a dim wit, have no fear, the other kids already know, as do lots of other people (teachers, counselors, future employers...). The mothers who volunteer in the classroom are the least of your worries.

[Anonymous]

As far as the art cabinets, in my experience, there are many schools whose administration allows parents to do those kinds of things.

Halloween is a beloved American holiday, celebrated primarily by white families who are part of the mainstream culture. There are plenty of families, disproportionately families of color, who don't celebrate Halloween. Unfortunately these family's voices are rarely heard at school, and even more rarely heard at PTA meetings. The irony is that many schools have Halloween celebrations, with large number of students staying home or attending "alternative activities" in the library, but the same schools would never have a Christmas party and expect non-Christian kids to sit in the library or stay home. As far as denying your kid a party, no one is doing that. My kid attended an elementary school with no Halloween party and yet managed to celebrate every year, when we hosted a party at our home.

As far as PTA's hiring staff, it's a practice that is illegal in most parts of the country, and yet congress has forced it upon us here in the District. In my opinion, allowing wealthy schools to supplement their budgets in this way provides a disincentive for those who are most able to advocate for better allocation of funds, and citywide support of small class sizes and arts instruction to do so.

If you're using your PTA volunteer time to volunteer for other aspects of music support, then I have no problem with that, but if a parent decides instead to use their money and volunteer time to support Planned Parenthood, or the local women and children's shelter, or another organization, I have no problem with that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Halloween is a beloved American holiday, celebrated primarily by white families who are part of the mainstream culture. There are plenty of families, disproportionately families of color, who don't celebrate Halloween. Unfortunately these family's voices are rarely heard at school, and even more rarely heard at PTA meetings. The irony is that many schools have Halloween celebrations, with large number of students staying home or attending "alternative activities" in the library, but the same schools would never have a Christmas party and expect non-Christian kids to sit in the library or stay home. As far as denying your kid a party, no one is doing that. My kid attended an elementary school with no Halloween party and yet managed to celebrate every year, when we hosted a party at our home.

As far as PTA's hiring staff, it's a practice that is illegal in most parts of the country, and yet congress has forced it upon us here in the District. In my opinion, allowing wealthy schools to supplement their budgets in this way provides a disincentive for those who are most able to advocate for better allocation of funds, and citywide support of small class sizes and arts instruction to do so.

Regarding the Halloween parties, I'm not familiar with the situation you are talking about and who the "families of color" in question might be. We used to live in a city with a very diverse population, and when we were out on Halloween night, there were tons of "families of color" running around the streets trick-or-treating. To the extent that there is a significant number of families that object to this practice, it is up to them to let the administration or the PTA know so that their objections can be taken into account. If they don't say anything, they can't complain. FWIW, I'm not Christian, grew up in a predominantly Christian country (not the US) and always thought Christmas parties were great and looked forward to them, so I'm not defending anybody's traditions in particular.

Regarding the practice of allowing wealthy schools to supplement their budgets with 501(c)3 money, I completely disagree with you about what would happen if you prevented that, having lived in an predominantly dismal urban school district in which our school shone precisely because of the socio-economics of the parent body and the support they were able to provide. Simply put, the only reason the parents took a chance on the school was that they were able to bring it up to the standards they expected by throwing money at it. Had they not been able to do that, they would simply decamp to privates or to the suburbs. The idea that they would pin their hopes on advocacy or even be willing to put in the time and effort rather than writing a $1000 check simply doesn't chime with the reality I experienced. As a result of that, a significant number of children from families of more modest means who would have been relegated to yet another dismal school were able to benefit from that support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three kids, I work full time and we move quite often. I just don't have the time. I attend school functions, donate and make purchases through the PTA. Overall, PTA is pretty low on my totem pole. Sorry.

In my mind the PTA is for SAHMs. I'm sure that is a broad assumption and I will get flamed, but that's my two cent donation.

many sahm feel that they already do "enough" for the school and therefore don't do PTA, that all for you honey, want to give you an opportunity to do something too!

You know what, though? The SAHM do that by choice so they shouldn't be resentful. At least at our school, the "volunteer" opportunities in the classroom exist largely to give parents a chance to participate. I may not volunteer every week, but I send in whatever the teacher needs, go on field trips, donate, etc. Just because I can't be in the school during working hours doesn't mean I'm not involved. If you're resentful that you, as a SAHM, perceive that you're carrying too big of a load, then stop. I think you might find that you bring it on yourself and perhaps even enjoy being a martyr and lording it over the WOHM.

