Leaving 16-month old for 9 days?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are considering going on a 9-day vacation and leaving our daughter with my parents at our house. She is 1 year old now and will be 16 months at the time of the vacation (April). I am a SAHM so I'm not accustomed to leaving her for more than a few hours on a Saturday night with a babysitter or for an afternoon with my husband. We've left her for a few nights with both my parents and my husband's parents and it was perfectly fine, but not since she was 10 months old. I'm just wondering how much will change in 6 months in this regard. I really want to go on this vacation, but when I think of leaving her for 9 days I get so sad. I'm not so much worried that something will happen to her (my parents are extremely capable of taking care of her) but that she will think we've left her and aren't coming back, or will miss us and misbehave terribly for my parents. How much does a 16-month old know about separation or the concept that Mommy and Daddy didn't leave for good, they're on a trip and will be back? She is not an overly clingy child now (i.e. - she doesn't need me around all the time and plays for a good amount of time independently). She is just starting to pull on my pants legs if I'm not paying attention to her and reach her arms up to be picked up. We don't have any trouble leaving her with a sitter, but I have NO idea how how she'll be 4 months from now.

I would love to hear other people's experiences with type of thing. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I understand how you feel. I had to leave my son for 10 days for work to go to India when he was 15 months old. But my husband was there with him so its a bit different. At this age they really don't understand time and when I returned he was just fine and we picked up like I had never left.

However, for vacations, my husband and I have left for three vacations alone (we try to go once a year), and I just think that the longest I am comfortable with both of us gone is 4 days/3 nights. You should do what feels right to you. Since I already am away from home for work 2-4 nights a month, I just felt like I didn't want to leave him again for more than 3 nights. I can imagine that it will be very hard for both you and your child if you are rarely apart.

Can you try a weekend away first to see how it goes? Kind of a test run???

[Anonymous]

Wow, that really is a long time. Is there any reason you need to go for that long? I agree with the PP, we also have a 4 day, 3 night rule as my parents had with my brother and me growing up. 9 days will likely seem like an eternity to both you and your daughter. I think it varies greatly child to child with whether or not they know you're coming home, but we didn't feel that either of our kids understood the concept until about 2.5-3, when we could call them on the phone and explain we would be home to see them. But if you think it's worth it then go, I'm sure no permanent damage will be done

[Anonymous]

My husband and I recently went on our first vacation since our son was born. He was just under 15 months old, and we were gone 5 days/nights. We actually brought him to my parents house to stay (they don't live in this area). Anyway I was really nervous and stressed about leaving him, and I missed him a lot during the trip, but overall he really did fine. I was afraid he would cry a lot, wake up crying in the middle of the night, or not eat well, but he actually slept and ate BETTER for my parents than he does for me! My parents kept him busy with visitors and fun activities, and my mom was great about sticking to his usual routines (i am seriously anal about that stuff and had written everything down-- pages and pages worth!) so I think that made it easier on him.

Hope that helps you feel better OP!

[Anonymous]

I also have had to leave my son for various reasons: work, vacation....and my MIL was great. However, once DS started toddling around it was harder on her physically. Keep in mind a 16 month old will likely be a newish walker. Before MIL liked to watch at our home and now she says the steps, etc or too hard on her with running after DS. Now she likes to watch him at home. Of course, that makes me nervous as her place isn't babyproofed.

I think if it were me, I'd just see how things are going. We rarely book vacations more than a few weeks out!

[Anonymous]

Children in that age bracket are often experiencing separation anxiety, so developmentally it might not be the best time for such a long separation. I'd echo a previous poster and ask if you need to be gone for such a long time. Would a 4- or 5-night trip meet your needs?

[Anonymous]

We took our first vacation away from our son when he was 21 months. We had done two one night aways previously but that was it. Like you I am a SAHM so I was really worried how both he and I would do. My husband has to travel regularly so it wasn't quite as hard on him.

We were celebrating a big anniversary and originally were going to go to Europe but decided that to make it worth our while we would need to go for about 10 days and we just couldn't justify being gone for that long. We also didn't like the fact that if something went wrong it might be harder to communicate with my folks, catch a flight back, etc.

In the end we went away for 6 nights within the continental US. My parents are about 2 1/2 hours away and we took him to their house and flew from there. We called every day, which probably was unnecessary but I think it made it easier to know what he had done each day, had to eat, how he napped, etc.

