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Expectant and Postpartum Moms
New relationship- unexpected pregnancy at 38- seeking advice/support
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Anonymous
| OP, before you tell anyone anything, you need to be sure about what YOU want to do and that your decision will remain the same regardless of what the boyfriend says/does. That is pretty much how I handled my situation with DH...married in March and I got pregnant in July...which was WAAAAAY ahead of our plans...but I was sure I would keep it, despite what he said, and I knew if it was not what he wanted, I would be ok regardless. You have the advantage of being older and thus wiser...not like a 16 or 21 year old! Once you know what YOU want, everything else will fall in place. Congratulations! |
Anonymous
| Myself included I know of about 3 women in the past few years have been in the same situation. All of us are in our late 30's and were not planning on having a baby in these early relationships. But today we all have amazing children. Only one was with a man who completely bailed and even she is having a great time being a mom. |
Anonymous
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You all are amazing! I'm so thankful that I got wind of the site and posted my situation.
I'm going to speak to said wonderful boyfriend tomorrow, as artfully as possible, listen, and hope for the best. He is very likely to be sweet and supportive whatever ends up happening to us as a couple. After I know how he's reacting, I'll be able to wrap my brain around this a little more and move on to other questiions, decisions, planning... I'm sure you'll be hearing from me again here! |
Anonymous
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About midwives - the very best in this area:
Birthcare (www.birthcare.org) - a free-standing birth center which offers both home and birth center births Special Beginnings (www.specialbeginnings.com) - a free-standing birth center which offers both birth center and hospital births (the best of both worlds!) Whitney Pinger at GW hospital - a great midwifery practice which offers a slightly more medicalized, in-hospital approach All three of these practices have information nights, and since Birthcare and Whitney Pinger fill up VERY fast, you could start going to these right away. Online messageboard: www.mothering.com/community Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck talking with your boyfriend! The quicker that first conversation is behind you, the easier it will be to move forward with enjoying your pregnancy. |
Anonymous
| I had a very similar experience. My then boyfriend (now husband) took it well at first. I told him very calmly before I really knew what i wanted to do. I agree you should not wait too long to tell him. It took a while to sink in and weeks later my boyfriend waivered. He was really freaked out (as was I). We saw a couples counselor, which helped. I contemplated having an abortion. I think he did as well. But today I cannot imagine life without our amazing child -- who brings us both such happiness. Parenthood has only brought us closer together. I never imagined I'd be pregnant at my wedding, but I was and there certainly are worse things, like never being able to have a child if that's what you ultimately want. So many of my friends have been trying for years to get pregnant. I applaud women who have the courage to go forward and have a child on their own. It was a scary prospect when I explored that possibility, not knowing how my boyfriend would react. But motherhood is such an unparalleled and incredible experience, I urge you to do it with or without him. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Sincere congrats, OP! It will work out one way or another. I was the "support person" for my best friend when this happened to her. I think it's not uncommon. She contemplated abortion very early but quickly decided not to. If for no other reason, this was her last chance for kids. She was in a different situation in that she had pretty much decided to break up with the guy right before she found out she was pregnant. When she revealed the pregnancy, he was in shock and needed time to "decide what to do". She was understanding and let him know that regardless of what he decided, she was definitely going forward and it was up to him to decide how much he wanted to be involved. She was prepared for anything, including him deciding not to want to be involved at all and just drop out of the situation. Within a few weeks he was really excited and happy about it all. They stuck through together during the pregnany but by the birth knew they would not be together romantically. They coparent, the child is now 2, and everything has been fine. They keep open communication and they worked out a legal agreement right after the birth. |
Anonymous
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Congratulations!
