If you came from a wealthy family and your significant other did not...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is another nuance here in terms of priorities. Are you focused on materials goods (your brand name dropping indicates so) or experiences? It's possible your new friend/ex sees that as a distinction and does not value material goods as highly as you but would be okay with experiences (trips, eating out, etc.). Worth exploring.

Frankly your obsession with how much you are spending on stuff strikes me as immature. You seem to be more focused on what it costs rather than what it's worth. A $200 B&B can be just as charming, if not more so, than a $700 hotel room. You seem to be focused on spending money just to prove something (that you can maybe?) Maybe that is coming through to others?

agree ... I have seven figures saved up (not including those to the right of the decimal point) and wouldn't/don't go for $700 hotels or designer clothes ... I definitely believe that the cheapest is not necessarily the best value but neither of these examples strike me as "value" shopping ... the materialistic undertone I detect goes beyond -- perhaps -- just the issue having more v. having less.

[Anonymous]

OP, what type of earner are you and what type of earner is her? Background, of course, makes a difference in spending habits. But, spending is correlated to how much you earn. Is he a governement employee who is going to be capped out? Or an entrepreneaur who is motivated to make money and be succesful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There is another nuance here in terms of priorities. Are you focused on materials goods (your brand name dropping indicates so) or experiences? It's possible your new friend/ex sees that as a distinction and does not value material goods as highly as you but would be okay with experiences (trips, eating out, etc.). Worth exploring.

Frankly your obsession with how much you are spending on stuff strikes me as immature. You seem to be more focused on what it costs rather than what it's worth. A $200 B&B can be just as charming, if not more so, than a $700 hotel room. You seem to be focused on spending money just to prove something (that you can maybe?) Maybe that is coming through to others?

agree ... I have seven figures saved up (not including those to the right of the decimal point) and wouldn't/don't go for $700 hotels or designer clothes ... I definitely believe that the cheapest is not necessarily the best value but neither of these examples strike me as "value" shopping ... the materialistic undertone I detect goes beyond -- perhaps -- just the issue having more v. having less.

I agree with this. It sounds like you are pining for your old life style. I would not say you are immature because it sounds like you are smart enough to not to spend what you can't afford but it certainly sounds like you miss the things that you grew up having. I grew up with "new money" parents who were into brands and spent an enormous amount of money. It was very important to their identity and feelings of self worth/happiness. I did not want the strings that went along with the gifts so I walked about from it after college. I thought I might miss it but oddly I didn't.

We make enough now that we can afford it but we don't want it. A $200 vacation rental with a kitchen, washing machine, and area for the kids to play is much more enjoyable to me now than $700+ in the 4 Seasons constantly yelling at my kids to stop touching things or not to run into something. I gave up on expensive clothes outside of work when I had babies who would spit up on me. It doesn't make sense to me now to pay $100 for a t-shirt. I'd rather just grab a few Target t-shirts while I'm getting laundry detergent and pitch them when they get ruined. I would never have thought that I would choose Target over NM if I had enough money but go figure. My point is that you may change what you want overtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:'I be buying'

Hmmm....you come from a family of privilege and use grammar like that?

Ha, did I say that somewhere? Blame my poor editing, not my poor grammar. I sometimes change my mind and rephrase my sentence without deleting enough.

If I was a troll, I would tell you that you are being racist

If I were a troll. Check your grammar again.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're a bit obsessed with labels and name dropping. The constant mentionning of labels (Akris, Alden, Bauer Grunwald, Ralph Lauren, Miele, blah blah blah) is tiresome, and really doesn't have anything to do with whether or not a significant other will fit into your lifestyle. It's just some weird way for you to get across all the things you have and know about, since some of them are less mainstream. Like the comment that you want Akris sometimes, not just always Theory. As if Theory is some cheap low end suit that you have to make due with. Please honey, get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd be more concerned if my new-to-money husband went nuts and started spending like there was no tomorrow. Really, you're concerned about him NOT wanting to spend money? I guess it could cause problems but again, the far worse problem would be if you married a guy who was in your same demographic and wasn't "afraid to spend".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family had a lot of money growing up and my DH grew up in a tiny town and his parents were teachers. They weren't poor by any stretch, but there was a MASSIVE difference in the ways we grew up. I have honestly found it to be really helpful for us. He tempers me and keeps me from wasting money like my parents did and I help him to splurge a little more than he did growing up. I think it has been really helpful. I guess what I'm saying is don't assume the influence of your family money will be a one-way street. He might teach you somethings you appreciate as well!

Interesting - you're more like my dh and I'm more like your dh. In my family, I grew up with the parents who came from wealthy families but they didn't do all that much to add to their wealth and they overspent and bought expensive consumer goods so that made me cheap and overly careful with money. Dh grew up in a controlling middle-class family that pinched pennies constantly and for him buying things is a way of liberating himself from that background. We've had issues about money for sure but it is because we both reacted to our different backgrounds rather than reproduced them.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is a whack-job. OP, my hard-working and well-off DH would have run as fast as he could to get away from you if you two had crossed paths 15 years ago. Your descriptions of how you want to live your life are EXACTLY what he despises. If you can afford to buy Kate Spade, then buy it. If you can't, then go to Loehmann's and buy Franco Sarto. Either work hard now so you can afford these luxuries or accept that you have to live on your family's handouts until you inherit their money. Or just shut up.

In all candor, with your sense of entitlement, I don't think you need to worry about any relationship progressing to marriage.

[Anonymous]

Here it is in a nutshell. Who would want their lifestyle to be dependent on the day to day generosity of their in-laws?

I don't think most guys would begrudge you a lifestyle that you can earn on your own, or which you two can earn together in a responsible way.

But if you need handouts to live the life, then he's signing up for those handouts too. And while you are their baby, he is not.

[Anonymous]

OP, isn't this a cross post? I think you sound obsessed with money. Give your husband a break, for crying out loud.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are very materialistic, which is different than being financially secure. You seem more concerned about shopping and spending money, than you are about investments, saving for college tuition, retirement, philanthropy, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're a bit obsessed with labels and name dropping. The constant mentioning of labels (Akris, Alden, Bauer Grunwald, Ralph Lauren, Miele, blah blah blah) is tiresome, and really doesn't have anything to do with whether or not a significant other will fit into your lifestyle. It's just some weird way for you to get across all the things you have and know about, since some of them are less mainstream. Like the comment that you want Akris sometimes, not just always Theory. As if Theory is some cheap low end suit that you have to make due with. Please honey, get over yourself.

I agree. OP is bizarrely obsessed with name-dropping (to strangers on the Internet, wth?), and crass.

Get over yourself, OP.