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New relationship- unexpected pregnancy at 38- seeking advice/support
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Anonymous
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Wow, OP, what a great response from your BF! That is wonderful. So happy for you! You are handling this really well...and, Congrats!!
As for handling the balance required in the first trimester, frankly, I've found there is just not that much you can do other than try and relax, do the things that help you relax (yoga, exercise, reading, baths, whatever), and accept that what will be will be. If there is a developmental problem with the embryo, it may miscarriage, and for, for lack of better phrase, "good reason" b/c it the baby would not, ultimately, be viable or healthy. I had my first at 36 and my am now 32 weeks pregnant with my 2nd at 38, and there was not much more I could do as those first 12 "what if" weeks rolled on than let them roll on and be matter of fact about the odds and the reasons for miscarriage when it does happen. If it does, for you (and it most likely won't--the odds are still in your favor, and brown spotting is not uncommon in the early weeks), than try and take comfort in the fact that the pregnancy just wasn't viable, but it's not your fault, and the next one will, most likely, be just fine. Not sure that's much help, sorry, but in all honesty, the first 12 weeks are full of some nail-biting and then it gets a lot better and you can exhale a bit. Also, another recommendation for Whitney and Laura at GW. They are my midwives and are great. I delivered my first with the DC Birth Center midwives (at Washington Hospital Center) and the midwives there are also wonderful, though the weekly visits to the Birth Center itself can be frenetic, and WHC was okay but not fantastic. I wanted something a more mellow experience, and a bit more "cushy" hospital, the 2nd time around. Again, GL, and CONGRATULATIONS!! |
Anonymous
| Awesome! Sure hope everything continues to work out for you! |
Anonymous
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OP, he sounds like a keeper, mature and lovely. I was going to say "go for it" even if he wasn't supportive, but all the better.
Good luck with the spotting. It happened to me twice early on. First time was a miscarriage, second time was our beautiful, healthy son. and fwiw, I was unexpectedly pregnant at 38, right before we got married (we were already engaged, so I went off the pill, figuring it would take a while. Took 2 minutes). If for some reason the pregnancy is not viable, you've been through something powerful and intimate together. Hopefully it will continue to strengthen your relationship and you can decide to plan for the next time. |
Anonymous
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Congratulations on the boyfriend news! So happy that you're getting support from where it matters the most.
And strangely, now that that element of mystery is somewhat resolved, you can start to stress out about all the normal early pregnancy issues. Just like you've said, its hard during the early weeks to balance out your excitement with a tempered realism about possibly losing the pregnancy. For me, those weeks went by very slowly! My advice is to try not to let the pregnancy take up all your attention. Plan social things, see movies, pursue your regular interests as much as possible. The more time you spend looking up statistics on miscarriage, checking to see what your fetus looks like at 5 weeks, 4 days, etc., the more agonizing the first 12 weeks can be. You don't have much control over what is happening in there. Just take good care of yourself, eat good food, and have some fun. |
Anonymous
I'm one of the pp who got pregnant, before my boyfriend (now husband) and I became sexual active we had a discussion about HIV. Because we ARE in our late 30s and not our 20s, we are realistic about the risks. You are judging with your comment.. We used the pill, we discussed past partners, we discussed HIV, and we got pregnant. |
Anonymous
| OP -- how are you today? |
Anonymous
OP, sounds like you have yourself a real winner there!!  congrats, and i echo what the PPs (previous posters) have said about relaxing during the first trimester ... there's really nothing you can do if something were to go wrong, and unfortunately no window into your uterus, so just try to relax, do some prenatal yoga, and bond with your partner. i am also a huge fan of acupuncture. this is my 2nd pregnancy, i have had weekly acupuncture and i cannot even begin to tell you how much better i feel both physically and mentally with this pregnancy. i will be happy to recommend my practitioner if you're interested.
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Anonymous
| OP, it's been a few days... any update? Hope you are doing well. |
Anonymous
| OP, are you still there? |
Anonymous
| I've been wondering how you're doing too?? |
Anonymous
| Also curious! Hoping lots of blessings for you! |
Anonymous
| Congratulations OP. Mine did not work out so well but the baby is not yet here so it might take some time. It is wonderful to hear that your BF took everything well and from the date of your last response, it sounds like life is going well. Congrats again. |
Anonymous
| Really hoping for an update. |
Anonymous
| any update? |
Anonymous
| PEOPLE! She is NOT coming back! She likely had a miscarriage. Drop it already!!! |