Expensive out-of-town concert—how to help teen handle disappointment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 15 she should be able to understand that it's just too expensive. She is not 5 anymore. I don't know why you're feeling guilty about this at all.

Well, of course I feel bad. I remember being 15 and seeing my favorite band in concert, and what an awesome experience that was. Of course I want to give her that same experience and feel bad that I can’t make it work for her.

OP the music industry has changed since we were 15. The profits used to be in radio exposure, and now they're in concerts. Concerts are a luxury item. The DMV is full of families who can afford luxuries. But other families make financial trade-offs to afford things. And other families go into credit card debt.

Over-explaining will send the message that you aren't confident in your priorities and financial decisions. Over-empathizing will send the message that you think she can't handle disappointment. Over-discussing will buy into her message about the importance of this concert.

This x1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not an item to break into emergency fund for…

OP here. Absolutely not! Hence the post! With that said, any advice for explaining this to a 15yo whose life has just been ruined? 😂

She’s 15. She understands even though she’s angry about it.

“I’m not willing to break into my emergency reserves for this concert because it is not an emergency.”

+1. She gets it, just is sad. Which is fine and understandable. If she brings it up again, I would ignore.

[Anonymous]

Wow. She's being unbelievably entitled, and unrealisitc. When my daughter (now 28), was that age, she'd know I'd give her a tight slap, if she acted like a brat about this.

[Anonymous]

I would never entertain this discussion. "We cannot afford this. Don't be rude to your mother. End of story."

[Anonymous]

Tell her to get over it and ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunate that friend could not invite her to attend with them.

[Anonymous]

Separately, it’s time to start bringing your daughter into financial conversations. Not in a stressful way, but eg, yes, we are buying a Toyota instead of a BMW, because there is a $700 difference in monthly payment etc. We are waiting to buy the new couch because we need to replenish the emergency fund after the heater broke. When I was a kid, my parents kept me in the dark about their finances. Looking back, I was sometimes asking for things that were above our means but I just had no clue. My kids have a better sense of where we stand and their asks reflect that.

If it’s an artist who tours often, I would work with her now to come up with a plan for next time - you pay half, use hotel points, she saves $ from grandparents birthday money, etc etc and maybe you could make it work then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. She's being unbelievably entitled, and unrealisitc. When my daughter (now 28), was that age, she'd know I'd give her a tight slap, if she acted like a brat about this.

Wow! Did you really slap your child?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 15 she should be able to understand that it's just too expensive. She is not 5 anymore. I don't know why you're feeling guilty about this at all.

+1. This is a mom guilt problem. OP she is freaking 15 years old. Were you going to $350 concerts with all of this travel and accommodation required when you were 15? I didn't think so.

[Anonymous]

Op, if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Your daughter will have to deal. If you want, you can lay out exactly how much it would cost so she can see the actual $$$.

I’ve spent money on concerts for my kid. The biggest one was a 4hr drive away where we did get a hotel because I didn’t want to drive home afterwards. It probably cost around $1500 all in for four of us plus pet boarding. It was a Christmas present. Also, it was at the same time Taylor Swift was doing her eras tour. I told my kids that we do not have Taylor’s swift money and they understood. Some of their friends were spending thousands to see her, some even flying to Europe to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. She's being unbelievably entitled, and unrealisitc. When my daughter (now 28), was that age, she'd know I'd give her a tight slap, if she acted like a brat about this.

Wow! Did you really slap your child?!

Yes, I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. She's being unbelievably entitled, and unrealisitc. When my daughter (now 28), was that age, she'd know I'd give her a tight slap, if she acted like a brat about this.

Wow! Did you really slap your child?!

Yes, I did.

I hope you’re a troll, but if you aren’t, does your DD still speak to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Your daughter will have to deal. If you want, you can lay out exactly how much it would cost so she can see the actual $$$.

I’ve spent money on concerts for my kid. The biggest one was a 4hr drive away where we did get a hotel because I didn’t want to drive home afterwards. It probably cost around $1500 all in for four of us plus pet boarding. It was a Christmas present. Also, it was at the same time Taylor Swift was doing her eras tour. I told my kids that we do not have Taylor’s swift money and they understood. Some of their friends were spending thousands to see her, some even flying to Europe to do so.

Flying to Europe was cheaper than seeing her in the States. They have laws that limit the amount of resale profit that can be made and some venues had identification requirements So 1) since there was less profit to be made, there were less bots buying the tickets and 2) since there was less profit to be made, the tickets were less expensive even on the secondary market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. She's being unbelievably entitled, and unrealisitc. When my daughter (now 28), was that age, she'd know I'd give her a tight slap, if she acted like a brat about this.

Wow! Did you really slap your child?!

Yes, I did.

I hope you’re a troll, but if you aren’t, does your DD still speak to you?

We're very close. We're best friends. We talk every day. She tells me everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. She's being unbelievably entitled, and unrealisitc. When my daughter (now 28), was that age, she'd know I'd give her a tight slap, if she acted like a brat about this.

Wow! Did you really slap your child?!

Yes, I did.

I hope you’re a troll, but if you aren’t, does your DD still speak to you?

We're very close. We're best friends. We talk every day. She tells me everything.

It sounds like she has Stockholm syndrome.