Not quite the same as getting pregnant, but I remember when my boyfriend (now husband) and I rented a house together when we'd only known each other for 3 months. Sometimes you just know that a relationship is solid. I hope you have some of that same feeling. Its probably already done, but I agree with the previous posters who suggest telling your boyfriend right away. It seems like the more close and loving approach. The two of you can then go through all these emotional ups and downs together. Some of this info on midwives has already been posted, but I'm copy and pasting this from Susan Messina's website. Susan has other good resources also. I am a patient with Whitney Pinger's group of midwives at GW and plan to deliver my second child with Whitney (or one of the 2 others in her group) in March. Very happy with the care. http://www.susanmessina.com/midwives.html Washington, DC The Family Health & Birth Center (formerly the District of Columbia Birth Center) - a freestanding birth center staffed by midwives. continuity of care is assured through the services of certified nurse-midwives (CNMs) and pediatric nurse-practitioners (PNPs). CNMs provide prenatal, labor and delivery, postpartum, and gynecological services, attending births at the Center and at Washington Hospital Center, where they have a consulting relationship with the OB/GYN Staff. Hours for appointments are M-F, 9-5 PM. 801 17th St NE, Washington, DC. (202) 398-5520. M.A.M.A.S (Metro Area Midwives & Allied Services. Midwives Mairi Breen Rothman, CNM and Erin Fulham, CNM, provide home birth services in the District of Columbia. For more informaton, call 301-674-9976 (Mairi) or 301-412-8800 (Erin). WISDOM Midwifery at The George Washington University Medical Faculty Associates. 202-741-2500 or midwife@mfa.gwu.edu This practice has three midwives: founder Whitney Pinger, CNM as well as Laura Emmons CNM and Erika Pineles-Mark CNM. Many of my clients have chosen to work with Whitney. Maryland Midwifery Care Associates. Although they no longer offer out-of-hospital births, they do provide excellent midwifery care in the hospital setting at Shady Grove Adventist Hospital in Rockville, MD. Their new offices (as of 12/08) are at 11301 Rockville Pike, 3rd Level North Bethesda, MD 20895. You can also schedule appointments in their Frederick office: 77 Thomas Johnson Drive, Suite H, Frederick, MD 21702. Dimensions OB/GYN Associates: A Women's Practice of Physicians and Midwives. Located in Prince George's County. Two offices: Glenridge Office (7582 Annapolis Rd., Lanham, MD. 301-618-1550) and Suitland Office (5408 Silver Hill Road, Forestville, MD. 301-735-7503). Deliveries are at Prince George's Hospital in Cheverly, MD. Bay Area Midwifery Center. A freestanding birth center located in Anne Arundel County, adjacent to Anne Arundel Medical Center. A full scope midwifery practice offering well-woman care, family planning, preconception counseling, and prenatal care to low-risk pregnant women. Staffed by four certified nurse midwives, Bay Area offers birth center births and hospital births at Anne Arundel Medical Center. 410-573-1094. Virginia BirthCare. A service of certified nurse-midwives located in Alexandria, Virginia. They serve families giving birth outside the hospital. They attend home births in Maryland, D.C. and Virginia within a 45-mile radius of Washington, D.C. They also attend births at their nationally accredited birth center in Old Town Alexandria for women and families who prefer a birth center experience. Clients have come to us from as far away as Winchester, Warrenton, Ellicott City, Gaithersburg, and Southern Maryland. In addition to their birth services, they also work with women seeking personalized gynecologic care, and family planning. 1501 King St. Alexandria, VA. 703-549-5070. Loudoun Community Midwives. Offers gynecology, prenatal care, obstetrics, and births attended with full-time nurse midwifery support and obstetrician backup. All births take place at Loudoun Hospital Center's Birthing Inn, a beautiful new facility in Leesburg, Virginia. 44055 Riverside Parkway, Suite 208, Leesburg, VA 20176. 703-726-1300 The Physician and Midwife Collaborative Practice. Kenmore Office: 4660 Kenmore Ave., Suite 902, Alexandria, VA 22304. 703.370.430. Sherwood Hall Office: 2616 Sherwood Hall Lane Suite 208, Alexandria, VA 22306. 703.780.6900. Lake Ridge Office: 12508 Lake Ridge Dr., Lake Ridge, VA 22192. 703.491.1122 |
Anonymous
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OP, just want to chime in with "Congrats" and "You can do it"s.
I'm not a big believer in a higher plan, or even fate, but rather biology...you got pregnant with this guy b/c your body was ready and you and he are a good match in at least one way! (To others, this statement does not imply the converse-- that those who do not conceive accidentally or easily are somehow unmatched.) Good for you and best of luck! |
Anonymous
Oh yeah, and don't forget to update us with what happened! |
Anonymous
| OP, I also wanted to say congrats to you. Listen, you sound like a sensible, intelligent, and stable woman. You can do this, irrespective of what the outcome is w/ our BF. And I have no reason to believe (based on what you said), that he WON'T be supportive. Best of luck. This is a great thing. |
Anonymous
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Oh my goodness- thank you so much for all this great information and even more amazing support and encouragement! I have an e-mail in to Whitney Pinger, which is apparently the way she takes referrals. If the woman who said she's working with her has any better contact information or info on how to start there, please let me know.
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Anonymous
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I am the PP who is working with Whitney Pinger. I think you're right to send an email to midwife@mfa.gwu.edu
More info and other contact info can be found at: http://www.gwdocs.com/obgyn-obstetrics-gynecology/whitney-pinger I think she's very busy in her practice and is in high demand, so good that you're contacting her early on. Her team includes 2 other midwives, Laura and Erika, and I like both of them very much also. For more opinions on Whitney (or just about anything relating to pregnancy) you can do a search on this forum to see what others have to say. |
Anonymous
more congrats, OP, you sound like you're going to be a great mom. 
if you're in virginia, i would highly recommend looking at the physicians and midwives practice, if you don't get in to see whitney (who is amazing by the way). as far as online support, i would check out this forum (obviously!), thebump.com, and twoweekwait.com (my personal fave). stay away from babycenter's forums, they are crazy over there!! you may also want to check out mothering.com since you seem to already have a more natural parenting bent to you. |
Anonymous
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Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I'm also not certain about a higher plan, but perhaps I've just been so preoccupied for so long about finding the right guy and being able to have kids before it's too late that it's all been thrown at me a bit out of order. I appreciate the universe's kind attempts to humor me, and yours too. |
Anonymous
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