My son did very well and so did I. I definitely say go but as PP's have mentioned maybe cut it in half for your first get away.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- well, now I'm really having some serious reservations after reading everyone's posts. The trip we want to take is to Argentina with some very good friends who are basically planning the whole trip, all we need to do is book our plane tickets (which are now on hold until 12/24). Believe me, if Buenos Aires were closer, I'd make it a 5-day trip, not a 9 day trip, but it takes a full 24 hours to get there and another to get back, so really not worth it for less time than planned. And this is also not a trip we can book just a few weeks out as one PP suggested. Part of me feels very selfish for wanting to go, and another part of me thinks my husband and I really deserve it. We haven't had a true "vacation" since our honeymoom almost 5 years ago (not including long weekends and trips to visit family). We went through a really hard time gettting pregnant with our daughter and had to cancel many trips due to IVF scheduling, so in a way the trip is long overdue. Ok, so now I'm justifying AND I'm still really torn--UGH......

[Anonymous]

Go! Have fun - you deserve it! 5 years from now no one's going to remember you were gone for 9 days. Sounds like your parents are great - I'm sure it will be fine.

[Anonymous]

You don't sound comfortable with it, so don't go. Why book an expensive and taxing trip that you might end up not enjoying? Take a shorter trip on your own, something that won't cause you to second-guess yourself.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I have a different perspective as a PT working mom (i.e., already am missing time with my kids)...but I can't imagine taking a real vacation without my kids! A weekend getaway...definitely. But not a real vacation. Sure, that means I am resigned to Disney, camping, beach vacations for a few years. But in my mind, vacations are family time. Will the baby do fine? Probably. Even she has separation anxiety, I would be willing to bet she gets over it within the first few hours. But make sure you think about whether YOU will be able to enjoy yourself for 9 days away from her. I spent three days away from my son when he was 8 months old, and practically had a heart attack when my flight was almost cancelled on the way back because I was so ready to be home.

[Anonymous]

I'd wait until she's older (3 or 4) and can understand where you are and when you'll be back. I know it is a drag, but that is a huge amount of time to be away from such a young child and Argentina is not the easiest place to get back from in case of an emergency. Unfortunately, long weekends seem to be the definition of vacations for parents of infants and toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Your child will be getting to spend quality time with the grandparents and getting to know them, which is great. I agree with the poster two above, you should go if you want to go and not worry about being away for that long. Your child will not even remember this at all and will be having a great time being spoiled by the grandparents. I think there is way too much guilt, verging on mommy martyrdom on this site sometimes without recognizing that we as moms deserve to do things that we want to do sometimes. (and, by the way, it is very common for fathers to travel repeatedly for long periods of time for work and no one seems to think that there will be horrible damage done to the children or that they will think he is never coming back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- well, now I'm really having some serious reservations after reading everyone's posts. The trip we want to take is to Argentina with some very good friends who are basically planning the whole trip, all we need to do is book our plane tickets (which are now on hold until 12/24). Believe me, if Buenos Aires were closer, I'd make it a 5-day trip, not a 9 day trip, but it takes a full 24 hours to get there and another to get back, so really not worth it for less time than planned. And this is also not a trip we can book just a few weeks out as one PP suggested. Part of me feels very selfish for wanting to go, and another part of me thinks my husband and I really deserve it. We haven't had a true "vacation" since our honeymoom almost 5 years ago (not including long weekends and trips to visit family). We went through a really hard time gettting pregnant with our daughter and had to cancel many trips due to IVF scheduling, so in a way the trip is long overdue. Ok, so now I'm justifying AND I'm still really torn--UGH......

I think you answered your own question. You said it takes 24 hours to get there and back? I can't imagine you would want to spend a full day not able to reach your daughter in case of (god forbid) any emergency. Maybe that is the perspective you need to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your child will be getting to spend quality time with the grandparents and getting to know them, which is great. I agree with the poster two above, you should go if you want to go and not worry about being away for that long. Your child will not even remember this at all and will be having a great time being spoiled by the grandparents. I think there is way too much guilt, verging on mommy martyrdom on this site sometimes without recognizing that we as moms deserve to do things that we want to do sometimes. (and, by the way, it is very common for fathers to travel repeatedly for long periods of time for work and no one seems to think that there will be horrible damage done to the children or that they will think he is never coming back.

I think the critical difference here is that both parents are leaving. Also, the OP's ambivalence suggests that she WILL worry--so why go?