What? I was being sarcastic, I don't give a shit what you do or how you spend your time-your post said the PTA is for sahms-many of which do other things around the school and don't have time for the PTA or not interested in it either. "lording it over the WOHM?" Are you insane, why can't I lord it over the mom that works out of the house? Who uses that term? Nut job.

I am the one you responded to, but I'm actually not the original poster quoted first. I realize you can't tell because it's all anonymous, but I was not the one who said the PTA is for SAHM. I was merely responding to your post because I get a lot of attitude form SAHMs at our school who think I owe them something because they volunteer in my childrens' classrooms and do PTA stuff (which I tried to do one year, but wasn't in the "club"). Frankly, I wish the school didn't allow parents to volunteer in class on a regular basis. I find the most of the mothers come out of the classroom and gossip about which kid is at which level, which kids are "smart" and which ones are "dim bulbs." I find it completely offensive -- especially when AAP selection comes around and they have these crazy opinions on which kids are gifted and which are not based on what they (as untrained volunteers) saw in the classroom. So basically, I think the parents that are doing it, do it because they want to and they have time. Perhaps they should consider that others don't have that choice (i.e. work and can't be there during the day) or choose not to do it and stop acting as if the rest of the parents in teh school owe them something for volunteering. Nuts? Maybe I am, but I'll bet there are others who agree.

got to say you sound angry. I suspect you either had a bad experience or your school could very well have an army of unpleasant parents. Either way, I am in the classroom a lot and on field trips and I would NEVER ever gossip about another child-what kind of loser does that? I am there bc I love being there-love getting to know who my kids spend their time with, getting to know their teachers and watching them interact with their friends! I have fun and enjoy supporting our school community. I don't care where you work, or how often I see you around the school. I actually don't socialize with many parents unless our kids are friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since our school has a PA, and every parent is automatically a member, I am looking at this discussion as more what makes you involved or not -- whether volunteering for a field trip or contributing to fundraising etc. In our school you are an automatic member, yet many people opt to do zero of the efforts the PA organizes, or independently. They reap the benefits of course, in an often bewildering way. I.e. "Those potted plants lining the asphalt look so nice". Yes, a parent showed up on school clean-up day and donated them. It gets to the point where 80% of parents are just opting to do nothing, yet they happily send their kids on field trips that the same ten parents chaperone. I just don't get it. I don't understand how any parent can choose to do nothing at all over the course of a school year. I don't care how financially strapped or busy (a lot of these parents are well resourced) - if you chose to parent you should make time for some school related duties in your life. If every parent did ONE thing, the same ten parents wouldn't do everything. They do it out of a sense of responsibility, not because they magically have 'more time'. It's kind of like shoveling your elderly neighbor's car out; you just do it b/cause it's the right thing to do.
I am not demanding involvement in the PTA specifically, just involvement in the parent life of a school--kicking in the intangibles. You may have a talent for organizing and help a teacher arrange a supply closet, and extra DVR to send in, or a willingness to spend a day on a field trip. I don't want to 'own' anyone's time. I just think if more people pitched in in some tiny way, it would have a big impact. PP', you seem to be involved. I have zero quibble with you on that level. I wish more parents at our school contributed to teacher appreciation, showed up for meetings, helped out in the class etc.
However PP, that being said, to want an organized parent arm like the PA or PTA to 'go away' sort of reminds me of people who say 'we don't need the 'federal govt.'. You may not like what they do or how they do it, you may know nothing about what they do or want to change it, but to just wish it away seems a bit absurd. An organized parent arm has a tremendous potential for good, and is probably doing a thousand invisible things that your child benefits from every day. If you choose to not get involved, I would suggest still wishing your PA or PTA well.

Hmmm, I wonder if we are at the same private school? If even not, I know at our school participation is low because their is almost zero communication about what the needs are by those involved until the last minute and then it becomes too difficult for parents to juggle around schedules and show up at the last minute.

[Anonymous]

My child is in a Catholic school but we have attended several of the fun fair type activities put on by elementary schools in our area over the years. What I found is that while the kids seem to enjoy the events the adults are pretty bored but running the events and attending. I know I was. So I could see not a lot of parents feeling the activity had value nor wanting to participate or even attend.

Our school has a PTO that is happy if you give a big donation - the ones who run it are the sahm types who are happy to have this as their "job" and continually get "re-elected" to the various positions each year. One mom told me she was planning to use this on her resume for when she returns to work in a few years?? Hey whatever works for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work FT and it's hard to fit it in.

The PTA is very clique-ish at our school.

THIS!