Expensive out-of-town concert—how to help teen handle disappointment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Your daughter will have to deal. If you want, you can lay out exactly how much it would cost so she can see the actual $$$.

I’ve spent money on concerts for my kid. The biggest one was a 4hr drive away where we did get a hotel because I didn’t want to drive home afterwards. It probably cost around $1500 all in for four of us plus pet boarding. It was a Christmas present. Also, it was at the same time Taylor Swift was doing her eras tour. I told my kids that we do not have Taylor’s swift money and they understood. Some of their friends were spending thousands to see her, some even flying to Europe to do so.

Flying to Europe was cheaper than seeing her in the States. They have laws that limit the amount of resale profit that can be made and some venues had identification requirements So 1) since there was less profit to be made, there were less bots buying the tickets and 2) since there was less profit to be made, the tickets were less expensive even on the secondary market.

Just because it was cheaper does not mean it did not cost thousands to fly to Europe to see Taylor Swift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. She's being unbelievably entitled, and unrealisitc. When my daughter (now 28), was that age, she'd know I'd give her a tight slap, if she acted like a brat about this.

Wow! Did you really slap your child?!

Yes, I did.

I hope you’re a troll, but if you aren’t, does your DD still speak to you?

We're very close. We're best friends. We talk every day. She tells me everything.

It sounds like she has Stockholm syndrome.

Just because she isn’t doing the whole Gen Z/Millennial thing of cutting off her parents and calling them “narcissistic” doesn’t mean she has Stockholm syndrome. She was raised with discipline and plans to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Your daughter will have to deal. If you want, you can lay out exactly how much it would cost so she can see the actual $$$.

I’ve spent money on concerts for my kid. The biggest one was a 4hr drive away where we did get a hotel because I didn’t want to drive home afterwards. It probably cost around $1500 all in for four of us plus pet boarding. It was a Christmas present. Also, it was at the same time Taylor Swift was doing her eras tour. I told my kids that we do not have Taylor’s swift money and they understood. Some of their friends were spending thousands to see her, some even flying to Europe to do so.

Flying to Europe was cheaper than seeing her in the States. They have laws that limit the amount of resale profit that can be made and some venues had identification requirements So 1) since there was less profit to be made, there were less bots buying the tickets and 2) since there was less profit to be made, the tickets were less expensive even on the secondary market.

Right, but flights plus hotel on top of tickets would not have been less than getting tickets to a local show. It would have only made sense if you were making the trip a vacation, otherwise the expense is was definitely greater.

[Anonymous]

This was MOST parents of teenage girl during the Eras Tour. And social media was brutal.

[Anonymous]

You write down all the expenses, hand her the total number and have her look at it. Also tell her a parent can't take off right now to do this, even if you had they money.

She can start saving now in order to attend the next more local concert. Yes, her life is going to be temporarily ruined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. She's being unbelievably entitled, and unrealisitc. When my daughter (now 28), was that age, she'd know I'd give her a tight slap, if she acted like a brat about this.

Wow! Did you really slap your child?!

Yes, I did.

I hope you’re a troll, but if you aren’t, does your DD still speak to you?

We're very close. We're best friends. We talk every day. She tells me everything.

It sounds like she has Stockholm syndrome.

Just because she isn’t doing the whole Gen Z/Millennial thing of cutting off her parents and calling them “narcissistic” doesn’t mean she has Stockholm syndrome. She was raised with discipline and plans to do the same.

Hopefully, she’s infertile so the cycle of abuse doesn’t continue. People like your family shouldn’t be allowed to breed.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she can go if she figures out how to earn the money to do it herself legally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. She's being unbelievably entitled, and unrealisitc. When my daughter (now 28), was that age, she'd know I'd give her a tight slap, if she acted like a brat about this.

Wow! Did you really slap your child?!

Yes, I did.

I hope you’re a troll, but if you aren’t, does your DD still speak to you?

We're very close. We're best friends. We talk every day. She tells me everything.

It sounds like she has Stockholm syndrome.

Just because she isn’t doing the whole Gen Z/Millennial thing of cutting off her parents and calling them “narcissistic” doesn’t mean she has Stockholm syndrome. She was raised with discipline and plans to do the same.

Hopefully, she’s infertile so the cycle of abuse doesn’t continue. People like your family shouldn’t be allowed to breed.

Just stop. No one sane believes that is abuse.

[Anonymous]

What's the concert?

Some shows are priceless. We have spent money on some concerts that seemed way out of our budget and that I really hated myself for accepting and they turned into one of those unforgettable, once in a lifetime experience.

[Anonymous]

I’m so so curious, what is the concert?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she can go if she figures out how to earn the money to do it herself legally.

Thankfully, she fertile and 7 months pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the concert?

Some shows are priceless. We have spent money on some concerts that seemed way out of our budget and that I really hated myself for accepting and they turned into one of those unforgettable, once in a lifetime experience.

Paying the mortgage to avoid foreclosure is priceless. A live concert is not. You really need to learn the difference between wants and needs.

[Anonymous]

Most concerts these days are a total waste of money and time. The "artists" don't sing live, and most of them don't even know how to choreograph a show.

[Anonymous]

Not trying to be critical of your feelings, but to add another perspective:

I don’t see this as a big deal. At all. No is no, & (presumably) this isn’t the first time she has been disappointed and it certainly won’t be the last. She is 15 and is allowed her feelings, but she will get over it.

It is no different than saying no to a party (even if her friends are allowed to go), a body piercing (even if her friend is allowed), a crazy expensive homecoming dress (even if her friend is allowed), letting a boy sleep over (even if her friend’s parents allow) and so on. Just like when they were younger kids and had different rules about screens, sweets or whatever.

Nearly every teen gets a “no” on certain things and is very disappointed. This is a normal part of being a teen. They get over it.

Like you, I’m often up for some discussion/negotiation/compromise- but sometimes it just isn’t possible, and a no is a no. Continuing to discuss it just creates drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not an item to break into emergency fund for…

OP here. Absolutely not! Hence the post! With that said, any advice for explaining this to a 15yo whose life has just been ruined? 😂

Just let her life be ruined. It's ok for teenagers to feel disappointment and frustration. Dealing with difficult feelings are simply a part of living. You tell her the real, not sugar-coated reasons you won't be attending, and that's the end.

Thank you. Through this thread, I’m realizing the real issue is my own sense of guilt, and I don’t know why, because she’s fortunate enough to have many of her “wants” met.

I realize that as a parent we want to make our kids happy and give them everything, BUT, you know that this leads to being entitled and privileged.

I have had a few of these conversations with my teen, who is now 17. I always say to them.. "we don't have that kind of money to do things like that. It's expensive to live like we do. Sorry, we aren't them. Make sure you make a lot of money when you are off on your own so you can do everything that you want, and you can give everything that your kid wants."

DC wanted to major in something that pays dirt, and now they are realizing that they may not be able to afford the kind of lifestyle that they want so they are thinking of what kind of job they can get that pays well.

your kid is old enough to be taught about finances, and how much it costs to live the way she does. Tell her she can do what she wants when she turns 18, but they need to figure out transportation and how they will pay for it.

I do not like it when these kids act so entitled.