Anyone wish their wives did more to not look so worn down

[Anonymous]

Tell you what, DH. Pay for it, and I'll finally get that cosmetic dentistry done. I'll also keep my mani/pedi fresh and new. And if you'll just allow me to quit that pesky job that takes up so much time, I'd be happy to hit the gym every single day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it always push back on the DH? I'm a wife - I'm all these things, it's a partnership. Maybe your DH will help you, if you help him.

Help him how, exactly?

Try and make an effort to look like the woman you married vs. the pajama wearing thing covered in baby food?

Maybe more husbands want to actually take part in feeding their children and therefore be equally covered in baby food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's weird - I thought this thread was directed toward men...

For all of the women who blame their men for this issue (and there are many more to come in this thread, I'm sure), maybe you should put your money where your mouth is and do something very simple: "Honey, I really want to look and feel better, especially for you, and to improve our sex life. Would you be willing to take care of the kids on [schedule] so that I can work out?"

If he says no, you can go back to blaming it on him.

DHs aren't smart enough to figure all that out without the marketing pitch?

[Anonymous]

"And I have very little sympathy for women who "let themselves go", then complain when their husbands seek the company of women who haven't. I love my husband enough to want look and feel as good as I possible can as I age. And he feels the same way. "

I "let myself go" because I'm working 50 hours every week in addition to raising children. I presume with 5 kids you didn't go to grad school and you SAH for a number of years. I'd look great in that case too.

[Anonymous]

"But she's already accommodated his 'need' to sleep in until 8am (I'm calling BS on that one) and work out every night. See, it's all about being consistent and setting a precedent. If you don't make things 50/50 all the time, then DH will assume that you're just willing to make him happy and that he makes you happy in other ways (like by his charming presence and when he makes dinner once a month). You need to spell it out to him that no, this is not working, this is how it needs to be, and if it's not, then I will be a miserable hag. DH probably wants to see you happy but you need to be more clear in your actions on how he is supposed to do that. "

Heed this advice. I'm a miserable hag to my H just for this very reason. Sux.

[Anonymous]

"And I have very little sympathy for women who "let themselves go", then complain when their husbands seek the company of women who haven't. "

Even your daughter.

[Anonymous]

I look worn out because I am worn out. My husband looks worn out right now, too. Both of us look like the people we married because we got married only 2 years ago! Of course neither of us looks like who we were when we met at age 20: that would be freakishly disturbing and would reflect an eating disorder and/or unnatural obsession with exercise and/or body modification that neither of us would want to be around for very long.

I agree that many people don't have an equal partner or a feminist husband. I have both and didn't realize how unusual that was until we saw the negative attitudes and imbalanced division of labor in the relationships of friends with children. Children really put your values to the test; it's easy to split the household labor when there are only two adults and it only takes a couple of hours on Saturday morning to clean up the house for the week. Ditto with getting free time: the default is free time (for most people) with joint activities or obligations scheduled in.

That old saying about stress bringing out either the best or worst in people is very true, and sadly it seems like the stress of adding children to a relationship brings out the worst (or the sexist default) in a lot of men.

[Anonymous]

I know for a fact DH woudln't want to change the way I look. He never complains but I know that he wishes I had my mojo back. Poor guy. I wish I had energy for fun but we both realize this is just a stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a wife. I wish I didn't look so worn down. I wish I hit the gym more, but I never have time. I wish DH would say, honey, I've totally got this (with the kids) why don't you go? But he's always says "ugh, ok." and gives me this look like i'm inconveniencing him. its passive aggressive.

For serious. He already complains about how tired he is and he doesn't do the middle of the nights the way I do. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol. I first saw the title and thought of the zinger from a couple weeks ago on why do moms look so bad. Don't think we need to rehash it.
But seriously, I agree with what others have posted. I look worn down because I am worn down. I am worn down because I do 90% of the work at home. And when I do try and schedule me time, I get "you're going to miss family time" and the puppy dog look and guilt trip. Not very relaxing now, thank you very much. And I just love the texts about either 1. just how much fun your having without me, wish I was there, or 2. children are crying and whining, wish I was there.

Wow, this makes me appreciative of my DH. And makes me want to look better for him...lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell you what, DH. Pay for it, and I'll finally get that cosmetic dentistry done. I'll also keep my mani/pedi fresh and new. And if you'll just allow me to quit that pesky job that takes up so much time, I'd be happy to hit the gym every single day!

SOLD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look worn out because I am worn out. My husband looks worn out right now, too. Both of us look like the people we married because we got married only 2 years ago! Of course neither of us looks like who we were when we met at age 20: that would be freakishly disturbing and would reflect an eating disorder and/or unnatural obsession with exercise and/or body modification that neither of us would want to be around for very long.

I agree that many people don't have an equal partner or a feminist husband. I have both and didn't realize how unusual that was until we saw the negative attitudes and imbalanced division of labor in the relationships of friends with children. Children really put your values to the test; it's easy to split the household labor when there are only two adults and it only takes a couple of hours on Saturday morning to clean up the house for the week. Ditto with getting free time: the default is free time (for most people) with joint activities or obligations scheduled in.

That old saying about stress bringing out either the best or worst in people is very true, and sadly it seems like the stress of adding children to a relationship brings out the worst (or the sexist default) in a lot of men.

I agree! What's up with all these worthless husbands and trampled-upon wives on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell you what, DH. Pay for it, and I'll finally get that cosmetic dentistry done. I'll also keep my mani/pedi fresh and new. And if you'll just allow me to quit that pesky job that takes up so much time, I'd be happy to hit the gym every single day!

That's my arrangement with my husband. It's worked out quite well for many years now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look worn out because I am worn out. My husband looks worn out right now, too. Both of us look like the people we married because we got married only 2 years ago! Of course neither of us looks like who we were when we met at age 20: that would be freakishly disturbing and would reflect an eating disorder and/or unnatural obsession with exercise and/or body modification that neither of us would want to be around for very long.

I agree that many people don't have an equal partner or a feminist husband. I have both and didn't realize how unusual that was until we saw the negative attitudes and imbalanced division of labor in the relationships of friends with children. Children really put your values to the test; it's easy to split the household labor when there are only two adults and it only takes a couple of hours on Saturday morning to clean up the house for the week. Ditto with getting free time: the default is free time (for most people) with joint activities or obligations scheduled in.

That old saying about stress bringing out either the best or worst in people is very true, and sadly it seems like the stress of adding children to a relationship brings out the worst (or the sexist default) in a lot of men.

I agree! What's up with all these worthless husbands and trampled-upon wives on DCUM?

You can't have it all. And if you want a feminist husband, you get what you get.

[Anonymous]

I have "let myself go," but thankfully I married a prince who recognizes the sacrifices I have made for our family and loves me regardless of how I look, especially since he married me for other than just for my looks. He also knows that I'll "bring myself back" once things settle down.