Leaving 15 yr old son alone w/ 12 yr old DD a lot this summer - is it ok?

[Anonymous]

Geez. There are some pretty unrealistic folks here. Doesn't anyone remember being a kid? The curiosity is intense, the urges are strong, and siblings are the closest, safest kids to experiment with.

It really bothers me that the boy is being demonized here, and the girl is being viewed as an actual or potential "rape" victim. Both were/are kids. Sounds pretty consensual to me. Both immediately told parents; no secrecy and lots of remorse with both. No one is being stalked or terrorized.

Didn't EVERYONE want to figure out "man inserts" etc? In fact I think girls are often more puzzled and curious about how it's done than boys are.

That said, you're in a tough situation. I agree it's not a good idea to leave them alone together for a length of time b/c both have shown some difficulty w/judgment and impulse control, and both deserve protection from (their own) actions that are likely to haunt them.

By the time the girl is a year or so older, there probably won't be much need to worry about it any more.

I'd work on keeping both busy w/activities, camp etc. It's the long stretches that could likely be a problem. Don't go too nuts about it - you'll risk making them feel like shameful lepers.

To most of the PP's, get a grip. I'm willing to bet that most of your kids have done similar things. Unlike OP's kids, they just didn't tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It really bothers me that the boy is being demonized here, and the girl is being viewed as an actual or potential "rape" victim. Both were/are kids. Sounds pretty consensual to me. Both immediately told parents; no secrecy and lots of remorse with both. No one is being stalked or terrorized.

I agree with this. The children were close and age and it was consensual. Why is the boy being painted as a demonic rapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:04 That is so different from one on one, an older brother, getting naked and ending up on top of each other. You were not alone with an older brother.

This is common at 8. Thirteen? Older brother, youngest sister?

13:52 here agreeing with 13:04. The boy was 12. That is middle school not a 2-5 year old playing doctor. Is it possible that some posters who think it's OK for a 12 year old boy to be naked laying on top of his younger sister have problms or are pedophiles?

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/child-sexual-abuse

[Anonymous]

don't do it even if camp is out of the question, there are opportunities to volunteer...your son is old enough to help out at an animal shelter or foodbank

[Anonymous]

Please don't do it ! Don't second guess yourself ! GOD has given you instincts.
Use them PLEASE !!!!!

[Anonymous]

No one is painting the brother as demonic. His age is the key. Was he 12 or 13? Either way, that is old enough to make this sort of experimentation something altogether different from playing doctor or what have you at age seven or eight. OP, if you only saw one therapist, perhaps you should see two more and get a sense if the first therapist was an outlier? Again, I have no idea what the literature says about this.

[Anonymous]

It was mutual play. They both engaged in it. Yes, he was 12, but she was 10. Both old enough to know they shouldn't have done it, as evidenced by their mutual guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it ! Don't second guess yourself ! GOD has given you instincts.
Use them PLEASE !!!!!

I think using God-given instincts is what started this whole problem.

Much better to use your brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:04 That is so different from one on one, an older brother, getting naked and ending up on top of each other. You were not alone with an older brother.

This is common at 8. Thirteen? Older brother, youngest sister?

13:52 here agreeing with 13:04. The boy was 12. That is middle school not a 2-5 year old playing doctor. Is it possible that some posters who think it's OK for a 12 year old boy to be naked laying on top of his younger sister have problms or are pedophiles?

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/child-sexual-abuse

Is it possible you are a pedophile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez. There are some pretty unrealistic folks here. Doesn't anyone remember being a kid? The curiosity is intense, the urges are strong, and siblings are the closest, safest kids to experiment with.

It really bothers me that the boy is being demonized here, and the girl is being viewed as an actual or potential "rape" victim. Both were/are kids. Sounds pretty consensual to me. Both immediately told parents; no secrecy and lots of remorse with both. No one is being stalked or terrorized.

Didn't EVERYONE want to figure out "man inserts" etc? In fact I think girls are often more puzzled and curious about how it's done than boys are.

That said, you're in a tough situation. I agree it's not a good idea to leave them alone together for a length of time b/c both have shown some difficulty w/judgment and impulse control, and both deserve protection from (their own) actions that are likely to haunt them.

By the time the girl is a year or so older, there probably won't be much need to worry about it any more.

I'd work on keeping both busy w/activities, camp etc. It's the long stretches that could likely be a problem. Don't go too nuts about it - you'll risk making them feel like shameful lepers.

To most of the PP's, get a grip. I'm willing to bet that most of your kids have done similar things. Unlike OP's kids, they just didn't tell you.

I completely agree.

And, I didn't have siblings so can't speak to that question, but my friends and I experimented at 12 and 13, not 7-8. Maybe we were late boomers? (It all started after we read, "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" in 6th grade.) Anyway, all the rape/pedophile talk seems pretty extreme.

OP - have you seen this Website? http://www.stopitnow.org/age_appropriate_sexual_behavior. I wasn't able to tell who funds them, but they seem legit.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know too many people who have had "something" inappropriate happen to them as kids. Hormones rage and impulses are difficult to resist. I remember being a horny teenager far too clearly. I also remember being molested by older kids. I am very, very careful about whom I allow to have access to my daughters. Listen to your gut.

It is better to be safe than sorry. Don't take the risk. Ensure proprer supervision for them for the summer. At the very least send the younger child to camp if you cannot afford to send both.