Does joint custody work?

[Anonymous]

Legal custody is sole or joint. Physical custody is either primary or shared. Shared can be anywhere from 50/50 to 90 overnights and anywhere in between. If your lawyer hasn't explained that, get another one. What the judge orders depends on the facts of the case. some judges are philosophically opposed to a shared arrangement (usually older judges) and a parent aiming for that may have a harder time convincing the court. Some judges (especially those with younger children), may want to give both parents as much time as possible. You've got 15 different judges in Fairfax and 15 potentially different results on the same case. They all have to look at the same factors (and if your lawyer didn't mention the best interests statute section and show you those factors, get another one), but the results will still vary. So, yes, your lawyer either doesn't litigate cases or she is not being straight with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legal custody is sole or joint. Physical custody is either primary or shared. Shared can be anywhere from 50/50 to 90 overnights and anywhere in between. If your lawyer hasn't explained that, get another one. What the judge orders depends on the facts of the case. some judges are philosophically opposed to a shared arrangement (usually older judges) and a parent aiming for that may have a harder time convincing the court. Some judges (especially those with younger children), may want to give both parents as much time as possible. You've got 15 different judges in Fairfax and 15 potentially different results on the same case. They all have to look at the same factors (and if your lawyer didn't mention the best interests statute section and show you those factors, get another one), but the results will still vary. So, yes, your lawyer either doesn't litigate cases or she is not being straight with you.

Yes, he has shown me the code on best interest. His recommendations make sense if I evaluate it against that. He apparently does litigate (just went to Second Saturday and checked with another lawyer). I am hoping to get a third opinion before I pursue this. So far, I have heard from 3 different lawyers that FFX judges order primary physical custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legal custody is sole or joint. Physical custody is either primary or shared. Shared can be anywhere from 50/50 to 90 overnights and anywhere in between. If your lawyer hasn't explained that, get another one. What the judge orders depends on the facts of the case. some judges are philosophically opposed to a shared arrangement (usually older judges) and a parent aiming for that may have a harder time convincing the court. Some judges (especially those with younger children), may want to give both parents as much time as possible. You've got 15 different judges in Fairfax and 15 potentially different results on the same case. They all have to look at the same factors (and if your lawyer didn't mention the best interests statute section and show you those factors, get another one), but the results will still vary. So, yes, your lawyer either doesn't litigate cases or she is not being straight with you.

Thanks for clearing up the terminology.

[Anonymous]

Judges do order primary physical custody but they also order shared custody as well. It's fact specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Judges do order primary physical custody but they also order shared custody as well. It's fact specific.

Curious to what your source is. There is domestic violence involved. Appreciate your responses.

[Anonymous]

Most of the previous posts I've read describing a situation that "works" involves the parents living in relatively close proximity to one another or to the kids' school. In my case, my ex moved very far away and still expects to stick to the 2/2 during the week. When I object, he threatens to take more - a threat I don't back down from, but my point is that custody issues have made my life a living hell. Add to that the fact that my ex is more concerned with punishing me for ending the marriage than he is with genuine co-parenting, and it's just agony. And now to think about the impact that the 2/2 split is having on the kids is unbearable. I want so much more for them than this. I have been and am a good mother in so many ways but I think I will never forgive myself for not being able to protect them from this hellish schedule. I am trying, but it is a terrible, nasty process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the previous posts I've read describing a situation that "works" involves the parents living in relatively close proximity to one another or to the kids' school. In my case, my ex moved very far away and still expects to stick to the 2/2 during the week. When I object, he threatens to take more - a threat I don't back down from, but my point is that custody issues have made my life a living hell. Add to that the fact that my ex is more concerned with punishing me for ending the marriage than he is with genuine co-parenting, and it's just agony. And now to think about the impact that the 2/2 split is having on the kids is unbearable. I want so much more for them than this. I have been and am a good mother in so many ways but I think I will never forgive myself for not being able to protect them from this hellish schedule. I am trying, but it is a terrible, nasty process.

Thanks for your perspective. Sounds like this has been a tough road for you.

[Anonymous]

2/2/3 is hard on many children. Can you do 4/3.

My ex left me and is furious many years later. It's been a living hell for me, too.

[Anonymous]

I spent a fortune and got every other weekend plus one (Friday to Monday). I think it's a great arrangement for our 6 year old DD.