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Elementary School-Aged Kids
Leaving 15 yr old son alone w/ 12 yr old DD a lot this summer - is it ok?
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Anonymous
| Maybe I was a little bit harder on my son, but because he is older I thought he should have stopped it. Certainly they both knew better but usually the older one is held more responsible. |
Anonymous
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I would not leave them alone for extended periods, but for brief periods, I don't see any problem. It won't happen again, but why give children the opportunity to misbehave in any way? It's not like they are alone with a sitter who is outside the family and will tell YOU if something happens.
It sounds like they were being silly kids, but you may have left them alone for too long. I have kids the same age difference, and I would not have left my 10 and 12 year olds alone together. Even now, I don't leave them alone together for more than an hour when I'm running errands. |
Anonymous
| Unfair extra burden on the older one. He is not that much older. If they both did it mutually, either could have stopped it. They were equally remorseful. Steps should be taken to prevent in from happening again, but please stop beating up on your son if this wasn't a case of molestation but both kids doing something they shouldn't have. |
Anonymous
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OP,
This is eating you up, please see a therapist yourself for support. Are you married? |
Anonymous
| Yes I am married. |
Anonymous
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I think the reaction on this board tells you more about the mores and paranoias of the dcum community than about these particular children.
Children experiment. I agree your children were a little old to be doing this, but you have no reason to think they would do it again. Relax, keep good communications with both kids, and don't make more out of this than it merits. |
Anonymous
| I would be very cautious about leaving them alone for long periods of time, not because I think this is likely to recur or because I somehow view your son as the aggressor and your daughter as the victim, but because it sounds like neither has great judgement for his/her age (unless there has been amazing maturation since, but if there had you wouldn't be nervous). In fact, I'd be as uncomfortable about one being home alone as both being home together. Try to get them pretty scheduled up with activities. |
Anonymous
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This happened in my husbands family. It started with one incident like this and led to a rape, once as far as I know, not a violent rape but intercouse that was experimental definitely not willing on the sister's part but she was helpless, the younger girl was confused and powerless. Yes, that is rape. It pretty much ruined her life and caused many other issues. You need to prevent your daughter even having to remotely think it could happen again and worry about it more or worse yet something else inappropriate. 30 years later it still impacts everyone and has caused detremental domino effects. Memories get foggy over time worsening everything if not dealt with properly at the time.
Whatever you do, keep your daughter in therapy, hey it probably helps all teens and never tell her that it was just experimenting etc. He did something wrong and though she can forgive him you never want her to think it was her fault or that she should just move on or get over it, she has every right to feel violated. |
Anonymous
Good post. This is a serious situation and should be required reporting on the part of schools, etc. The therapist is a mental health professional: http://www.ct.gov/dcf/cwp/view.asp?a=2556&Q=314388#Who |
Anonymous
| Do not do it. |
Anonymous
| Wow - you people are really making this into something sinister. I would believe it was a one time thing. By the OP bringing it up I think is a mistake. Kids do stupid things, esp with hormones on the rise. Ever hear of kids 'playing doctor'? There is a reason you have - because it's a natural curiosity. |
Anonymous
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Not sinister. I think most folks are trying to contextualize it. What does the literature say? I do not think this experimentation is that common at this age but I don't know.
We played doctor but we were seven and eight and it was with a friend. No one got naked or sexual, either. This was not playing doctor. By age 13, kids have outgrown playing doctor. Bottom line: There's a risk. Why take it? |
Anonymous
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I think its ok. I remember when I was 8 or 9, my sister 10 or 11, and my brother 11 or 12 we did something similiar. Once. Never told our parents. Nothing happened beyond wow, look at the body parts. I remember having the dictionary definition of intercourse in my mind and couldn't for the life of me figure out what sex was "man inserts ... into womans ..."
I also remember catching my elementary age neices together naked. I don't remember how old they were, maybe 8. I think you may have an issue if you keep bringing this up with your kids and making them feel as if it were something more even though you say it wasn't. |
Anonymous
| OP - prepare to be a grandmother. |
Anonymous
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13:04 That is so different from one on one, an older brother, getting naked and ending up on top of each other. You were not alone with an older brother.
This is common at 8. Thirteen? Older brother, youngest sister? |