Anyone wish their wives did more to not look so worn down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if any guys wish their wives were more adventourous, hit the gym, silly, fun, and spirted like when you were dating? Is this the same woman you envisioned marrying? This is a take off the "do you wish your hubby made more money thread"

I think you answered your own question:
Do you "wish you hubby made more money" so that you can stay home and be "more adventourous, hit the gym, silly, fun, and spirted like when you were dating"

[TheManWithAUsername]

Anonymous wrote:DHs aren't smart enough to figure all that out without the marketing pitch?

From reading posts here, I'd say apparently not. Or do they have some reason to doubt that their wives would keep the bargain...?

And apparently, many DWs aren't smart enough to figure out that they're more likely to get what they want by asking for it than by complaining to strangers on message boards. We all need some help, it seems.

[Anonymous]

I initially let myself go post-baby, but ended up hotter than before within a year PP. I started working out, wearing makeup, and shopping for MYSELF. I figured even if I AM worn out, I don't have to look it. I have "me" time because I make it a priority. I was initially called selfish and lazy when I stopped being a martyr, but now I suddenly have a lot more help. Doesn't hurt that he initially thought it was because I was leaving him for another man (his assumption).

[Anonymous]

I think being married to the wrong spouse can make a person (wife or husband) look and feel worn out. Isn't that really the theme of so many of these posts. People feel overburdened, unheard, disrespected, etc. Seems like so many of us are trying to make these relationships work but maybe the issue is that we just got into the wrong relationship. Happiness and fulfillment shine through when things are right - so maybe we should not settle for these unfulfilling relationships. Signed, another worn out, tired-looking, pissed-a-lot-of-the-time wife.

[Anonymous]

I have a feminist and equal partner in marriage, and while I still try to dress nice and look nice, I'm just not as hot as I was before. DH covers for me so I can get to the gym or run, but I still can't get this extra 15 pounds off. He's never said anything about it...he's not that stupid!! But I'm not attracted to my new lumpy body...I wasn't stick thin before, so the extra 15 really bothers me. I'm still trying, but its hard, especially with working, babies and grad school. I think my own self-criticism makes me less flirty in the bedroom because of my self-esteem, for ex. if I'm seen at the "wrong angle" it looks worse and that's all I think about.

[Anonymous]

PP, self-criticism can be a real mood killer. But unless you weigh 300 pounds (and even if you do) you should be able to find some women who weigh more than you do who are still totally self-confident sex-vixens. I am in the same boat as you and am trying hard to get in better shape, but I also try to remember that, most likely, ten years from now I am going to look worse, not better than I do now. And then I will look at my 31-year-old body the same way I now look at my 21-year-old-body and think "Damn I looked good! It's a shame I spent all that time being down on myself instead of enjoying it while I could."

[Anonymous]

The death spiral:

1) have a baby
2) husband is unhelpful. Husband is unwilling to give up child-free lifestyle (his)
3) wife gets REALLY resentful
4) husband loses job. Decides to free-lance, making no money. Refuses to change spending habits however.
5) wife gets REALLY pissed. Wife gets promoted, makes more money, has long commute, and does all the child care.
6) husband begins affair(s)
7) husband delays getting a vasectomy despite his wish to have no more children and wife's urging. Wife gets knocked up.
8)Repeat 1, 2, 3, 5, 6
9) Get divorce

Men need to step up or they will continue to be unhappy with their "worn down" wives. And BTW divorce has been much kinder to me than my formerly foot loose and fancy-free ex.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I look awesome. The fact of the matter is that it's HARD to have little children. Life will improve for everyone once they're in school. Within a few months of my youngest starting school, those 10 pounds that wouldn't budge practically fell off.

Now, it's time for DH to step up to the plate, know what I'm sayin'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Now, it's time for DH to step up to the plate, know what I'm sayin'?

I do know what you're saying. I try to do my part to keep DC beautiful - I lean towards wearing feminine dresses that show off my legs, wear heels, sometimes some clevage to keep my fans on their toes . I am flirtatious. And I would like to see more men out there doing there part to be good eye candy, too. Yesterday I did see some of the men downtown with shirts that were stylish, cute ties (nice color or design, tied well and not thrown together), clothes well fitted, hair placed nicely asking for us to run our fingers through it, walking with pep in their step, etc. - and I appreciated it. Let's keep it sexy in DC this spring, shall we? It's not all on us wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hilarious, OP! As soon as my husband steps up on managing 50% of household and child related duties, along with half of the night time nursing and kid wakeups, I will be right back to my gym going silly fun loving well rested self. Oh, I should probably ask him to pitch in to cover the additional hours I work at my office, too. So sure, once we're on even ground for free time, I'll step up and be more vibrant. Funny enough though, I suspect that if he did share 50% of the workload, he'd be simply exhausted and wouldn't notice how fun and cute I was.

I 2nd all of that! But I would like to add that my husband actually does think he does 50% in the home (true estimates are closer to 20%, which, to be fair to him, are 10X more than 99% of the other dads/husbands we know including those with wives who work full time.

And as long as we are in fantasy land, I would look a lot better now had I not had to take 2 large "body detours" with those 2 pregnancies! I love my young kids, but I did would have been thrilled if he could have been the pregnant one!!!!!

[Anonymous]

TheManWithAUsername wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DHs aren't smart enough to figure all that out without the marketing pitch?

From reading posts here, I'd say apparently not. Or do they have some reason to doubt that their wives would keep the bargain...?

And apparently, many DWs aren't smart enough to figure out that they're more likely to get what they want by asking for it than by complaining to strangers on message boards. We all need some help, it seems.

I've told DH in simple declarative sentences what I need, and also what I want. I've told him when it's been just the two of us, and also in the presence of a marriage counsellor. I get a little of what I want and much of what I need for a little while, then he falls off the wagon. That's why I post here. And I go to the gym 4 times a week, so I don't look that worn down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think being married to the wrong spouse can make a person (wife or husband) look and feel worn out. Isn't that really the theme of so many of these posts. People feel overburdened, unheard, disrespected, etc. Seems like so many of us are trying to make these relationships work but maybe the issue is that we just got into the wrong relationship. Happiness and fulfillment shine through when things are right - so maybe we should not settle for these unfulfilling relationships. Signed, another worn out, tired-looking, pissed-a-lot-of-the-time wife.

I don't know. I kind of think that this is how marriage is - just a whole lot of hard work because even if someone is your perfect perfect match sans kids, the stress of having to live peacefully with 3 or more personalities takes its tool on the individual. But you made a good point too - how do you know someone is the wrong fit?

[Anonymous]

Partnership means just that. It is not code for passive aggressive. Honestly, this area is known for that. If you marry from here, you are just asking for baggage. I know.

[Anonymous]

our kids and marriage are equally wearing us both down. we both look and feel our age, 42. but we get to share the good times and joy equally too. our kids are 5 years apart, so once the younger one catches up and we can afford that cleaning woman every week, we should be good.