How rude is this or is this acceptable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For people who wouldn't ask that question, what do you talk about at the dinner table with relatives? I imagine politics, religion, anything personal is off the table so do you talk about sports, celebrities,

None of the above. Travel. Food. New hobbies. Pre-existing hobbies. Books. Music. Etc...

I'm not interested in my relatives family planning. If you want to make your family planning the topic, fine.

or some other superficial topic for the entire time that you interact with your relatives?

"So, are you trying for a baby?"

"Actually we just suffered a miscarriage. Really nasty one. Can I pass you the yams?"

No works just fine here. You can't control other people.

You can't control people but you can make them feel appropriately awful for asking you about something that amounted to a miscarriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For people who wouldn't ask that question, what do you talk about at the dinner table with relatives? I imagine politics, religion, anything personal is off the table so do you talk about sports, celebrities,

None of the above. Travel. Food. New hobbies. Pre-existing hobbies. Books. Music. Etc...

I'm not interested in my relatives family planning. If you want to make your family planning the topic, fine.

or some other superficial topic for the entire time that you interact with your relatives?

"So, are you trying for a baby?"

"Actually we just suffered a miscarriage. Really nasty one. Can I pass you the yams?"

No works just fine here. You can't control other people.

You can't control people but you can make them feel appropriately awful for asking you about something that amounted to a miscarriage.

If that's how you roll. Have you had a miscarriage? I have. I would never answer that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For people who wouldn't ask that question, what do you talk about at the dinner table with relatives? I imagine politics, religion, anything personal is off the table so do you talk about sports, celebrities,

None of the above. Travel. Food. New hobbies. Pre-existing hobbies. Books. Music. Etc...

I'm not interested in my relatives family planning. If you want to make your family planning the topic, fine.

or some other superficial topic for the entire time that you interact with your relatives?

"So, are you trying for a baby?"

"Actually we just suffered a miscarriage. Really nasty one. Can I pass you the yams?"

No works just fine here. You can't control other people.

You can't control people but you can make them feel appropriately awful for asking you about something that amounted to a miscarriage.

If that's how you roll. Have you had a miscarriage? I have. I would never answer that way.

That's very awful to hear. I hope nobody asked you about having a child. How awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For people who wouldn't ask that question, what do you talk about at the dinner table with relatives? I imagine politics, religion, anything personal is off the table so do you talk about sports, celebrities,

None of the above. Travel. Food. New hobbies. Pre-existing hobbies. Books. Music. Etc...

I'm not interested in my relatives family planning. If you want to make your family planning the topic, fine.

or some other superficial topic for the entire time that you interact with your relatives?

"So, are you trying for a baby?"

"Actually we just suffered a miscarriage. Really nasty one. Can I pass you the yams?"

No works just fine here. You can't control other people.

You can't control people but you can make them feel appropriately awful for asking you about something that amounted to a miscarriage.

If that's how you roll. Have you had a miscarriage? I have. I would never answer that way.

That's very awful to hear. I hope nobody asked you about having a child. How awful.

I’m sure they did. And I gave vague answers like “maybe someday” or “not for awhile”. But I didn’t give some weird flip answer like it was a bad cold sore instead of a much wanted baby. You develop a pretty thick skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the situation: at the Easter brunch table, there were 10 of us, and a couple who is getting married later this year; a relative asked the couple if they will have children right away. This relative is related to one person of the couple but hardly sees the person on an on-going basis, maybe once a year if that; this relative met the other person of this couple only once before. I think the question is quite rude. WDYT?

I think you must be relatively young. In previous generations this was a fairly normal question, which you just answered either truthfully or with something vague. The asker is making conversation and likely DGAF one way or the other.

So many things have become "rude" that once upon a time were just considered small talk.

I’m pushing 50 and find the question inappropriate in general and definitely in front of a large group. You don’t have to ostracize the person asking, but this isn’t a fair game conversation starter and that should be made clear. This is smoking-on-airplanes level antiquated.

Inevitably this well-intentioned relative will ask someone struggling with infertility or miscarriage on the wrong day. You don’t want them to avoid future family gatherings if there is bad news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the situation: at the Easter brunch table, there were 10 of us, and a couple who is getting married later this year; a relative asked the couple if they will have children right away. This relative is related to one person of the couple but hardly sees the person on an on-going basis, maybe once a year if that; this relative met the other person of this couple only once before. I think the question is quite rude. WDYT?

I mean, I’m just glad to hear the relative isn’t related to BOTH people in the couple.

[Anonymous]

It seems like a normal question with family.

My BIL is getting married this year. I know he has mentioned kids so plan to have a family. I asked the bride if they were planning to have kids right away and she seemed surprised by the question. Did I offend her? I’m not sure. I know her parents are eagerly wanting grandchildren and so is MIL (groom’s mother).

I think it is more rude of a question or sensitive topic when people are dealing with infertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the situation: at the Easter brunch table, there were 10 of us, and a couple who is getting married later this year; a relative asked the couple if they will have children right away. This relative is related to one person of the couple but hardly sees the person on an on-going basis, maybe once a year if that; this relative met the other person of this couple only once before. I think the question is quite rude. WDYT?

I think you must be relatively young. In previous generations this was a fairly normal question, which you just answered either truthfully or with something vague. The asker is making conversation and likely DGAF one way or the other.

So many things have become "rude" that once upon a time were just considered small talk.

I’m pushing 50 and find the question inappropriate in general and definitely in front of a large group. You don’t have to ostracize the person asking, but this isn’t a fair game conversation starter and that should be made clear. This is smoking-on-airplanes level antiquated.

Inevitably this well-intentioned relative will ask someone struggling with infertility or miscarriage on the wrong day. You don’t want them to avoid future family gatherings if there is bad news.

DP here. I have learned it is not an appropriate topic. Just like the way you can’t assume someone is pregnant if they look like they are pregnant. I made that mistake once and never did it again.

We have a cousin who didn’t have a kid and for years the family was wondering what was taking so long. I later learned they were dealing with infertility and multiple miscarriages. She is now in her forties so unlikely to have a baby. I haven’t mentioned baby in years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For people who wouldn't ask that question, what do you talk about at the dinner table with relatives? I imagine politics, religion, anything personal is off the table so do you talk about sports, celebrities,

None of the above. Travel. Food. New hobbies. Pre-existing hobbies. Books. Music. Etc...

I'm not interested in my relatives family planning. If you want to make your family planning the topic, fine.

or some other superficial topic for the entire time that you interact with your relatives?

"So, are you trying for a baby?"

"Actually we just suffered a miscarriage. Really nasty one. Can I pass you the yams?"

No works just fine here. You can't control other people.

You can't control people but you can make them feel appropriately awful for asking you about something that amounted to a miscarriage.

If that's how you roll. Have you had a miscarriage? I have. I would never answer that way.

That's very awful to hear. I hope nobody asked you about having a child. How awful.

I’m sure they did. And I gave vague answers like “maybe someday” or “not for awhile”. But I didn’t give some weird flip answer like it was a bad cold sore instead of a much wanted baby. You develop a pretty thick skin.

+1. People need to get a grip. people having children is normal, essential, and has been happening for hundreds of thousands of years. God forbid someone take an interest in your life and ask about your family plans.

[Anonymous]

It's rude to ask nowadays. Before it was more common since people got married to have kids and a LOT of brides got married pregnant. Now it's a choice, some don't want kids at all and some do, but who knows when (they may not know themselves). You don't ask if the bride is getting breast implants or if the groom is going on Wegovy. If someone wants you to know, they'll tell you. Otherwise mind your own business.