Leaving 16-month old for 9 days?

[Anonymous]

It is healthy for children to learn that mommy and daddy go away but always come back. Sounds like a great trip - go.

Years ago when DS was 19-20 months old, we relocated from CA to the DC area. DH had to come first, so DS and I were in CA dealing with wrapping up my job, arranging the movers, etc. I flew east with DS to house hunt for a week - and then we drove him to his grandma's (my MIL) and left him and I flew back for the last two weeks. Why? There was too much going on with the move, I needed to be able to deal with car carriers, movers, on the phone with a realtor in DC, and finish up my work and I alone was not able to do it all with a toddler. Wrapped it up, flew back to pick up DS and move into temporary quarters - it was fine. Grandma spoiled him rotten, he loved grandma's dog, he got to ride a train (a very big deal to him at the time) - in short he adjusted and did just fine. Everything was in such upheaval in our lives (we lived in 4 residences in 6 months as we sold our CA house, I had to rent for 4 weeks, moved east and were in temp housing for 6 weeks until our home closing) that this was just one more change in a series at the time.

I think in general most children are adaptable as long as they don't pick up on fear and ambivilance from their moms and dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don' t think that is mommy/parent martyrdom. Once you decide to have a family, to me, you should want to do things as a family. You give up the life you had a single, or as a married couple before kids. The doesn't mean you give up all fun. I'm all for romantic getaway weekends to keep a marriage going. I'm all for girls' weekends or guys' weekends. I've done both (meaning a weekend here or there with DH and a girls' weekend away), and had a great time. But by the end of the weekend, I wanted to be back with my munchkins. I'm perfectly happy making our longer vacations kid-friendly. Before you know it, they will be old enough to go on the white water rafting and skiing trips and you are back to vacationing the way you remember (and you get to relive your childhood in the meantime). I guess somebody had to be a critic...

Well, to each his or her own, our differences are what makes the world go round. I don't believe mommydom means I give up all me for the unit - I honestly don't. Our children are a hugely important part of our universe, but my world does not start and stop with them. I don't care if DH works, honestly in 18 year of childrearing will 9 nights here or there really matter? What about all the moms or dads who travel professionally - are they messing up their kids by their absences too? I honestly believe you can do things with your children as a family AND do things independent of your children, with your spouse or friends.

OP - have the time of your life!

[Anonymous]

Love the previous post! I'm the one leaving for two weeks for Italy next spring - I can't wait for when baby gets old enough so that we can go on kid friendly vacations, but at 12 months, I'm pretty sure she'll be much happier staying at home with doting grandparents who will keep her on a regular nap schedule, etc.

And like PP, when she is old enough to go away with us, there will always be plenty of adult-only vacations and get aways, in addition to vacations with her. It's just what makes US a healthy family.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should go on trip, if you feel comfortable doing so. I have done this many times wtih my DD since she was an infant. We started with shorter trips though, and she always stayed with the same grandparents. She is now 5, and visiting her grandparents for 11 days by herself (longest trip alone for her so far). She understands that the trip is temporary, and she loves spending time with her grandparents, who spoil her like no one else does. We miss her, but she seems perfectly happy! It's win-win-win for all.

[Anonymous]

My parents took trips like that every year when we were little. We were left in good hands, and are completely unscarred from the experience. As a bonus, we ended up really close with the grand parents that always took care of us during those weeks.

[Anonymous]

I left my 11month old baby to go to Italy. A once in a lifetime oportunity. I was gone for 9 days and when I got back she was tramatized. She acted like I was a gost. I would never do that again. She was back to normal in two days.

[Anonymous]

2/11-- this post is more than a year old. Did you realize that before resurrecting it?

Let's let it die now. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go with such a young child.

The vacation sounds like an amazing opportunity, not so unlike one that came my way a while back. In the end I knew it would be too hard on my DS. Also I knew I would be worried the entire time since I would be so far away(in my case SE Asia).
Also, at that age 15/16 mos my DS was into EVERYTHING he could find and although my parents are amazing with him they weren't always as careful as my husband and I are(since they don't live with a toddler all the time) and can sometimes forget and leave a knife a bit too close to the edge of a counter, for instance. We had a weekend away when DS was 20 mos and it was fantastic. DS wasn't in a sep anxiety stage then so he had a wonderful busy weekend with my parents and didn't seem too bothered by the fact we were gone.

I know I'll be able to *really* travel again once DS is a bit older but when he's so little I see this time as time to be close to him, so we're sticking to a 3 night max rule for the next few years.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

I'm PP:

ha! i just read the PP's post about the date of the OP post.
yes, who cares. let's let it die.

[Anonymous]

My brother did it with a 14 mo child and he did fine with his grandparents. I think if you can get through the first day the rest are all the same. Since you already know he likes staying with them, I think you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Oops. I didn't see the end of the thread. Hmmm....

Well, OP, how did that trip go and how is your 2 1/2 year-old? Post the photos!

[Anonymous]

You'd be surprised how quickly toddlers "get over it". They do have more of a perception ability/object permanence than newborns, but if you're out of sight, you're pretty much out of mind.

The hardest part will be physically getting out the door. If you make a big deal you'll only fuel separation anxiety (for both of you).

Go and enjoy your vacations. Moms and dads go on business trips, vacations, etc. all the time and both their children and themselves live to tell about it.