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Year-old son not invited to Uncle's wedding (LONG)
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Anonymous
DUDE -- did you actually read her post? She essentially said that people make a huge deal out of what is basically a party and then do not focus on the important part, which is nurturing and supporting the MARRIAGE by welcoming the new person warmly into the family. Her attitude is the OPPOSITE of what contributes to the high rate of divorce. The MeMeMeMeME-ness of some folks while planning their weddings is a more likely factor in the high divorce rate I'd bet. (I don't put the BIL in this camp by the way -- I think he just doesn't fully get the impact and he's actually trying to be accommodating.) |
Anonymous
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To PP: Thanks for that. I'm the "its only a wedding" poster. God only knows how my attitude contributes to divorce - it isn't like I skipped my own wedding.
To OP: You are offering quite a bit already, and being a very good relative. Your family will get over this. If I have any advice to offer (and I've been in your shoes), it would be to stick to your guns in a loving and friendly way. Don't engage in pettiness. The new in-law, she probably couldn't care if you are at the rehearsal dinner or not (and she doesn't need to). She will remember how kind you are to her over the next year as she negotiates her way through the "new family minefield" - especially if you stand up for her when others in the family disapprove of her choices (and they eventually will). |
Anonymous
You had me until... "Sure, it hurts that not only is our son not asked to play a part in the wedding (yes, he's a little young but he is the only nephew/grandson in the entire family) but he is also being asked not to attend anything" I think you still don't get it (and honestly I didn't really until I had more than one child) - no one[u] thinks your child should be involved in everything except you. It's your role as a parent to be constantly overjoyed and estatic with your delightful child, not others. If you expect family/friends/godparents/etc to not be as excited as you to be with your child, you are in for a world of disappointment. The quicker you realize this the better. I look back to when my first DC was an infant and I feel embarrased how I sometimes imposed her on people and situations because well she was just so cute! But in reality she was just so cute to me and that should been enough. |
Anonymous
Just leave OP alone. God, this is the meanest thread ever. |
Anonymous
| I just don't get the adult only wedding stance. I've been to weddings with kids and without them and never noticed a difference either way. If its OK for Aunt Millie to get completely drunk, dress your friends up on taffetta creations that are fire hazards, spend a zillion dollars on what basically is a bunch of chairs outside, some tables with flowers, and so so food, what on earth could a few toddlers do to ruin it? |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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PP, there were two main reasons that I did not want children at my wedding --
1. The worship service of the wedding itself was very important to me. I wanted it to be appropriately reverent. To that end, our Protestant ceremony was a little bit longer than some. Babies and toddlers, through no fault of their own, aren't always quiet or still and I didn't want to risk a disruption, even knowing that their parents would take them out of the church if they cried/talked/squirmed. That wasn't enough for me. 2. We had a formal evening wedding. The wedding itself didn't start until 7; why should small children be invited to an event that would carry on well into their bedtime (and for many, start not long before their bedtime)? I just did not feel (and still don't) that a formal evening wedding was a place for babies or toddlers. There are plenty of events that are appropriately adults-only -- would you take your child uninvited to a friend's lelegant dinner party? Would you take your child to eat at 8 p.m. at a fancy restaurant? Would you take an infant to a Broadway show? A serious and dramatic Friday night movie? I wouldn't, and I would probably frown on others doing so. Bottom line -- I posted earlier, but basically, I think it's simple. BIL has the right to have an adults-only reception. Our OP likewise has the right to make the arrangements she sees fit because of that. It's not that complicated on either side. Everyone just does the best they can. |
Anonymous
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Personally, I think the child of the brother of the groom is exempt from being banned from the wedding. No one is going to give the couple grief for allowing their young nephew to attend and not their own children.
OP- Good luck and do what you think is best for your family. 
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Anonymous
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In all fairness, the BIL did give alternative options for babysitting (i.e the hotel) although not ideal and not preferred, but it was still an option. The fact that you don't care for the hotel babysitter (I don't blame you, I wouldn't either) is your problem though - not to be blunt.
As for family members giving you grief over not flying down in time for the reh. dinner - they'll get over it. They'll probably forgot about you anyways since people are so gaga over the soon to be husband and wife. |
Anonymous
| I went to a great destination wedding where the bride and groom, being mindful that some parents might not want to leave their kids behind, set aside a room at the hotel just for the kids that was about a minute's walk from where the adults were. They paid for several babysitters and provided toys and food for the children. I thought it was a great idea. They did not however, bar the kids from the adult event either but most parents took advantage of the nearby babysitters. |