Calling people who found the strength to leave an abusive marriage

[Anonymous]

Please be kind. I need help. I am slowly dying inside as I cannot seem to work up the strength to leave an abusive marriage. We have two kids. If you’ve been there and got out, how did you do it? Walk me through it. What was the final straw? What mantras did you use? Where did you start? How did you start? What was the first step? Did you ever want to give up and just stay and how did you stay strong if so?

I have no financial privacy so please don’t suggest talking to an attorney as I cannot do that 😞

[Anonymous]

Find an attorney who offers free consultations.

[Anonymous]

Reach out to your local domestic violence center for help. Leaving is the most dangerous time and they can help you plan.

[Anonymous]

+1 for domestic violence center

You don't need a last straw. You just need a decision.

[Anonymous]

As very first steps you could start gathering and copying financial statements, passwords, etc. Can you save any actual cash? I remember the story of a woman who could grocery shop and purchase a few gift cards to cash out and slowly build a small emergency fund.

[Anonymous]

Do you have privacy on your phone OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1 for domestic violence center

You don't need a last straw. You just need a decision.

This.
What’s the hold up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for domestic violence center

You don't need a last straw. You just need a decision.

This.
What’s the hold up?

Have some compassion. She has kids that she's scared will be left with him 50% of the time, and either has no money of her own or her husband exerts such control that she can't freely spend her own money.

[Anonymous]

You need a plan and a support system. What are the most basic steps you will need to get out? Where will you stay? What money do you have? Who do you know who can help you? Sit down and make a list.

I'm sorry this is happening and feels overwhelming, but start small and plan.

[Anonymous]

Make a list of people who can help walk with you through this. Do you have a church? A family? People who you can trust? Is there physical abuse or is it emotional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find an attorney who offers free consultations.

Only legal aid does this.
OP you need to borrow money and pay in cash.
If you are not able to figure that part out I question your ability to survive as a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As very first steps you could start gathering and copying financial statements, passwords, etc. Can you save any actual cash? I remember the story of a woman who could grocery shop and purchase a few gift cards to cash out and slowly build a small emergency fund.

Sorry but these stories are ridiculously misleading. becoming a single parent is expensive. OP will need a FT job and FT child care, and a lawyer. You do the math. She needs a plan to get a job that will pay enough to cover that life.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? Do you have family in the area?

[Anonymous]

OP, I echo the suggestion to reach out to a domestic violence center to talk through options.

If you need to cover your tracks while using the internet try the public library.

I also echo the gift card suggestion - does your husband scrutinize the grocery receipts? If not, start adding a Visa gift card into your shopping trips. $20-$25 a pop probably isn't going to raise too much suspicion.

Last, best of luck to you. I am so very sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As very first steps you could start gathering and copying financial statements, passwords, etc. Can you save any actual cash? I remember the story of a woman who could grocery shop and purchase a few gift cards to cash out and slowly build a small emergency fund.

Sorry but these stories are ridiculously misleading. becoming a single parent is expensive. OP will need a FT job and FT child care, and a lawyer. You do the math. She needs a plan to get a job that will pay enough to cover that life.

Obviously, but we're talking about the very first tentative steps. If her husband is so controlling that she has no financial privacy, he's not just going to let her start a career. If her situation is desperate she may need to rely on temporary support, child support, even reside in a shelter or go on food stamps for a while. Right now she just needs to gather info and as much cash as possible to even start.