Anyone wish their wives did more to not look so worn down

[Anonymous]

Lesson learned - Plow DW as much as possible before kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if any guys wish their wives were more adventourous, hit the gym, silly, fun, and spirted like when you were dating? Is this the same woman you envisioned marrying? This is a take off the "do you wish your hubby made more money thread"

I think my husband would say I am pretty adventurous, silly, fun, and spirited. Certainly not every day. And I'm not the same woman he married almost 25 years ago. He married a 21 year old, carefree college senior. We are both almost 45 years old. Our oldest child will graduate from college this year. We've been married for almost 25 years and have five children. Both of us have grown up and changed. I'm pretty sure that he is glad I have grown and matured over the years.

Having said that, I haven't let myself go. I am the same weight today that I was when I graduated from college. 115 pounds. I still work out. I still run. I still take care of myself. And I have very little sympathy for women who "let themselves go", then complain when their husbands seek the company of women who haven't. I love my husband enough to want look and feel as good as I possible can as I age. And he feels the same way.

I weigh 125 pounds and look great -DH and I have an active s-x life- my husband still cheated on me. No one deserves that. It wasn't about me, it was about him.

[Anonymous]

Are you raising your kids to be as smug and self-righteous as you? There is nothing adventurous, silly, fun nor spirited about you. Bitch.

How has some lucky guy not snatched you up? You sound like an absolute delight.

And if by some chance you married, I wouldn't invest too much in the relationship. Men don't like unattractive, angry women. At least not for very long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Are you raising your kids to be as smug and self-righteous as you? There is nothing adventurous, silly, fun nor spirited about you. Bitch.

How has some lucky guy not snatched you up? You sound like an absolute delight.

And if by some chance you married, I wouldn't invest too much in the relationship. Men don't like unattractive, angry women. At least not for very long.

Must.be.a.Christian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if any guys wish their wives were more adventourous, hit the gym, silly, fun, and spirted like when you were dating? Is this the same woman you envisioned marrying? This is a take off the "do you wish your hubby made more money thread"

I think my husband would say I am pretty adventurous, silly, fun, and spirited. Certainly not every day. And I'm not the same woman he married almost 25 years ago. He married a 21 year old, carefree college senior. We are both almost 45 years old. Our oldest child will graduate from college this year. We've been married for almost 25 years and have five children. Both of us have grown up and changed. I'm pretty sure that he is glad I have grown and matured over the years.

Having said that, I haven't let myself go. I am the same weight today that I was when I graduated from college. 115 pounds. I still work out. I still run. I still take care of myself. And I have very little sympathy for women who "let themselves go", then complain when their husbands seek the company of women who haven't. I love my husband enough to want look and feel as good as I possible can as I age. And he feels the same way.

Are you raising your kids to be as smug and self-righteous as you? There is nothing adventurous, silly, fun nor spirited about you. Bitch.

No reason to go there, PP. She most likely has a husband that has been an equal partner. Many of us do not hve that luxery.
I love my DH. Sure, I'd love to look smokin' hot for him, and he encourages me to find the time to work out. I manage to work out a couple times at work during the week. I am at my pre-preggers weight - but it is certainly distributed differently than before! But I do look worn out because I am worn out. He does not do his *fair share* of work at home. Why not? Because I honestly don't feel like nagging him to do the dishes, are whatever needs to be done. I know he knows how to clean, and he does occasionally. But, for example, he had a 12:00 flight two days ago for a business trip. He got up the same time I did. We got ready. He was too busy to help me get the kids ready. I left at 7:30 with the kids. He didn't leave until 9:30. And there were more dirty dishes piled in the sink when I got home. So during that 2 hours, he didn't bother to take 5 minutes to load the dishwasher, although he did take time to make himself eggs and toast judging by the additional dishes in the sink. And he texted to let me know he got a nice gooey cinnabon at the airport.
I love him, and he has many many wonderful qualities. I'd rather do more than my share of the housework and him be happy, than turn into a nagging bitch that he hates coming home to. But being the fun-loving in-shape woman will have to wait until the kids are old enough to do more for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Wow you sound like my DH, who preaches that older women just look older, whereas older men look 'more distinguished'. I think, OP, that you need to readjust your expectations a little bit and consider the fact that genetics and pregnancy, not sheer laziness, have made our:
hair get thinner
skin get saggier
skin get thinner
boobs get sagfier
butt get saggier
stomach puff out more
muscle mass decrease
bone density decrease
sleep cycle go to hell

I'm sure I'm missing some. And even if we work out, we are still fighting genetics and aging. I won't add on to what PPs have said about their DHs because I don't know what kind of DH you are. And by 'worn down' I'm not sure you're thinking that your wife just let herself go. But I do think that you need to realize that there is nothing we or anyone can do to stop the aging process. It will happen and you should love your wife, and mother of your children, for who she is. I am only 32 but I am becoming very, very aware of these subtle changes, even though I work out, stay the same size since before kids, etc. It is tough enough for us to deal with in the face of celebrities who 'look great!' for their age because of crazy amounts of plastic surgery and botox, and I really think that as a true life partner, you should take a good look at what's bothering you and wonder if it's really just the fact that you're both getting older?

And if it truly is a stress thing, then ask your wife what you can do to make her life easier. And follow through.

