What to do about hyper vigilant parents in public & SN kids whose disabilities are not alway obvious

[Anonymous]

I think it is also important when you have SN kids to figure out what the norm is for their age in your community and to try to get as close as possible to that behavior. The question I always ask about DS is "can he do this?" If he can't because of his issues, my job is to help him negotiate a world in which this is OK. But if he can -- even if it is more difficult for him and takes more effort -- its my job to get him there.

Primarily this is social. Younger children can be forgiving, older children will not be and once your child gets pegged as not able to keep it together, that will make it very difficult for him to make and keep friends.

But also its a part of raising are children to be self-confident and able to function in the wider world when they are adults. I celebrate my DS for who he is, and I know he will never, ever be like the others. BUT, he will be a happier person if he is ready to join the world as it is, as ready as possible.

[Anonymous]

OP, I fully advocate letting kids work things out for themselves, if possible. But, if my 6 year old had been in the line of fire of your 8 year old's squirting, I would have become one of those hyper-vigilant parents. Why? My kid has sensory issues and anxiety. Being splashed in the face by someone who refuses to stop would be a BIG trigger for him. Screaming and splashing your kid repeatedly would be the likely outcome.

Maybe you're not the only parent in the pool with a not-obvious SN kid.