Calling people who found the strength to leave an abusive marriage

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP - I was in a verbally/emotionally abusive first marriage (not physical) and it took me a long time to get out. Your abuser is likely a narcissist? I would scrounge together $400 for a consult with a lawyer - you can do it if you need by getting "cash back" at grocery stores and slowly accumulating if you need. I would do things now with a plan:
(1) establish a separate bank account so you do have some escape money - you are probably going to want to get some emergency cash to live off of for at least 3-4 months of your living expenses
(2) continue recording and documenting, and send notes to the lawyer to keep in their files so they are dated and time stamped
(3) seek free mental health care if you can through insurance - do you have a tele-health service through your insurance company -- you are going to need to be in a mentally clear state to navigate
(4) as others have said, you are likely to get default 50 percent custody - so just think about what you need to make that work- I personally would wait until I have all of the above set and ready that I am in a financial and mentally and legally adequate place before moving kids out
(5) is there a way to have additional people in the house - like a babysitter, or invite family to stay with you on rotational basis -- to help safeguard you? so there are fewer times where you are just 1:1 with your husband

For me, some of my last straws were when I saw my kids repeating some of the behavior of my husband in what they said -- and I knew I needed a healthy example at least 50% of the time for them.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here’s what I did:
1. Finances. Drove uber when my child was at school, babysat kids. You can asap find gifs from Wayfair to assemble furniture . Lifeguarding pays well - you can make $2-3k/month easily when kids are in school . But you need to being able to swim well and get licensed.
2. It would be easier to leave and put shit together during the school year
3. Don’t send too many notes to your lawyer / they’ll charge you each email they get
4. Yes try to secure a temporary shelter - parents, social services etc
5. If you are low income research lotteries for subsidized housing Maryland New York VA are easier
6. Always get a cash back or visa gift cards when shopping. I also opened a bluebird debit card which works like a bank account he can’t see. You can deposit cash to the card at CVS

Good luck

[Anonymous]

House of Ruth has pro bono (free) legal help.

Or stash cash.

[Anonymous]

Follow Dr. Ruth / Healing by the Numbers

https://healingbythenumbers.mykajabi.com/

https://www.instagram.com/healingbythenumbers?igsh=M3ZwdmN5Z3k2MHRu

Big hugs to you, OP.