[Anonymous]

No. My wife is hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Hah. Tried asking DH if we could split workout nights. Currently, he works out every night while I watch LO and make dinner. This was okay while I was on maternity leave and could work out during the week, but now that I'm back at work, splitting evening workout time seemed to be more fair. He wasn't willing to share, and asked why I couldn't just wake up earlier to fit my workout in. Umm, I already wake up at 5:30 to walk the dog, get LO dressed, fed, ready for daycare, AND do dropoff/pickup so that he can sleep in until 8! Oh, and I work longer hours.

Really? You better change that, you are heading down a bad path. You are already resentful, in 15 years you might be hateful. I am a guy. Guys don't see martyrs. Start splitting the work up and start going to the gym.

I sure he does stuff around the house. So do not make it a you don't do anything around here thing. Pick a low stress time(not right before bed) and both of you write down all the things that need to be done(include gym time for both of you). Then have a work draft-flip a coin, winner picks first, loser picks second until all jobs are assigned. Make a schedule and review it in two weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hah. Tried asking DH if we could split workout nights. Currently, he works out every night while I watch LO and make dinner. This was okay while I was on maternity leave and could work out during the week, but now that I'm back at work, splitting evening workout time seemed to be more fair. He wasn't willing to share, and asked why I couldn't just wake up earlier to fit my workout in. Umm, I already wake up at 5:30 to walk the dog, get LO dressed, fed, ready for daycare, AND do dropoff/pickup so that he can sleep in until 8! Oh, and I work longer hours.

Alright - you have earned the right to blame it on him. Of course, my next question is why you put up with that inequity, assuming it bothers you.

Yeah, that's pretty fucked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hah. Tried asking DH if we could split workout nights. Currently, he works out every night while I watch LO and make dinner. This was okay while I was on maternity leave and could work out during the week, but now that I'm back at work, splitting evening workout time seemed to be more fair. He wasn't willing to share, and asked why I couldn't just wake up earlier to fit my workout in. Umm, I already wake up at 5:30 to walk the dog, get LO dressed, fed, ready for daycare, AND do dropoff/pickup so that he can sleep in until 8! Oh, and I work longer hours.

Alright - you have earned the right to blame it on him. Of course, my next question is why you put up with that inequity, assuming it bothers you.

Yeah, that's pretty fucked up.

But she's already accommodated his 'need' to sleep in until 8am (I'm calling BS on that one) and work out every night. See, it's all about being consistent and setting a precedent. If you don't make things 50/50 all the time, then DH will assume that you're just willing to make him happy and that he makes you happy in other ways (like by his charming presence and when he makes dinner once a month). You need to spell it out to him that no, this is not working, this is how it needs to be, and if it's not, then I will be a miserable hag. DH probably wants to see you happy but you need to be more clear in your actions on how he is supposed to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow you sound like my DH, who preaches that older women just look older, whereas older men look 'more distinguished'. I think, OP, that you need to readjust your expectations a little bit and consider the fact that genetics and pregnancy, not sheer laziness, have made our:
hair get thinner
skin get saggier
skin get thinner
boobs get sagfier
butt get saggier
stomach puff out more
muscle mass decrease
bone density decrease
sleep cycle go to hell

I'm sure I'm missing some. And even if we work out, we are still fighting genetics and aging. I won't add on to what PPs have said about their DHs because I don't know what kind of DH you are. And by 'worn down' I'm not sure you're thinking that your wife just let herself go. But I do think that you need to realize that there is nothing we or anyone can do to stop the aging process. It will happen and you should love your wife, and mother of your children, for who she is. I am only 32 but I am becoming very, very aware of these subtle changes, even though I work out, stay the same size since before kids, etc. It is tough enough for us to deal with in the face of celebrities who 'look great!' for their age because of crazy amounts of plastic surgery and botox, and I really think that as a true life partner, you should take a good look at what's bothering you and wonder if it's really just the fact that you're both getting older?

And if it truly is a stress thing, then ask your wife what you can do to make her life easier. And follow through.

Amen! This is exactly right. Really, I wish more people would learn to embrace the aging process in themselves and their partners.

signed,
45 year old who thanks to regular exercise is STILL a size 2 after three pregnancies but who is aware that I face lots of changes when menopause hits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it always push back on the DH? I'm a wife - I'm all these things, it's a partnership. Maybe your DH will help you, if you help him.

Help him how, exactly?

Try and make an effort to look like the woman you married vs. the pajama wearing thing covered in baby food?

[Anonymous]

I don't think my husband wishes I looked different, but I am sure he wishes I were more happy and funloving. Often when DS goes to sleep, I just want to be alone and read and get mad if DH tries to talk to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it always push back on the DH? I'm a wife - I'm all these things, it's a partnership. Maybe your DH will help you, if you help him.

Help him how, exactly?

Try and make an effort to look like the woman you married vs. the pajama wearing thing covered in baby food?

Ok, I get this line of thinking... Tonight I'll slip on something extra sexy, doll up, get my DH turned on... and say, if you ever want me to look like this again you need to start doing the dishes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I get this line of thinking... Tonight I'll slip on something extra sexy, doll up, get my DH turned on... and say, if you ever want me to look like this again you need to start doing the dishes...

Not sure if this was all sarcasm, but I don't think that's such a bad idea. You might want to approach it with something a little less silly, especially if he isn't likely to have a sense of humor about it.

The more I read threads here, the more I think that couples should have very long negotiations before having kids.